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lördag 28 mars 2015

Narcissists Cause Ruptures

Re-blogged from: 

This is yet another blog post by Linda about narcissistic siblings who try to financially ruin you or devalue you and have been doing this your whole life. They might believe they are fair, but it's cause in their pathological minds fair is them getting much more. That's how twisted and evil these siblings really are and one day you will find out this is so. In most cases you will get your final proof of their malicy when an older relative dies and they expect special favors. So I will let you read this blog post and then I will tell you some tales of my own to demonstrate how this works in a family, where a selected few are valued like princesses and princes and grew up to become ruling queens and kings:

Narcissistic Siblings Cause Psychological and Financial Family Ruptures

You have known this brother or sister all of your life -- at least you thought you did. This individual as far back as you can remember was demanding, self absorbed, highly competitive and didn't care about how you felt. Yet, mom and/or dad thought this budding narcissist was just fine -- even superior. (This post refers to male and female narcissistic siblings.) 

Teach a child the true values of life and not materialism.

You remember as you think back how intimidated you were by this sibling despite his birth order. In some families the oldest son is the Prince and King in waiting. In others it is the younger daughter who is so "adorable" and talented -- always taking center stage and demanding constant attention (which she gets.) These siblings were budding narcissists and now are full fledged. 

You have known the truth about them most of your life but were unable to put a name or description to the feelings of discomfort, emotional pain, betrayal, confusion, shame or inadequacy you experienced when compared with them. "Why can't you be more organized and disciplined like James?" "Why are you always daydreaming and not getting to your chores or homework like your brother?" "Your beautiful sister is so outgoing and has tons of friends -- Everyone likes her. Why can't you be more sociable and friendly?" These comments from parents echo in your memory down the years. You have been compared to certain siblings all of your life. 

No one accepted you for your true nature and priceless individuality, your creativity and spontaneity, your kindnesses and appreciation of beauty. These attributes were not prized in your family. No, it was the narcissistic traits that were rewarded -- like all A's in every class, becoming the top athlete in several sports, having the smoothest of social skills, etc., being an extrovert with driving confidence and total self entitlement. 

Narcissists will do anything for money, even sell their own mothers.

Throughout your lives narcissistic siblings cause psychological pain and often financial ruptures within a family. They take sides to get What They Want!! You are not part of their goal equation. They want much more than their fair share of the family assets both while the parents are living and afterwards. There are constant power plays that are instigated by the narcissistic sibling. If the family has financial assets the narcissistic sibling places himself in a position to control them and eventually seize them. Sometimes they choose a sibling who will align with them in these power plays. They use the weaker brother or sister as an ally. Actually the narcissist is exploiting everyone, including this hand picked "ally." 

The classic situation is the narcissist's plan to become indispensable to the parent who controls the financial assets. This sibling over time forms a special relationship of confidence with mother or father and makes sure that he will get the biggest piece of the family money and financial pie ultimately. Some of these cases go legal and become very ugly. Sometimes it becomes necessary follow the legal route with narcissistic siblings who demand everything and where there is a clear case that you are entitled to your fair share. 

Family ruptures can occur as a result of the greed and venality of narcissistic siblings. This is a very painful complex situation. First, recognize who you are as an individual and know that despite everything you know the truth about your family and its narcissistic members. 

You knew all the time something was not quite right, but it was not you.

Learn to value yourself and your talents and gifts and wonderful personal qualities. Take very good care of yourself and form alliances with friends that you trust and who are psychologically family to you. Protect yourself from the primitive projections of narcissistic brothers and sisters. Don't let them control your emotions. Remember they are ejecting their unconscious feelings of self loathing on to you. This is a sign of their psychopathology not your inadequacy, deficits, etc. You may need to cut off contact with them since narcissists do not have psychological boundaries and lack empathy. 

Take time each day to appreciate who you are. Spend moments quieting your body and mind through some form of meditation. This can be very short -- a couple of minutes or less. Try to be consistent. Be unjudgmental as you go on this journey. I have found some very good guided meditations on You Tube. One is by the Honest Guys called Guided Meditation - Blissful Relaxation. It is 18 minutes long. Listen as long or short as you wish. The Honest Guys are British and their meditations have good production values and I find their accents to be calming and relaxing. Find what appeals to you and works for you. 

Trust your intuition and the insights that come through to you during the day and the night. You will find others who share the truth with you. Sometimes we feel so alone and that no one understands us. There are a few individuals -- and I think a growing group who are seeking the truth that is inside of them and from whom you will find resonance and validation.

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD 

People showing no interest in you or the truth you need to get away from.

And this is how Linda ends her post about these selfish siblings, by giving us some advice how to now take care of ourselves as we are worth to be taken care of. We were not put here on earth to serve these selfish bastards, no matter what our mothers might have told us, and told us she has. My mother actually scoffed at her oldest son for not serving his younger brother more and better, despite the younger never lifting a finger to help his older one out, and despite all what the older already had done for him. It was never enough for mother. The older had two children before the younger even got around to marry. The older had a sick wife that had to spend months at hospital and needed special care to get well again. After the younger one had his only child he moved away to a foreign land from where his wife came from, and the older brother had a third child with his wife. What did our mother think the older brother should do? Move after the younger brother, as he was doing nothing of importance here in our country. That's what she said to me!

I'm not exactly sure what year she made this proclaimation, but it must had been three or four years after their youngest son was born, as at that time my oldest brother was having problems with work due to burn out syndromes, which I think he'd acheived as his wife became ill again. But I'm not sure as he's kept everything very secret due to the narcissists inclination to use any percieved weaknesses to their favor. What I think he failed to understand is that also hiding illness and weakness is an excelent weapon for narcissists to use, as they can sense that you are stressed out, even if they don't know the cause of it. So if you hide illness to others, they will tell everyone you are lazy and use it as a weapon to smear you, while you are too weak to do anything but take care of your own health or that of your family's and children's. That's what these nasty buggers do - use anything against you. So I'm sure it was not a tactical thing to do to hide to all of us the true nature of their health, as then mother could state that the oldest brother did nothing of importance, when in fact there was illness in the family and they still had to tend to the little son and other children.

Narcissists like to create drama and hurt others.

My guess is that the one behind all these tales of lazy people not wanting to help out and do things for others originate from this woman - the mother. I think she's the one filling our brother and sister with ideas that they are entitled to get help and that we are lazy and selfish for not providing it to them. I base this guess on opinions like the one I mentioned above, where mother straight out said it was our oldest brother's duty to move to another country and work for his younger brother, despite of him having a family and life here already. Mother didn't even concider what her daugther-in-law wanted and what I heard she didn't even intend that she and their three children should move with my brother. It was like they didn't exist to this woman, like they didn't matter. All that mattered to her was that her golden son wanted his brother to come and work for him, and screw the rest. I will never forget the look on that old hag's face when I told her that my oldest brother had a life of his own to live. She looked at me like I've just said the dumbest thing on earth.

The idea that her oldest son had a life, a family, children, a wife, friends, a job, which he still had at that time even if he was too ill to work full time, and that he had interests and goals of his own, was plain ridiculous to her. But I did know he had a life and things he wanted to do and work for, and none of that mattered to our mother, and nothing I said to her made her change her mind. Since her golden son wanted a santas little helper in his shop, his oldest brother should just drop all his dreams and leave all his duties and come running to his side. I believe not only mother thought this to be the only sane reaction, but that this was the way our other brother thought too. I bet he thought he was ever so generous and practical when he offered this "job" to his older brother. The job to be his slave and work under his rulership, full time. To be totally under the mercy of his cruel and selfish brother. Like I said, I'm sure none of the narcissists even stop to think about what the wife thought, or the children and most of all, what my oldest brother thought.

Take care of yourself cause you are a beautiful soul.

The reason you cannot make such people see sense, change their views, is cause they are set in their minds. They've decided long ago who's who in our family and those roles cannot be changed, no matter how reality looks like, no matter if there is proof of the opposite, will such set minds change their program. I compare them to really badly progammed AI's that can't adapt to reality, when it transforms from what the original programmer put into their software. I think that's a very good comparison as in my view they aren't fully human, but bots. You know the kind you find in computer games. Bots are there to pesture your life and you cannot control them as they are set on a course and will do just that, what their little program code tells them to do. They never evolve beyond this little program and therefore they will only keep on repeating the same believes and thinking they've always had. That said a bot can do many things in the program, like travel and organize events and all sorts of seemingly challenging things. But they will never go against their base program.

A living soul will adapt to new information about other people and will hear and understand that they've been wrong about certain matters. From this information they will ask people for forgiveness, if they've behaved badly due to the misinformation, and they will understand that things were not like they first believed. I call people able to draw such human conclusions for living souls as there must be some kind of substance to such a being, making them able to adapt their whole concept of relationsships and other people, due to new facts that arrives. A mechanical person will however ignore anything contradicting to their preset instructions, totally like a robot with very badly programmed AI, like I said. The likening with robots is something I've heard many times, that it does not matter how much you try and reason with a narcissist, as it's like nobody is home. Nothing goes through and they just keep on in their old set ways, believing what they've always believed. I think that's why narcissists like to blame their lack of time or that there is no right or wrong, as they just don't have the ability to de-program themselves. To update their thinking.

Judge others by their true actions and not by their pretty words.

If you've been deemed as a outspaced person, lacking social skills, who never do anything worthwhile, you might find yourself married with several children and working on high functioning jobs, being a boss even, and doing very well in the community. But all that will not matter to the narcissist who will keep on portraiting you like the outspaced person who have no friends and no future. This is what narcissism is really, in my opinion, and it will look like total disinterest for others, as no matter what you do in your life this person keeps painting you in their first opinion of you. Whenever things go wrong in your life, like for instance you get ill temporarily, the narcissist will try to push you back again from all your previous acheivments. If you have children they will try to sow discord between you and them, and even make them like the narcissist more. They will try to make your children see you in the same lights as the narcissist does. If you have a partner they might do the same, and try to cause a divorce. They might act to you like your spouce is not worthy of you, but behind your back smear you and how cruel you are to you spouce. There are too many ways to screw people to achieve this and I haven't seen them all.

All the time undermining you the narcissist might act like they only care for your best interests, and every little problem you have, how slight it might be, the narcissist will blow out of proportion. If you are already overburden with obligations, health problems, alot of work and all life's problems, this constant drama over every little thing in your life can get very tiresome. The narcissist will try to create conflicts in your life, but will hide it as concern. When you refuse to follow their advice they will scoff at your for not standing up for yourself, and when you do as they suggest you will be rewarded with appreciations, but not necessarily. Sometimes you'll still hear it was not good enough, or too little, but the end result will always be that you get alot of conflict with all people around you, as the narcissist will find faults with each and everyone, which you need to fix. To have a caring narcissist in your life might be the worst thing that could happen to you, as you will never see peace and quite. Every person around you will be set up against you and you will soon have no friends at all. That unless you refuse to do what the narcissist tells you, and take the insults instead of what a whimp you are.

Don't fall for this narcissistic trick when you are an adult.

If the narcsissist in your life is a parent they will most certainly use the parent card to make you think you have to do as you're told. To hear that you must do as your family says and you must be with your family and you must do this. That is typical. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and you most certainly don't have to be with people you don't like, just cause they are related to you. If they are not nice to you, if they insult you constantly, and if they most certainly have been lying about you behind your back and you know they lie and smear people all the time, you would be quite stupid to let this relationship continue, just because it's your obligation according to the person you don't like. Compare it to a wifebeater. He might think that it's his wife's obligation to be humiliated and beaten now and then, as he fancies it, but just cause he thinks it's her duty to endure this hell, does not make it so. It's just his opinion that he should be able to do as he pleases, on the cost of someone elses freedom. Remember that the narcissist in your life most certainly never has done anything she or he didn't want to do, just cause it was expected of them. Then other rules aply and you might hear them complain over having to attend the christining of a child, or a wedding, or funeral. 

That is something I've seen myself, how the same person that use the family card to bait me back in the family, she refused to go to a funeral, cause she didn't feel like it. She didn't stop to think one second that the cousin had been to her sister's funeral not long ago, and that she always was a very nice cousin. No, it was all about herself and her own dramas, so she didn't want to go to the funeral as the cousin had died from cancer and right at that moment she had cancer fright. She didn't have cancer, only was fearful of the possibility she might have. I told her she most likely didn't have it, and that she shouldn't worry as the preliminary tests they do these days are too damn good. And as older people almost always have loads of cancer cells in their body those tests pick it up in way many more times then when it actually is any malignancies to care about. I told her that, but she still was so selfcentered she couldn't go. If that had been me I'd not even mention this preliminary result to my children, and I'd not been such a selfish cow that I didn't go and pay my respect to a kind and sweet cousin, whom I've known my whole life. 

Revolution begins when the meek says no more to the bullies.

Who's important and who are we supposed to dislike is another thing narcissists like to decide for all of her minions. It's all so very confusing as they have a war going against some relatives for awhile, and tell the most horrible things about them, then one day you find the same relatives invited over to the narcissist. Like as if nothing had happened. A time they particulary do this is when they are fighting over an inheritance. In my family it's mother who caused the big row in her family, where she declared her two brothers as enemies and she painted herself as the resonable one of them. According to her she phoned them to talk to them, but there was no point as they were totally unruly, emotional and obviously mourning so much they could not function. She had phoned the older brother apparently and then the younger must had contacted her and told her off, very sharply, as after that conversation she was going on and on about what a psychopath her youngest brother was. From the older brother's letters to my dad I've figured out that mother phoned him up and insulted him, he understood she was insulting him and his wife heard the insults too. He was a criminal detective, so he actually writes to dad that his wife can testify what foul things his sister, my mother, said to him.

From that I suspect that the youngest brother to mother had contacted her and told her to stop doing what she was doing, as she was insulting people and screwing things up in the settling of the estate. Mother was totally convinced she was right and in her mind she was trying to talk to crazy people, so she used alot of degrading psychological mumbo jumbo, when trying to convince her police brother he was the insane one. That is so typical of mother I can just picture the whole thing. She loves to meddle with other people, phoning them and causing distress. She's been telling me about her phoning even cousins of mine, even a very ill cousin, and insulting him, so his sister phoned mother back and had asked her to stop harassing her ill brother. Of course mother made my cousin sound like a real bitch, but I remember her as a lovely girl so I know she never would had done that unless mother was a total cow to her brother, and whatever she said to mother, I know that mother deserved it for meddling where her nose does not belong. This is a typical narcissistic trait, to stick their noses into things where they have no reason to stick them. They do this pretending everything is their concern and that they are only caring so much. Bullocks. They want to feed on the drama.

It's time to say no now and not wait for someone to save you.

There is an old saying that those that want to rule should not be allowed to. That is in my opinion cause those that want to rule want to oppress others, use others, and they are not good leaders as they are always doing everything for their own sake, no matter what they try to con others they are doing things for, it's always selfserving. Everytime we let someone rule that clearly wants to be our leader we will end up with being run over and loose our rights. That's why we come to a point where we must choose what kind of person we want to be. Someone who agrees to be treated badly, worth less and known for letting others run over us, or someone who said "no" and would not take shit from others. Listen to what others tell you and you will soon hear that all too many tell you to give up, to let the users and bulllies win. They will tell you there is no use in trying to fight them, and that they use so dirty tricks you cannot win. They will shift the blame unto you, making you into the problem for standing up for your rights, and refusing to be treated like shit. They will do that by telling you that if you want your fair share, you are thinking too much about money, so let them take all money and stop being such a materialist.

Actually, this is typical victim blame, although most telling you this will be quitters, those that didn't fight the bullies as they felt overwhelmed by their abuse and dirty tricks, so they just let them take everything. Many of those people I've heard speaking like this are now dirt poor, while those they let win, without even giving them a proper fight, all are rolling in the money that belonged to another. So let me be clear, that fighting for your share is not to be greedy, it's not to be a materialist, and it's not to be faulty. That is all narcissistic thinking, malignant thinking, the liars and bullies brainwash us to think so we will not even question their rights to take everything from us. Those choosing to not fight back have fallen for one of the narcissistic tricks they like to pull on us. It's the trick to make us feel that being materialistic one bit is a bad thing, while we live in a material world, so it's insane to not have some concept about materia. It's black-and-white thinking, that even asking for fairness, equality, is bad, as you are then a materialist. No, you are not. If you, like the narcissists themselves, only care for material benifits and give shit for other people, then you are a full fledge materialist.

The thieves are the ones creating war and famine on our planet.

These liars are those that create all the havoc on our planet, while pretending they are out to fix stuff. They are not out to fix anything, but benifits for themselves. All the rest is just a load of crap. Lies. They don't make war machines to create peace on earth. They make them to make money out of war, as if people don't use these machines and destroy them, they can't sell as many. The most peaceful country on this planet, with the most fake and narcissisticly phony image is one of the greatest producers of these machines. Unless others countries don't war, this country does not thrive like it used to. The closest country, to this country, is an oil nation, so they are now thriving from the black slure that ought to stay inside of the planet and not be taken out and used like it is. So these two countries have this facade of goodness and deep down they are both extremely corrupt countries. I'd say that there are rarely any countries more narcissistic then these two, as they portrait one face outwardly and to the people living in the countries, while they are in reality all fake. There is no democracy, no equality, no fairness in neither country. These are very cruel places where they use all the narcissistic tricks to oppress those that wont play along.

One thing that is also in common of both these countries is that they've slowly taken away all the religious moral ideals that once were and replaced them with extreme materialism. It only took a couple of generations to change all of this. Today it's hard to speak to people from any of these two nations as most people are so brainwashed it's like talking to zombies. They are braindead, in my opinion, but there are a few people in every country that are not, but who can see what is going on and feel something is very wrong. In my experience the most happy people in these countries are those born in the 30's and 40's, while those born in later years are all very depressed. Ask one of the older ones how they view the future and the older people believe in a bright future for their children and grandchildren. Ask the same question to someone born in the 50's and 60's and many are not so sure. They don't really seem to know why they feel this way, but it might be a worry for the whole world, health, or economy. Many feel like there wont be any money for them when they get too old to work and are to take out from their retirement fonds. Others might feel something is seriously wrong with the very nature and everyone's health.

Whatever you do now will affect everything in the future.

It's hard to know if this is feelings only found in countries like this, which are typically narcissistic by design, or if this is something you find all over the planet. But this is what I've found, that it's the older people that believe in a bright future, and not the younger. It's even like the younger people you talk to the less optimistic they are and at one point many go from deep negativity and just switch and ignore all the negative things they see and pretend they are not there. So this zombie reaction is actually something I've heard is typical of an endangered spieces. It looks crazy from the outside, as your natural reaction might be to want to identify the problem to be able to fix it, but the zombies just wont even go there. But if people feel on a deeper, not conscious level, that there is something very wrong, that they are under lethal threat, this ignoring is a typical reaction. You wont go into shock then, and you will continue to function, for as long as you live, and you wont feel fear and angst and life is much nicer, then if you let yourself understand the danger you are in. Think about pigs taken to slaughter, how much better it is if they are calm and not stressed. Meat will even taste different from stress, so it's actually prefered that the pigs are calm.

Now you might get why we are supposed to be zombies, as the plan is set what will happen and noone want us to panic and run around and make a mess of things. Unless the plan is that some of us will do that. I'm not knowledgable of the plans, or why things are like they are, so any guessing for any reasons behind details in the tapestry, is only guessing. I don't know why they are doing anything, more then that there might be very short sightedness behind it. Perhaps the chemtrailing is really only to create better wireless communications for the military, and maybe the environment excuse is nothing else but propaganda to make the majority believe that without the trails we'll die from the sun rays. It might be just to create more war and better tech and have nothing to do with anything else. Those doing it might not care for the effects on life as they don't care for life. It's all about money and power to them, so they don't care if everything and everyone might die. Including themselves. Perhaps they are that dumb. It goes for everything they do, like nuclear, as still after Chernobyl, Fukushima and everything, those loving nuclear power still do. Nothing changed for them, and nothing will make them change. Which is a sign of insanity.

It matters what you do in this life as it will choose your future lives.

So no wonder if there are alot of very depressed people out there, those that grew up with all this shit going on, who never seen anything else before this materialistic world came to be. Those older remember the war and the aftermaths and to them things got much better in their life. They are often very wealthy, while their parents where dirt poor. To them things are so much better and they have had long lives living with everything working and doing important things. And they know that they will soon die, so to them it really does not matter so much how the world will look in a few years. What might matter is that they have fun in their lives right now, for as long as they can. I don't even think many of that generation is specially spiritual, while the generation now loosing faith in their old days, already having health issues and many worrying over their income even before they are retired seem more open to what is behind the veil of this material world. The hope that there is something more, that this shithole of a life is not all there is I think in many ways play a much greater part in us born after our present world were created. This world was created during the 50's and 60's so anyone that arrived at this time have no clue what went on before these modern living was. Not really.

To live without electricity was only a weekend at the country cottage. To go to a outhouse to do your business in some hole was just a weird thing you did when on the farm. Your day to day life you had a bathroom and you watched TV. The life I've had my whole life is not that very different now. Of course we now like to sit alone by our computers for hours, when back then we sat together and watched TV for a few hours only. It's been a gradual change, but the big change was from no TV, no electrical stove, no fridge, no washing machine, no personal cars, no bathrooms and so on. We just changed the way of life so much in such a short time period I'd call it a revolution. The tech that came later on might had been swift in evolution, but it's nothing compared to the change that happened in the way people lived their lives back before my time. I honestly only see minor changes between the 70's and now, and that are our mobile phones and computers and how many channels there are on the TV. All the rest is so the same it hardly is not worth mentioning. The change has been to make people look into smaller and smaller boxes instead of looking into each others eyes. Which might be the major cause of all the zombies.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry 

måndag 23 mars 2015

Your Faery Heaven

This is my sixth blue site and it's like you can read about faeries, but it's also about what we call heaven, and about happiness. That's why this site is filled with merry little fairies and small, cute childangels. I don't think any other kind of pictures could symbolize joy more then pictures of children. It's a very innocent site and there is not much more to tell about it as it's a visual site. There are plenty of graphics of all sorts there I've made during many years working with my websites. This site has evolved from an older site, which I still have a copy of on my Queen site. I redid it totally and moved the old site away, so I will not link to the old one here. If you wish to go to this site, just go here - Your Faery Heaven. All my blue sites are linked up to a green site, and this one I've linked to my youngest daughter's, which I feel is a good choice as she's a sweet, happy young thing. If only she did not have to go to school. I too wish she didn't have to, as it's a terrible thing those schools. However I like our schools far better then many I've heard about and her school is very nice. There is nothing really bad about the school, apart from the wireless internet, which is everywhere in town. I'm glad we don't live in the town, but on the country side.

When I made this site I also thought about all the lost little children, as there are so many who had a child or almost had a child and then lost them. The worst possible thing I could imagine ever would happen is to have a child, and then the beautiful creation is ripped from your arms and you cannot hold them again, not see them grow up, know what they would become, share their lives with them and watch them fall in love, marry even and maybe one day too become a parent. That is the reason your children is so precious and you should guard yourself from pushing away anyone, as you wish to have them with you for as long as you live. It's crazy to think that so many parents actually do that and loose their children on purpose, when others could had given anything to have them still alive. Children are predisposed to care and love their parents so you have to work hard to make them leave you for ever. Sometimes however I think some children can find their parents too much in their teen years, and try to avoid them, and if so I think we should let them, even if it feels very sad and you might even feel deeply hurt and rejected by your child. Remember that it's not about you and sometimes having a very talkative parent who likes to discuss very boring subjects is just not what the young person wants.
I know this is so but it still is very sad that it's how it is. We are different and while some are talkative and very good at standing their ground and tell what they think, others are not. That's when you sit there like a prat and talk to yourself, if you know what I mean. If you have a very silent child you do know what I mean. Perhaps you've read something, heard something and you want to talk about it with someone and see what they think about it, but it's a very bad idea to choose to talk to a very silent teen, who only feel like you are totally ignoring them and totally up in your own world. I know as I've done that about a trillion times, but that's how I am and I don't know how to change. I want to talk, I want to communicate my thoughts and feelings, so to me it's very hard to be with people who are very secretive and refuse to share anything. It almosts angers me, and I don't like to feel that way. I like when feelings are very open and we are connected to each other, but I think that we just don't click so easily with everyone. Some people just don't like us that much. Or perhaps it's just that they don't know what to say or what to do when you are treating them like someone you can talk to about subjects you are interested in. That since they are not interested in those subjects, most likely, and don't want to be rude, while actually not at all interested. 

When people hear about children who have rejected their parents and wont socialize with them I think many believe it's due to silly little matters like the one I just mentioned. The parents are boring and talk about the same shit all the time, so the child can't be bothered as they are selfish and don't appreciate the sacrifices the parents had to make. Something of that order is what I believe such people imagine is the reason why someone would be so cruel to their poor parents. That's the general idea that I saw on TV when I was young and the only reason ever made for people turning their backs on their parents. Eventually I found out about what horrible things that could happen inside families, much worse then I've lived through as a child. I heard that there could be severe physical abuse, where a father would brake his own sons arm. It happened to a friend of mine, and after that his mother left their father. She was pregnant at the time and the daughter that she had didn't see her father until on his death bed. She was a very good friend of mine, the one I loved the most of all my friends, and it was hard to fantome how it must had felt to grow up like that. Their mother had swiftly remarried another guy and had a new baby girl almost immediately. What I know there was no abuse in the new family their mother fixed for them, and I do hope they still care for each other as it was a lovely family. 
The reasons a woman would marry a man that could do such a thing to a child is something that one might ponder upon. She was a very lovely lady and easy to talk to and I liked her alot, so she told me the story about how she'd been swept away by his intense charm and that he'd been the perfect gentleman up till they got married. As soon as that happened everything changed, like flipping a coin. When looking back at her incredible story of this charming and handsome man, that was so cruel and violent, it's clear he was some kind of narcissist or psychopath. She told me many other things, but it all fits. How she fell in love with him, how totally insanely in love she was, and the hurt and shock when he totally changed his personality once they were married. Such people tend to honeymoon you and then use tactics to brake you in and make you more easy to handle. She was a very strong woman with an incredible charisma, so if someone wanted soul energy she was the perfect target. It took two children and a third pregnancy before she left so alot of things must had happened during all that time. In my calculation it took her atleast three years before she had enough of him after he started to do his dr Jekyll and mr Hyde routine, going back and forth with her. Why I mention this is cause this was the first time I heard of anyone harming a child so very brutally as that father did.

Later on I heard that other people also sexually abused children and thinking back I then realized that I might had known such victims and then I understood all the pain I felt from them. At the time it only confused me, as I'm a sensitive and I feel what others around me are feeling. It's like this. I feel their feelings, but I don't really know why they feel it, only that it's there. When I avoid that person I don't feel the pain, so I know it's the other persons pain and not mine. Of course the result might be that people avoid a hurting person, which they actually do. People suffering alot is not easy to be around, when they wont talk about their issues. It's confusing and it's very depressing, so hence many avoid them. I don't blame people that do, but I get very upset and angry with people who try to use and mistreat these people I can feel are in pain. That again is something I've noticed happened. There was this pretty little girl who had a mother who had five children with five different men. She was the oldest daughter of them, and I felt there was some sadness in her. Another thing her girlfriends noticed was that a boy in our class began to harass her. He was also trying to intimidate me, threatenting to punsh my face in, but her he was sexually harassing. It truly upset us all and maybe he felt something under the surface, I don't know. 
What I know that girl killed herself later on in life, but I don't really know. I've known a few doing that and it's not too uncommon, but in my opinion there was a reason for it. There was something wrong with the family they grew up in and it was way worse then I had to put up with. I was not in lethal danger from physical abuse, nore did I have to fear any abuse from nasty guys dating my mother. All in all I had the perfect upbringing on the surface and many envied me so much they even had to make up lies about me to punsh a hole in what they percieved to be my perfect life. However, my life was not perfect and not even particulary wonderful. I was a very lonely child and that was why I played mostly with myself and from that comes my inability to play with others. I've played to long alone and had noone else to talk to. The girl who had no father was my friend awhile, but she had no ability to play the games I wanted to do. She had no imagination and when we played with the dolls she didn't know what the dolls would say, so she forced me to make up everything, including for her dolls. That annoyed me alot as I wanted a playmate who'd do that so the game would be more fun. It was not fun doing it her way as that was like playing on my own. I felt really mean to, not letting her dolls speak her words. 

Perhaps I'm too pushy and made her feel insecure, but that did not add up as I was the whimp of us two. She had loads of friends and she had a winning smile. Everyone seemed to like her and her jokes were hilarious. I had nothing to her and lots of boys adored her, though she was very picky. We did however find suitable partners about at the same time and the guy she ended up with and had children with was with her at my wedding. I think that was very lovely, even if I now hardly remember a thing from that day. To be honest I just think we were very different and despite me thinking we were really good friends she could pick any friend she wanted and I was kind of one of the most dull she knew. I outsmarted her big time at school and most of the things I talked about I'm sure she couldn't care less about. That's how it is with childhood friends, that no matter how much we love them we might not be what they need or want in life. But she and her family did teach me alot and with the thanks of them I found out what was wrong with me in my later teens when I got alot of migrains. My own mother said I did not have migrains and would not help me or listen to me, but my friends mother was a nurse and she knew what she was talking about. Thanks to her I did find something that could ease my pain and help me to cope.
In that way she was my guardian angel and so was that whole family, which is why I've dreamt my whole life that I'm down in their house or outside their house and I want to see them. But they are not there anymore and I can't find them. This dream is always very sad and I realize that I miss them alot, but to them I was just another silly person in their sea of friends. They had alot of friends and I hardly had any, as I'm kind of a nerd and like I said I talk about boring things and I wallow far too long over small details that makes ordinary people quite annoyed. So no wonder I annoy my teenagers! I know I do and I try to avoid them as it's not their job to listen to me going on and on about some YouTube video I saw or some comment I read. I wish however they'd tell me such things, but I do know that you don't in that age. I never spoke to my mother in that age and it took till I was a mother myself and close to 30 before she bothered with me really. I thought that ment that she'd regretted ignoring me most of my upbringing, but I'm not sure that was it. I think it was cause she does not like children, so therefore she ignored most of her children all their upbringing. She however did spoil her second son rotten and she had declared my sister a better human being then me even before she was born. I guess she must be as she's so very like mother. Or atleast in mothers eyes.

As you might had figured out this means that my mother was kind of a typical narcissistic mother who didn't bother with children, and was occupied with avoiding her responsibilies as a mother and a wife. She didn't clean our cloths and alot of the money she got from the state to buy us cloths with she saved up and bought furs for herself with. She didn't make us food and all groceries and meals were always due to our father. She didn't wash the dishes as she insisted that unless father bought us a washing machine she'd never do that, and he refused to buy one. She didn't clean the house more then occasionally whiped the dust from the nice furniture in the better living room, where us children had no access to until we were in our teens. There were alot of things this woman would not do, as it was beneth her. She acted like she was the queen of the castle and father was her servant and right hand who was to do all she demanded. On the surface she didn't look anything but harmless, unless you'd caught one of her evil stares. When she had that evil look in her eyes she scared the crap out of me. I had a nightmare that she was two people living inside of one body, and one was an evil demon. I will never forget that dream. Weird as my best friends family was, her without any real father, she often remarked on how weird mine was.
Lets talk about my gifts above. The two first ones are made using the same tutorial and the third is also totally made from a tutorial. The unicorn gift I took another picture then suggested, but the frame is made with the help of a tutorial. The pretty little angel baby is also from a tutorial, and so is the blond woman with the butterflies. I will stop talking gifts now as I think it's pretty obvious why I've choosen these gifts for this particular site. Fairies and butterflies kind of mix, like spirits of the living earth. I've had a dream about being a fairy once, but that was not too long ago when I was already a very grown up adult. In the dream I could fly, of course, and I flew up and down and around and around, until I by mistake flew into some helicopter wings that clipped my wings right off. So then I had to levitate up to the surface, as that had made me fall into the sea below, and I lifted myself up to the rocks and then I walked inside a hotel and started eating off their fruit bufé. I just knew that I was a fruit fairy and the only times in my life I needed to feed was when I needed to grow new wings. Soon after I'd eaten my fill of the fruit I felt that my new wings came out and I could begin to fly like before. It was an amazing feeling being a fairy and I felt the mischief inside of me. It was nothing malicious atall, but filled with laughter and joy.

It's not easy to describe how the feeling was, but I both wanted to be a little mischievious, and lark around with folks, but at the same time I had this very innocent total love for everyone, like a little child would have who never seen evil in his whole life. There was nothing dark or illwishing in this small person I was, when I was this fairy, but I was all love and joy. In many ways this was how I felt normally when I played around as a child, and then out of the blue other people came along and punished me for made up fairytales. I had only minded my own business, wanted for everyone to have fun and play, and somehow I now and then needed to be spanked on my bare butt according to my mother. That was the only physical punishment I remember from our parents when I was small, and it was far from braking any arms. Also it was done without any signs of anger or any explaination to why it was done. My guess is that it was mothers way of putting a wedge between me and dad as she had him do it. She never did. I also believe she made up a reason to him, so he did it. Otherwise I don't know if I could forgive him, if he hadn't heard a lie and believed it. I think that also explains why he seized to love me after a few years and even began to hate me. Atleast that was what I felt he did, and when he did I started to hate myself.
This is the danger with being a child that you tend to want to love your parents and when they reject you, you feel you are not worth anything any more. Many rejects teenagers as they are not as cute and cuddly anymore, but dad started rejecting me as soon as my baby sister was born. The last summer I felt like he totally still did love me was that summer after she was born. I remember how he taught me to change her dipers and alot of other things. We both loved that baby so much and she was so cute and cuddly it was hard not too. The problem was of course that someone made her believe that she was my responsibility and that's when things went south from there. I believe she in her mind blames me for all things that was not perfect in her upbringing, as she had me by her side up till she was a head taller then me and looked older then me. That's when I moved away from home, even if I kept in contact with her many years to come. It would had been better if she'd had a proper mother and if I could had been free to be a teenager instead of having to act like some half-parent to my sister. It was not like we were a family with ten children, where the mother was too overwhelmed to do all herself. No, our mother was just too lazy and selfish to spend her time being a proper mother to my sister and as soon as she became a teenager she moved in and put toxin into her against me.

That's what I'm sure happened as all of a sudden mother did all sorts of things with my sister. The only time mother travelled anywhere with me was when I turned 20 and I had to be her travelling companion on her trip to the States. First she wanted me to pay for the trip myself, but I think dad helped out and somehow I didn't have to pay for it. I think mother had to pay half and he paid the other half or something. It was all mothers idea to go and she was the one not wanting to go alone, and if you are alone and want to go travel people actually pay others to go with them as "travel companions", so why not? I was only 19 when we flew off and I turned 20 during the trip. There were no party planned, of course, as I've never had a birthday party in my life. Atleast not that I can remember, and I even have memories of me contemplating this issue as a young person, so I think that is correct that I never did. As I remember it only our spoiled brother had birthday parties. I think it should had been my birthday party to go to the States without paying, but it took alot of negotiation before my parents finally came to a conclution. They sure knew how to make you feel special and wanted - not. 
When my sister was only 12 years old mother started taking her on trips. She took her on loads of trips through the years, and I'm sure they never discussed who would pay for her. Not even when she got older, as they were divorcing when she turned 20 and then could fight over who spoiled her the most, like divorcees do. Since she was so much younger I never thought anything about all the trips and travelling she could do with her parents, and mostly her mother. It never entered my mind as I've never questioned anything really, but only noticing it and contemplating over the fate some people have and the fate of others. It's always been a weird fact to me that some people are just born to be admired and more right and precious then others, while some people were born to be ridiculed and talked down to. Many things I started to question in my teen years, but most of the things took my whole adult life to begin to dispute their authenticy of. Now I can't see why one person is right no matter if he's wrong, and another is wrong no matter that all the evidence clearly shows he's right. I just can't ignore this anymore that this is what is going on all over the place and it's so very wrong. Did people lie this much all my life, or has it gotten far worse?

It becomes more and more clear that there is a huge discrepency in humans ability to understand their lives and others communication. The base for a lot of this lack seem to be this very unequality, that the words and sentenses don't get interpreted correctly as there is some hostile filter in people's minds that stops them from truly analyzing the true intent with what is said. At the same time some seem to be highly equiped to uncover the animosity and aggression the more primitive of humans so easily put into their words. Many that do that have a natural leaning towards trying to smooth things over, back away to stop the aggressor from gaining more anger, and by doing that more or less backing away and letting the bully take over. This act is not really done due to cowardness, but a hope to bring peace and understanding. People like this seem to think that the aggressive person only needs to calm down and see sense, so lets not aggrivate him further. They will then also demand that whoever seem to aggrevate this angry person should back away. This is one of the greatest tricks the predator mind has pulled on humanity, as when you tell the rightful person to back away from his rightful claims, so not to annoy the unrightful and very aggressive predator, the predator wins the game. He will not calm down and the end result is always that justice looses.
This happens wherever you see aggression that is out of proportion and someone trying to stand up for their own rights, but gets sidetracked by someone that uses no logic reasoning that makes any sense, lots of unproven accusations, demeaning words about the other. Many are even enchanted by these aggressive people who will swiftly change from honey and smooth talking to others and into a demeaning and aggressive attitude against their target. This makes others, of weaker constitution, immediately prone to lick the shoes of the predators and help them bully and put down their opposers. So all in all there is almost different spieces on this planet, and even inside families. Some have kindness, empathy, low demands, gratitude, a feeling of responsibility to aid others in their wellbeing, while others are only out to get what they want, they need and fuck the rest. On the surface outsiders seem to get easily confused who's who and many seem to believe that the opposite is true about peoples true natures. I've seen this myself so I was not too shocked to find out that predators borrow the coat of the nice and kind little sheep in the flock and uses this one as their scapegoat. Someone to take the fall for all the bad things the wolf under cover actually does.

In a perfect world, where there is truly goodness, kindness and honest caring people you would need to be able to see through all such charades. There would not be any posibility to lie, to deceive, to harm in this very cruel and brutal way. It's this turning of tables, of harming the innocent and glorifying and assisting the true perpetrator, that has caused our world to drift so very far from the heavenly paradise this could have been like. The more evil we let in among us and accept and wont see through, the more death and destruction do we create. Deserts came only a few thousands years ago, so what paradise did we have before the dawn of this era? There is a great posibility we once lived in a paradise and that we through our own naivity let evil in and ever since then our world has been slowly dying. If it's gone too far already or if there is someway to turn things around might be a big question, but so far I've only witnessed the intent to bring on total inhaliation of our present culture and a huge part of the population. You can see this in what they are predictively programming us with through their mediums - their hypnotizists and magicians. What else purpose did you think media had, but to program us into believing and constructing the world those supporting the making of the media has.
There are realms filled with colours so radiant and so vibrant were the air itself seems filled with vitality and love is litterary in the air. It's such joyous places and you laugh and have fun, just like the place were the little fairy lived. And then there are dark and cold places where no colours live at all and all is grey and dull. Even the minds of men are dark and sadness rests in everyones heart. This planet has more and more become this latter kind of place, where so much sadness is encouraged to rule. But this planet was not intended to be such a place so despite the most dark and evil of actions it's like the little fairy of joy seeps through and bring laughter into the hearts of children. It's the spirit of this earth that seeps through and wish her children to re-joyce while they are here alive on her. Earth has given us so much we should be happy about, but nowdays some power is working overtime to shut all that down and the only scare that someone like me could have is that this attempt would succeed. The key to the soloution lies straight in the hands and hearts of mankind themselves, as if they wish to stay on this planet they must live like she wants us to do, or we will not be able to stay here much longer.

When people are cruel and heartless and have no empathy, no love, no care and can do horrible things to their kin without any regret, then these people don't belong here. That's the first message I got, that this kind of person must go as there is no place for such thinking. Only people who care and help out and love each other belongs here. You know who you are by how you react to others and how you wish to help others. When you meet nasty people who lie about others, about you, and are hostile and make stories up to paint others as villains and monsters out of their own foul minds, you know which kind of paranoid people this planet does not want to have here. These people like to murder what is alive, for no particular reason, and they don't look after things so they bloom and thrive, but they let things go if there is no money to gain from keeping it pretty. They only do things to gain themselves and not ever for the purpose of keeping things nice and good for everyone and so it will keep to the future and thrive and grow and build for future generations. These people are only in it for it now, for themselves, and they want the benifits to be reaped while they are alive, and screw the future.
These are the people helping to ravish this planet with wars, weather manipulations and drought and starvation and using horrible methods of mining that cracks the earth, putting radiations in our seas, atmosphere, poluting and destroying everything, on land, in sea and in the air. I could go on and on about what they do just to earn more money. They are horders of money and wealth and they don't care what harm what they are doing to this planet will cause all life living here, only if they can hord a little more. To aid them in this mission they've gathered alot of people who only wish to make a living, while sacrificing their childrens future. It's the shortterm thinking the thick and stupid have, which is a big problem here that this planet is filled with stupid people. Even alot of really nice people are stupid, but somehow nice makes people less stupid. A nasty person might score higher on a IQ test then a nice person, but somehow it's like the niceness add so much intelligence to the mix, that the IQ test not might pick up. There is of course other tests, but the greatest test is if you are a good person or not. Do you lie to gain scraps from your kin or are you an honest person to them and share equally and fair? 

The pure souls and hearts will see that unfairness is not a good thing, while people that have let darkness into them will believe that some should have much more then others, for no reason then them being alive. That's how easy it is to judge who's a good person and who's not. So simple as that. I've made a few more gifts here as you can see and two fairies I used a tutorial to make the green and turquoise frame, just like the little birds on a blooming cherry bransch, and the fountain in the park. All given frames I made using tutorials. The lady on the beach is a tutorial and so is the one above here, though I added the bottom part to write on. The little cute fairy tag below is also a tutorial. There is another thing that lures us here on this world right now, which makes it so hard to actually judge what others truly are. It's that too many has lost their ability to see into anothers heart anymore. That's why the enchanters now has all the power and the honest and caring people are punshed in the face by others, that truly believe they hit the bad guy. It's cause the truly bad guys hide behind these masks, these fake perfect images, and people adore them as if they were wiser, better, more deserving. I think that's why they let us know after some of them have died, that their true nature was vile and cruel, so to make the enchanted wake up and start to watch behind the surface.

Queen Angelica - Fairyaland Poetry

tisdag 10 mars 2015

The Inevitable Consequences of a Curse

It's been awhile since I started to plan to make this post as it's a very important subject. Raging, unrightful curses, done by self entitled liars who wish to destroy an honest, loving person they've themselves have harmed holds no credit. I just wish to point that out as I've been hit by severe dark energy since April 2013 and I've blocked as much as I've been able to. By the end of May 2013 I'd had it with all the projections that I had to deal with, both in real life mails and in the energy that accompanied them. Still I did pick up alot of dark energy comming my way, even after blocking all the negative, untruthful mails and not reading them. So I did what I always do when I'm faced with these kind of attacks. I put out a curse. I always make a curse when someone is trying to harm me or my loved ones and they always work. Totally. 
I've never made a curse not come true, just the way I wished them to, because I never make unrightful curses. I might get very angry and say angry things, like all people who are attacked by liars and con artists, brutal assault on you as a caring, loving person where your attacker is out to destroy your very essence and strip you off your will to live. That's what all the very dark energy is there for, which such persons send out, to rip your life force from you so you will get deeply depressed, and if their dream come true - kill yourself. There are plenty of suicide makers out there, make no mistake about it. People who love to see others suffer immensly and kill themselves. I've myself seen the smug smile on a woman's face after her client killed himself. Her job was to keep him alive, so why was she so satisfied with his suicied? That question has bugged me ever since I found out the truth, perhaps as far back as 40 years ago, about his suicide. She told it, despite her constant proclaimations she could not even tell the slightest thing to me about her duties at work as everything was confidential. How come this wasn't? A client killing himself I sure would concider the utmost important information to keep quiet about, but instead she choose to share that one, while more mondane stuff had to be kept in the dark. 

That didn't add up, and in my present place of knowledge I've realized it was cause the rest was boring in her mind, so she didn't want to talk about it, while the suicied excited her, so she talked about it. The confidentiality was just a cover to not have to talk about what bored her. There is no reason a person working with something they have to keep quiet about the clients identities could not talk about their jobs in general terms. Like a doctor who cannot talk about what he does at work - of course he can! If he's a heart doctor he can talk about procedures he does and what he's looking for, without even braking any laws by revealing the patients names. I still remember the feeling of guilt I got when I was declined to hear the slightest things about her work, and also the very bewilderment I experienced when she so openly bragged about how she failed this boy, so he commited suicide. She didn't put it out like she failed him, but of course that was the concequense of her not being able to keep him alive. She'd even told about his near death experience and how that made him long for death, so hence ending up with psychiatric care, as he'd tried to kill himself before. She should not had been excited, but devestated over her failure.
So yes, there are people out there who wish others to kill themselves. And when you then concider that this very woman has two children, who both had suicidal thoughts while living under her roof, and the oldest one openly admits today that if he'd not moved out he doubt he'd made it much longer without fullfilling this wish, it makes it all very clear that she was very destructive to young minds and their life forces. When she found out almost two years ago that I was under harassment by people trying to smear me and crush me she showed zero care for those matters, but instead helped out. It was like she took pleasure in the idea that I was under attack and suffering due to the injustice and the hatefullness of all of it. She actually lied to smear both me and my husband to relatives and she's kept on doing this ever since. Her favorite smear is to tell people that I'm mentally ill, which she knows nothing about as I've refused to speak to her after I found out she was taking side against me in a legal matter, where she helped the con artists in their goal to cheat me and my family and another family to get more money then us. She must have been in on this plan from day one, starting as far off as in the early 90's.

As soon as I was informed that this woman was going to lie to make it out as if I was the one lying I stopped talking to her. I knew she would attempt to bully me into giving up my statement and let them run over me and all of us again. She's done that my whole life, and like I said the oldest son's life, which is why we both felt like dying was the only solution while we lived under her roof. It's cause our life forces were drained every time we had to give in and give up our rights so those more deserving could get more. Every time you are conned to lay down and take a beating you give up your life force and I didn't know that. She raised us with the lie that a man getting smacked on one cheak should only turn the other cheak around, which is falsehood. The saying means that if you show a person kindness and are rewarded with cruelty, you should turn another side to this person. That is you should not show them kindness anymore, but use your good judgement in treating them like they deserve, and that is not to give up your own rights for their selfish benifits. So when I heard she was going to lie I refused speaking to her, as I didn't want to hear her lie straight to me. I didn't want to get angry with her, screaming at her, for lying to me. She'd been lying for 20 years to me and I had all the rights to be angry with her for not admitting to it. 
If she'd not lied on purpose she should had asked for forgiveness at once, not kept lying, like I heard she intended to do in April 2013. I made sure she knew the truth and already in June that year it stood clear she knew fully well what she'd said to me for 20 years was a lie. She knew I had read the paper she'd told me all those years did not exist. She knew that I had a witness in my oldest brother, who'd seen me read that paper, and he'd himself gotten a peep at it. She also knew that all she'd said after finding out this were lies. The years following this I've found out she's changed her story, so now she claims that everyone knew about the existance of this paper all the time. A totally new version of reality, as you can see. I don't know who knew about this paper, but after what she herself told me for more then 20 years she didn't until 2013. And I didn't know about the paper until I read it in September 2012. My oldest brother only got a peep at this paper and didn't realize it was THAT paper, just a paper concerning those matters. Also he's told me that he believed there was no paper, so he just didn't comprehend it was that paper when he got a glance of it. I told him about this paper about four months after we'd seen it, but still at that time he was totally convinced there was no paper on this matter.

So, concidering all this, how could she not know the truth? She knew that she used to tell us there was no paper, but when the truth there was she seemed not bothered and ever after she's been claiming there always been a paper, and that everyone always known about it! This is the kind of person that will drive people to suicide as she will never ever admit that you are right, or that you've been lied to or that she's been wrong or that she lied to you. She never will, and she never will care that she hurts you with her lies. The person she's loyal to is her youngest daughter, and it's obvious that she's identifying with this daughter and is very much admiring the ability she has of conning people and making up shit others believe in. Like admiration among deceivers, I guess. She was very pushy at moving close to this daughter and she was hanging after her like a puppy for years, so that she totally wished to be in her favour is quite easy to tell. So much she does not care she's totally screwed her relationship with so many people, starting with me. She just does not care, as she never cared about me. I never mattered to her. Ever. She's so far kept her promise she made to me when I was five, and that's about the only promise she ever has kept. The promise to never help me acheive any of my goals ever.
When I was told this I was like I said only five years old, and she'd just pulled a con on me to make me believe she'd actually tried to fullfill a dream I had, which was all a lie. She never did, but she pretended she was, and then she claimed she'd tried to and that I was the ungrateful one for not appreciating her attempt to help me. All lies. It was during this little con, when we were alone, she made the promise to never help me ever with anything I wanted in my whole life. She was screaming it with so much hate and I was sitting there in shock as I just had been fooled big time out of my biggest dream. She made me believe I was to get what I so much wanted, and then it was all a scam, nothing real, and I had seen that and that was why I was in shock. So I was sitting in the car on the way home again, and listened to her rants about never ever letting me have anything in my whole life that I wanted, as she'd make sure I never would. These are the typical rantings and promises you see narcissists do, and narcissists will hate you only for being loved by your father. Female narcissists hate their daughters if their fathers love them. They are jealous of their own children and will do things to make the fathers, and others, hate this daugther aswell.

This woman has also badmouthed my father and her favorite daughter, claiming they had an incesteous relationship, during one of her jealous fits. I don't believe her one second and also she only made that claim once. That is what she most of the times do when she's upset over something. She makes out some horrendeous over the top lie about the people, stuff her twisted sick brain makes up, and she phones people and tell this made up story. Then she acts like she never done it, and those she's spoken to will feel confused and uncomfortable being around the persons she's badmouthed this way. It is so evil to do this and she never put things right or phone up the same people and tell them she was mistaken. She just let her lies hang there for ever. Never spoken about again. If you bring up something she's made up and asks her about it she'll just deny ever saying it. I've seen that happen many times when I've asked about one of the things she's told me. It's then mostly been quite innocent stories, like when she said she was suffering from rheumatic pain since childhood and that was the reason she did not do housework. 
I felt dead sorry for her when she told me and passed on the story to others, as an explaination for the lack of work she did in the household. I felt so guilty for being angry with her due to her laziness, when I decades later found out she's been ill all this time. A few years after I'd been told this story I brought it up with her, and I mentioned her rheumatic pain and all that, and she was totally confused and didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. I shut up and got that uneasy feeling I so often get with her and her likes. That is her two favorite children. They make me feel sick, to be honest. There is something about them that is not right, and you don't get it until it's too late. You start out treating them like you would any normal person just to get this "unreal" feeling when nothing is like it was. The past changes, what has happened have not happened anymore. History is changing in the present. Nothing is certain, everything is unsure and you cannot know anything as it might have changed what was. You feel sick and now I know why that is. It's cause it is. It is what is called "psychotic" by nature and it's also what people like to refer to as "gaslighting". It's when you lie to people what has happened, and the lies catches up on you so you lie to cover up the original lie. 

Perhaps alot of the new lies happen as the person doing the old lies forgot what lies they told, so they by mistake rejects something they themselves told you. I think that is what happened with the rheumatic pain story. Other events, that were very unflattering to this person, or her favorites, might however straight out be denied afterwards just to cover up the truth. Ordinary people not remembering something will just say so, but when you run accross this kind of cover ups you will find yourself being verbally abused for bringing something up that which was to their disadvantage. If I would hear someone say something I've done that was not good and I honestly did not remember I'd be asking questions to understand when this happened, and where, so I perhaps could remember it from my point of view. But this is not what happens with the type of person that has narcissism. No, instead they flat out denies it and ridicules you and they attack you with vicious accussations, making you out as a mentally ill bully out to defame them. It's so over the top you just can feel they are desperatly hiding the truth by distracting everyones attention to you and your malice instead. Or rather your supposed malice, as it's only them claiming it.
Malicious people always claim others are malicous long before the other one has done anything even remotely malicious. They will make up horrible things to distract from what they are up to and they will project ALL their own bad qualities to their innocent victim. It's a very bad place to be, to be assaulted with all this hate and negative energy. Particulary if you are totally innocent and all you've done is speak the truth, be honest, cared for everyones well being and never had a malicious thought in your head. When you are that kind of sweet person and you are hit with this vile and evil behavior from others you are all in your right to make a curse on those tormenting you. That is what I call making a Karma curse and there is nothing wrong with making such a curse as you are only assisting the course of nature when you do them. You take the vileness and malice the hateful person are projecting at you and you put it into a curse and you send it back to them. All wrapped in a bow. When you do this you must be very pure in your intent and not in any way be vengeful, but totally wanting what they deserve to come to them. Give to those that is of need to get what they have coming to reap what they have sown.

There is nothing revengeful in a Karma curse, I can assure you. And not everyone can make one as you need to have the right intent and be in contact with the right kind of energy to be able to. Anyone can try to make a curse, but few will manage to do so. So far I've never experienced that any curse I've made have not come true. Some has started to materialize only a couple of weeks after I spoke them, others have been ongoing for many years until I've felt satisfaction and dispelled the curse. It all depends on what I wish to accomplish with my curse how long it will last. In a few rare cases I've cursed a person to death, despite that I promised to not do that as the first one I did manifested to the very details I'd spoken it. I said I would not do it again as I felt that a Karma curse would be there to teach the person a lesson, but now I realized that death can teach those still alive a lesson too. Also people not deserving to suffer can be saved if a very evil person is dead, so a curse to death is not all bad, if given to a truly evil person causing many so much death, pain and suffering. It all depends really and since death is not final and I know this I don't think a curse to death is such a bad thing anymore. Perhaps my own near death experience made me realize that death sometimes is deserved, and as you can see I didn't die.
I didn't die, but I did slowly realize that my non-death was not a too happy event for some people. Actually I absolutely believe now that the very woman who caused me so much pain and suffering as a child and teen would had rather have me dying then surviving. Atleast I'm pretty sure she didn't care that I survived more then as a conveniance so she could dump her dog on me. After I'd been admitted to hospital and put under intense care she didn't visit me there. She didn't visit me two weeks later, after I was let home again and it took her another month to come by and then only to dump her dog. She did spend Christmas with us the next month and were then forced to take back her dog, but she totally ignored me and seemed more bothered with me then happy I was still living. After that I didn't see her until four months later, when she yet again dumped her dog on me. She refused to celebrate my 50th birthday with me and came by a few days later to give me an old gold ring she'd gotten after her mother. She'd already had her favorite daughter to choose the ring she wanted, so I had to make due with the one that was left. I'd been told I was to make the choice, but as always she broke her promise. She always seems to brake her promises, except that one she made when I was five.

This was in early June of 2012 and I didn't see her again until that horrible, so called birthday party, she and her favorites pretended to have for me in late July. She was totally drunk, didn't do a thing to make the party happen and was quite rude to me when I was kind to her. She laughed at the prospect that I was to die soon, when I told her I'd been depressed the whole spring and summer and didn't think I'd live much longer. It was obvious to me that I suffered some survivor depression, which happens when you thought you would die and then don't, but you are not sure you are alright yet, so you feel like you will die soon anyways. I thought I might have cancer or whatever, as that was highly likely due to the poor condition I'd been in for so long. It was obvious to me by her reaction that she was unmoved by all of this and did not care one bit if I died and she even jokingly talked about how father soon would be dead. So the next time I see her is on the hospital after father had died, and the last time ever I've seen her is a month later at father's funeral in October 2012. That is one year after I was out of the hospital myself, treated for very severe anemia that would had soon killed me if it had gone untreated much longer.
So a year after I'm saved I am at my fathers funeral, and despite me being really sad that I'd been so ill for so many years and not had the energy to spend more time with my father, I was also happy that I was not dead too. I was happy that my father had atleast had the chance to see his children grow up and all his grandchildren be born. He had the chance to spend time with all of us, as much as he wished. That was his choice, not mine. He had had every opportunity to get to know all my four children very well, and he could had made sure we'd felt dead welcome to him. He could had made plans for our arrival and treated my children like he missed them and loved to be with them. He could had taken them to the lake to let them bath and he could had let them sit with him in his tractor. That was all choices he could had made and didn't. Instead he treated my children like half unwanted side attractions, that most of the times just bothered him when he had more important things to do. He never asked them to sit with him in his tractor, never took them to the lake and never ever did any of the things I know he did with his other grandchildren. And I can tell you that those facts hurt a mother's heart more then anything to see. My children were dead cute ones too. They still are. I'd say they were the cutest of all his grandchildren, but then I'm bias.

The reason I tell you this is cause I've been guilt tripped enough by those favorite bastards for not caring enough about fathers death. I bet that none of them care as much as I do, and none of them have suffered the horrible nightmares I've had with father in them. I started having them really badly half a year before he died and I told that evil woman about them and she made some lame excuses. The nightmare was that I was not allowed to get onto father's farm by strangers, and father didn't tell them I was his daughter. I screamed to him that I'm his daughter and that I have a right to come and visit him, but he stood there without hearing me, it seemed like. I ran up to him in the dream and I told him every thing I was hurt by, that he'd done or not done. One of those things was that he never got in touch when I was in hospital or ever after about what had happened to me. Like he cared shit if I died. That hurt me alot and I told him so in the nightmare. I told him about my children and how that had hurt me that he didn't care for them atall. There were many things I told in that dream, but I forgot most of them afterwards, but one I did tell the evil woman was that about him not asking me about my illness atall, or getting in touch once. And this was six months later.
She'd just laughed it off, telling me that this is how my father is, and nothing to worry about. It is just him being him. I said I did not care as I would had come to his bedside at once if he was taken ill, which I always did as soon as I found out. Later, after father had died, I found out that this evil woman had lied and that she never had told him about my illness, or my ordeal at the hospital. Nothing. She'd not told him and she'd not told his sister. Or atleast, she'd not told any of his sisters, and she'd not told her brother-in-law either, and as it turned out in July 2012, neither had my sister. It turned out that both of them were keeping secrets and didn't tell people about what had happened to me. If by selfish neglect or on purpose I cannot say, but when my brother-in-law found out it was quite obvious that my sister did lie to him straight in his face that she didn't know about my illness, as I have two mails that prove she did. I believe now she found out through my daughter on Facebook, and not from her mother, which I'd at the time imagined was the case. And I believe this was how anyone who heard about it found out. I truly believe today that this evil mother, pretending to me that my father did not care, had not told a soul about my predicament. Until proven otherwise, this is what I will keep on believing.

Like I said I seized all contact with her after I found out she was going to testify against me back in springtime 2013. She found out the truth and knew I was in my right and also had a witness to confirm my version of events before my birthday that year, which occurs the first day of summer. Still she wrote a mail to me on my birthday where she stood by her false testimony and pretended that what I had provably read never happened. That is what happens with crazy people, that they will not understand reality. And narcissists are among the most crazy there is. If you would torture them I'm sure they very well know the truth, and that they are only pretending to be crazy, as it's unbareable for them to not get what they want, so when facing defeat they just deny it. And they lie so convincing they many times sway the uninformed in their favor. That's how they win their battles - with multiple lies. They are the liars of this world and they will lie to make everyone believe anyone speaking up against them are the liars instead. Narcissists use projections of all their own faults as one of their foremost weapons. Mine are my ability to manifest any curse I put out there and till this happened I'd never cursed this evil woman, nore her favorite daughter. 
I did once put a curse on a relationship her favorite son had, and soon after it was broken. Actually, his engagements broke off so often that I might not even had to bother, but they were dead set on marrying so I felt I needed to secure that it never happened. Today I almost feel grateful to that bitch he was engage to as he was dead set on taking away my big day by forcing me to have a double wedding. At that time I would never dream about going against him in any ways, and almost asked him for forgiveness when he stole a kitty from me, as this bride of his demanded him to do so. I felt guilty for asking him to honour my request and atleast pay something for the kitty and sign the papers. He paid some, but they both refused to sign the obligatory papers I always made buyers sign. Well, that was the first litter I sold, but I kept that agreement all through the years I sold kitties and the only people that refused to sign this paper was them. I don't remember if my sister signed hers, only that she refused to pay for the kitty she'd ordered from me when I delivered it to the south of the country. A very far way from where we lived at the time. 

That's how "tame" I'd become by that time, that I never went against any of the vile behavior they showed. I used to complain behind their backs alot, but in the end I obeyed their wishes. It's very like how we as a people act towards the state, the government, our tormentors and rulers in this world. We complain, but we rarely dare to oppose them openly or go against orders we truly hate. I used to hate so many orders they gave me, but I felt I had to obey them and I must say that I many times hated them for forcing me to do things I've told them I did not want to. Even things I straight out said I could not do, they in the end made me agree to. Like paying for things that was far out of my range and would cause me severe harm if I spent any on. I would diagnose myself as being a sufferer of Stockholms Syndrome, which is another name for trauma bonding. Where you are emotionally connected to your tormentors. Now and then I did get too upset and I did make that curse on the fiancée due to her actions with the kitty and refusing to sign the paper. 
But today I am almost a bit thankful towards her, as she would not have anything to do with that double wedding plan my brother had made. At the time I felt it like she didn't want me to steal her thunder, but today I realize that it was all about stealing my thunder. It would not had been my wedding day anymore, but ours. I'm dead grateful to her - Veronica - for making sure my wedding day was my wedding day and noone elses. I wondered about that name alot as a few years later I befriended another girl named Veronica and I loved her so much. I had hated that name and I had heard so much foul things about this bitch called Veronica, that wished to marry my brother, who'd forced him to forsake his whole family and particulary his mother for her. It was mostly stories by the mother, but also the kitty event, and that she according to my brother had ordered him to leave in the middle of my wedding, that all made me think she was a true bitch. But if you look objectively at things, I don't really know. It was always my brother telling me that Veronica said this and that, or someone else. I actually only heard her over the phone once, in the background, raging over me wanting to see the kitty she had my brother to steal for her. He had borrowed the kitty, as she wanted to look at it, and then he refused to bring it back. All on her orders, I was told. 

I have no reason to doubt anything I heard about her, and my guess is that she was some kind of covert narcissist, as my brother acts like a typical overt one, and the coverts are masters on manipulating the overts. The battle between mother and this Veronica is also typical narcissists, as they do want to have their partners all under their own spell, so it's not good to have a husband who's a little mommy's boy. And it also explains why her ex seemed to have been some real psycho and why she got furious over the tought of having to share her wedding day. To me sharing anything was totally natural as I'd not had anything of my own that had not been destroyed by that time. Not being able to put up boundaries and not understanding that you do have rights and can get angry, without having to feel guilt for your own needs, wants, wishes, is what narcissists do to their victims. That is why there is yet another term used today for people like myself, who's been under this mind control from childhood, that we have none of these rights. A mind control orchestrated by the very people who were supposed to love and protect us - our own family. It's when you are raised by either one or two narcissistic parents you will be taught that nothing you value has any worth. None of your desires will ever come to be.
The term that I've found for this abuse goes something like narcissistic victim syndrome, or something similar. I don't remember for sure anymore, and I don't feel like looking it up again. But it's a good description of the ailment as what you've been taught from early childhood has broken down all your own boundaries, where you normally would had been able to tell the bullies no. Instead you are taught to obey your "owners" and never question their commandments. I want to point out that this mind control is not general, it's not like a person under it will obey anyone. No, they are trained to obey only those who trained them and they will look up on them like the "wise ones". It's very typical for a sufferer of this form of syndrom to quote their narcissists every word like they were spoken by a god. No wonder people found that annoying when I did it and I'm glad to be rid of such horrible behavior. I was under special mind control and I broke it. It began to happen after my ordeal in autumn 2011 and continuing till this day. I am constantly braking the bonds that binds me to be a slave to my tormentors. I'm not a lesser being then them and I demand the same respect from them, as I gave them for half a century. Since they refuse to give it to me I have cursed them all for what they've done. They know what they've done, and there is no hiding from what truly is.

Like I said the evil woman found out the truth in 2013 and so did the overt narcissist I used to look up to and believe cared for me. I still believed he cared for me in summer 2012, and it was a shock to hear that he'd said noone cared enough for me to help him out with the birthday party he'd promised me. Noone cared I was still alive, so noone cared to buy some steaks to put on a grill. And noone cared to grill them, noone cared to make the tables, buy some nice things and make the party they'd promised to make for me. Noone cared. I saw that in summer 2012 and it was hard to miss. I saw the gifts were jokes, hastily put together out of old gifts or used up garbage, or just things they happened to have laying around, or empty promises. There were no love, no care put into any of it. Everything was clearly made to make me feel unwanted, like nobody cared that I had survived. It was hard to miss. I noticed. But I hung on to the belief that my brother had wanted to make it all well, but was sloppy and thoughtless and lacked insight into how others was made to feel. I kept believing that he had nothing to do with this mess, until summer last year. I think that was when the final scales fell from my eyes and I had to face the truth.
It was last summer that I finally realized that he was deliberatly lying about me. Making up false accusations to make me look bad and help him gain a building, that demonstratably ment more to him then my love for him. I had a year earlier had to face the truth that my own sister, whom I'd helped to raise from birth till she was a teenager, cared so little for me that she rather used me as a pawn she could sacrifice, all in her scheme to gain a house for peanuts. So after wondering a year if the brother only had been fooled by our sister, I found out last summer he deliberatly lied aswell to harm me. He had already back in spring 2013 said he had the same kind of paper as the one I had read. The paper our sister had on the house she wanted. Her version of that paper is not what I read, and she refuses to show it, and she lies and says she never let me read it. And then the brother joined her lies in summer 2014 and said that not only did he also have the same kind of paper, but his paper had gone the same fate as hers. She lied that summer and said I had stolen it, but not read it. She said those things in the same mail, by the way. 

She said alot more of what she obviously was leaning towards the year before and all of what she said this brother agreed upon. But he put his contradictory statements in two mails. In his first mail to another person - not me - he's written that he could prove that I never read the sister's paper and then in another mail he said that I must have taken both her paper and his paper. In spring 2013 he'd acted like he had an oral agreement with father, and had said it like he thought our sister also only had an oral agreement. To be honest I think he, just like me and the oldest brother, had been conned into believing this, but as soon as he heard it was a written paper he made it out like he known about it all along. And he also pretended that he'd had a written agreement aswell. He didn't act one bit surprised, which was the only surprising thing about his behavior. It was just like their mother's behavior when she found out that the agreement she'd claimed had been only oral, was indeed on paper. She didn't act one bit surprised, and she wrote a mail to me on my birthday in 2013. She wrote seven lines of text and in those seven lines she managed to sqeeze in nine lies. That is pretty impressive, I should say. 
I honestly don't know for sure if they both are mad or if they are waiting for cues to when to mention something and what is real and what is not. I get the impression that it's the younger sister who's directing them, and they take orders straight from her on what to believe on a certain moment. What is real does not matter, only what she claims at the moment is. That's the impression they give me as they keep changing historical events, claiming first that everyone known about this oral agreement for ever, and the next time that it's a written agreement we've all known about. That despite all the phone calls I've recieved through these 20 years from mother about this very matter. She seems to be very invested in this lie and she kept phoning me and again and again claiming how horrible it was for poor little sister of mine that she only had an oral promise that the house would be hers one day. That's what I've been told and that's what I've believed all this time, that when father died he'd promised that the house would be given for free to my sister. So that was what I intended to do. Until she showed me it was all a lie. He intended no such thing. She had lied. Why? 

Most likely to make me feel insignificant as she's a very evil person indeed. She's rotten to the core. She's a monster. The things she's done to me through life, which I forgave her partly cause I loved her so much and partly cause I had no understanding of my own rights, as that was how I was brainwashed to behave. I had been taught to not hold grudges against those who betrayed me, who harmed me, who hurt me by taking all what mattered to me and crushed it. I was trained to not hold on to anything, cause everything I cared for would be ripped from me. So I forgave her everything. Or so I thought. After all that happened I finally realized I am not allowed by Karma to forgive someone who wont change her behavior and who wont regret her sins. She's sinned against me severely so she has to pay. She's turned the people I thought cared about me the most against me. Well, apart from my own created family. Perhaps she hasn't. Perhaps they never cared. I know that now, that if they'd cared she couldn't have done that. But she made it clear to me whom they really were. I will for ever be grateful to my little sister for showing me what an evil cow her mother is. 
The mother told me a few months back that I was wrong and that she never indended to meddle in the legal quarrel. She claimed she'd never intended to testify on behalf of my sister. I knew I'd read that she'd promised herself to do that so I told her she was not correct and that she should go back and read the old mails herself to see. Which I'm sure she didn't bother to do, as in her mind I'm not worth it. The only thing that evil woman likes is to harm people, to hurt them, to lie about them, to defame them, to spread shit about people for no reason but spite, it seems to me. So she said she'd not taken sides and that I was wrong. What a big surprise then when she wrote to the lawyer shortly after that phonecall and took sides. She lied to him just as many times as she did in her mail to me on my birthday in 2013. This mail she sent the lawyer was in early 2015, so a little more then 1½ years later, and she was lying about being married to my father in 1992, and living with him, despite them seperating seven years before that. She also lied and said that my sister had not gotten any monetary gifts from father, despite the lawyer showing me he had proof she'd gotten 344 000 in gifts. 

She also lied to the lawyer and said that the sister was the only one who'd not gotten a car from father, when it was the oldest brother that never got one (his brother's old car was dumped on him of no choice of his own). And this sister had gotten her car before me, and he only gave it to me as I'd received so much less then anyone else. She knew that as she'd said it enough times herself to me directly father's last years alive. So she only wrote the lawyer to hurt us and our children, just like I said to her she did and that she needed to ask my forgivness for doing. She'd shortly before she wrote that lying mail said to me she had nothing to apologize for, so perhaps she felt she needed more evil deeds to repent before she could make her excuses? According to the lawyer I had, with the car added, only received 300 000 in gifts from father, and I'm much older then my sister and I have four times the numer of children as she does. So why did I get so much less? The thing is that she tried to keep money from the records, so she might have received far more. Also she had a rent free summer house for 20 years, thanks to father, and that would amount to atleast the double of what she's been given in money. My guess is that the true value of all she's received would be rather about 1 000 000 - 1 200 000. But who's counting. Not me. But she is.
She's now quarreling over peanuts, afraid I will get anything atall. My narcissistic brother is still going on about father's car I was pressured into taking care of. We had it valued to less then 10 000, but he's still demanding 35-40 000, despite that we'd agreed upon something like 25 000, when I took it over. I never discussed the amount, as I was told it equalled the cost the repair amounted to, which was less then 24 000. So how could 24 000 suddenly become 40 000 you ask? Cause sister put it down in her records. She either by mistake, or to create hassle for me, made an accounting error, and when I saw it hell broke loose. I totally believe now both sister and this evil brother made up this quarrel over the value of the car only to spite me. I think they are all evil people deserving the worst curses I have. I cannot give them any curse they don't deserve, but to be able to make a curse I do need to feel deep down in my soul that the person I give it to deserves what they get. It does not matter so much if I love them still or not, as sometimes curses will manifest better if there is love in them too. 

For instance, if I wish to truly know if they've done this all out of spite and malice, I might add a little condition to the curse. If I don't care I might not. I feel it's far better to make this condition, that if they only care to gain as much money and power as possible, by lies and deceite if necessary, they will be cursed by the very curse I've put on them. Since they themselves already by default have all put a curse on themselve, which I made in May 2013, I will most likely not have too much trouble making this condition work. In May I'd challenged my sister to tell the truth or swear an oath, that had a horrible curse added to it. She choosed to answer this challenge with hords of lies and so she activated the curse that I'd added. I even warned her to reply to me with lies, and still she lied and she spread her lies to many more people, so she even spread smear about me on top of it all. To do that will only make things much worse. The last person doing that to me got eight years in prison, after he'd totally ruined his whole life. I didn't really have to do anything, but repeat my curse, again and again, for a few years. 
I watched how my curses had manifested after a few years one by one, until I finally found out he'd been put behind bars, and that was when I draw back my curse. I have no more interest in him. I now know the truth about him and I feel nothing for him. If I saw him on the street I'd walk by him like he was nothing. I'd not even look at him, but through him like he was invisible, as that is what he is now. That is the true consequence of a curse, that the person you've cursed is afterwards nothing to you. All the hurt, the harm, the pain that person caused you is gone when the curse has come to be. It does not matter if the person only lost his car, due to your curse, or his life. After it's done it's done. You're done with that person. And this is the real reason to make a curse on someone, so you can be done with them. You cannot forgive someone who wont repent, and anyone who talks nonsens about differences between forgivness and other shit, is merely talking nonsens. I feel it in my stomach when I hear nonsens, so that is nonsens. 

Forgiving is not moving on, but telling a person you don't hold that against him what he's done. It has nothing to do with anything else, but you saying to yourself that you accept what that person did to you as being okay to do to you. So as long as you don't accept that, and the person has not regretted doing that, you cannot forgive. Forgiveness is not a thing you need to do to move on. What you need to to is letting go, and letting go has nothing to do with forgiveness. I don't forgive the man that ended up in jail. What he did was sick and he's sick for doing such things. I still feel sick thinking about how he came up with such foul schemes, just to hurt me, cause he knew he could. He does not deserve love from anyone, as he's not able to care and love anyone. He's a rotten friend, lousy husband and father. And I'm sure he was a dreadfully spoiled and selfrighteous brother and son. Someone who used his charm to trick people into caring for him, while he only used them. I cannot forgive him for all the harm he's done to me or anyone else that he's hurt with his childish behavior. 
Not until one day, in one thousand lifetimes, when he does not do such things to others and truly feel the pain from others in his heart. If that ever will occure, which I seriously doubt as I think people make their choices and he choose another way then I'd wish he would. And that's why he ended up in jail, as I'd rather seen him ended up happy married for ever after. But a curse is a curse, and once it's cast it lives it's life and my curse was that if he had harmed us on purpose, and had no regrets, his life would fall apart till nothing was left. So be it. And the curse I've made now, starting in 2013, is that all whom are lying to help themselves, and help those who lie by lying themselves, and also all who rather believe these lies then the truth are all damned. That is the curse and to be damned is to slowly walk on a path to hell. Just like the man who ended up in jail did, only that I lifted his curse once I knew what had befallen him. I never forgave him, I only let go. I'd had my answer and it was never about revenge.

I did not hate him and I only needed to know and if he'd put us through all that out of spite, he surely did need some punishment. So in the end I felt like it was some kind of revenge, and the curse was my method. I don't do any other kinds of revenges, but the Karmic ones, and they've always worked. All from crashed cars, court cases dropped due to revealed deceite or marriages ended, down to slow and painful deaths. Broken relationships is my top most successful kind of curses, and whenever I curse a relationship it never takes long for them to fail. In one case I cursed a neighbour to move away and two weeks later she was thrown out for cheating on her husband. He eventually recoinciled with her and I got upset and re-cursed her so she'd move properly, and shortly afterwards they put out their house for sale and then they moved away. If all that have happened these years were mere coincidences I'm struck with more coincidences then is statistically likely to happen. 
I've said that I might be like my grandmother, who can see people's futures, but then it's too much and too deliberate when I go into Karmic matters, like when I cursed the neighbour's car, as I was sure he'd shot our son's cat. So I said that if I was right, and my husband wrong, and his new friend indeed shot the boy's cat, then he'd loose what thing he treasures most, like his car, and suffer just as much over the loss as our son has done over his cat. After I put out that curse it didn't took long and he crashed his car and didn't get out insurance to fix it and he was so upset and raged over that stupid car even two years later. I would say such a curse was a little too close to the statistically unlikely to occure by chance, and I have plenty more where that came from. But it was a small curse and this one that I've made now is a big one. I doubt it will ever end and I don't feel now like I want to end it. Perhaps I will change my thoughts about that when I turn really old and have survived them all. When I've seen their enablers one after another reap what they've sown. 

I will keep tracks on who is suffering from the curse by chance only, as Karma likes to tell me eventually, all by her own will, when she's done. She works in mysterious ways, and some times she will do as I truly in my soul willed it to be, while I in words might have said things I did not really want. There is a difference between what you really have as a will, and what you believe you want. If you are angry you say all sorts of things, but sometimes that is not really your true will. I remember many times speaking how I truly wished the farm we lived on to come alive, and some lovely people to tend to it. But when I got angry at the present owners I said I wanted the barn to burn to the ground, the storm to sweap it away, just cause noone would put poison in it again when it was gone. Then it got sold and now it's run by a couple that I really like. I like everything about them, as I see they are real people and the brothers help each other, and their father helps out. It's a family that help each other so they make things work and they are therefore winners. 
When families lie to each other to cheat on each other that family is a family of loosers. My oldest brother and I wish to become a family of winner, who don't lie and cheat, but stick together. I've blessed his family to health and healing. I've put love in their path, and I've send them energy to overcome any hardship. Just like I've sent curses I've always sent blessings to people, and the very first thing I do when I find out people that I've blessed have betrayed me is to retract all my blessings. The next step is to find a purposeful curse to make them walk the path of Karma that will teach them the most. If that is not possible, as they are too corrupted I send them the curse of death upon them, as in death there is the last lessons to be taught. There is always a mirror to see when you die where you will be faced with all you refused to watch when you lived. I will not discuss here to whom I've sent any particular curses at this moment, only that I've had a few made that will manifest in the next years to come and I'm very glad that I'm not on the receiving end of any of them. At the same time I'm protecting myself, as the curses are also ment to punch back all sorts of dark and hateful energy that these liars have been projecting towards me from the first moment when I refused to lie and do as I was told.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry