Your Faery Heaven

This is my sixth blue site and it's like you can read about faeries, but it's also about what we call heaven, and about happiness. That's why this site is filled with merry little fairies and small, cute childangels. I don't think any other kind of pictures could symbolize joy more then pictures of children. It's a very innocent site and there is not much more to tell about it as it's a visual site. There are plenty of graphics of all sorts there I've made during many years working with my websites. This site has evolved from an older site, which I still have a copy of on my Queen site. I redid it totally and moved the old site away, so I will not link to the old one here. If you wish to go to this site, just go here - Your Faery Heaven. All my blue sites are linked up to a green site, and this one I've linked to my youngest daughter's, which I feel is a good choice as she's a sweet, happy young thing. If only she did not have to go to school. I too wish she didn't have to, as it's a terrible thing those schools. However I like our schools far better then many I've heard about and her school is very nice. There is nothing really bad about the school, apart from the wireless internet, which is everywhere in town. I'm glad we don't live in the town, but on the country side.

When I made this site I also thought about all the lost little children, as there are so many who had a child or almost had a child and then lost them. The worst possible thing I could imagine ever would happen is to have a child, and then the beautiful creation is ripped from your arms and you cannot hold them again, not see them grow up, know what they would become, share their lives with them and watch them fall in love, marry even and maybe one day too become a parent. That is the reason your children is so precious and you should guard yourself from pushing away anyone, as you wish to have them with you for as long as you live. It's crazy to think that so many parents actually do that and loose their children on purpose, when others could had given anything to have them still alive. Children are predisposed to care and love their parents so you have to work hard to make them leave you for ever. Sometimes however I think some children can find their parents too much in their teen years, and try to avoid them, and if so I think we should let them, even if it feels very sad and you might even feel deeply hurt and rejected by your child. Remember that it's not about you and sometimes having a very talkative parent who likes to discuss very boring subjects is just not what the young person wants.

I know this is so but it still is very sad that it's how it is. We are different and while some are talkative and very good at standing their ground and tell what they think, others are not. That's when you sit there like a prat and talk to yourself, if you know what I mean. If you have a very silent child you do know what I mean. Perhaps you've read something, heard something and you want to talk about it with someone and see what they think about it, but it's a very bad idea to choose to talk to a very silent teen, who only feel like you are totally ignoring them and totally up in your own world. I know as I've done that about a trillion times, but that's how I am and I don't know how to change. I want to talk, I want to communicate my thoughts and feelings, so to me it's very hard to be with people who are very secretive and refuse to share anything. It almosts angers me, and I don't like to feel that way. I like when feelings are very open and we are connected to each other, but I think that we just don't click so easily with everyone. Some people just don't like us that much. Or perhaps it's just that they don't know what to say or what to do when you are treating them like someone you can talk to about subjects you are interested in. That since they are not interested in those subjects, most likely, and don't want to be rude, while actually not at all interested. 

When people hear about children who have rejected their parents and wont socialize with them I think many believe it's due to silly little matters like the one I just mentioned. The parents are boring and talk about the same shit all the time, so the child can't be bothered as they are selfish and don't appreciate the sacrifices the parents had to make. Something of that order is what I believe such people imagine is the reason why someone would be so cruel to their poor parents. That's the general idea that I saw on TV when I was young and the only reason ever made for people turning their backs on their parents. Eventually I found out about what horrible things that could happen inside families, much worse then I've lived through as a child. I heard that there could be severe physical abuse, where a father would brake his own sons arm. It happened to a friend of mine, and after that his mother left their father. She was pregnant at the time and the daughter that she had didn't see her father until on his death bed. She was a very good friend of mine, the one I loved the most of all my friends, and it was hard to fantome how it must had felt to grow up like that. Their mother had swiftly remarried another guy and had a new baby girl almost immediately. What I know there was no abuse in the new family their mother fixed for them, and I do hope they still care for each other as it was a lovely family. 

The reasons a woman would marry a man that could do such a thing to a child is something that one might ponder upon. She was a very lovely lady and easy to talk to and I liked her alot, so she told me the story about how she'd been swept away by his intense charm and that he'd been the perfect gentleman up till they got married. As soon as that happened everything changed, like flipping a coin. When looking back at her incredible story of this charming and handsome man, that was so cruel and violent, it's clear he was some kind of narcissist or psychopath. She told me many other things, but it all fits. How she fell in love with him, how totally insanely in love she was, and the hurt and shock when he totally changed his personality once they were married. Such people tend to honeymoon you and then use tactics to brake you in and make you more easy to handle. She was a very strong woman with an incredible charisma, so if someone wanted soul energy she was the perfect target. It took two children and a third pregnancy before she left so alot of things must had happened during all that time. In my calculation it took her atleast three years before she had enough of him after he started to do his dr Jekyll and mr Hyde routine, going back and forth with her. Why I mention this is cause this was the first time I heard of anyone harming a child so very brutally as that father did.

Later on I heard that other people also sexually abused children and thinking back I then realized that I might had known such victims and then I understood all the pain I felt from them. At the time it only confused me, as I'm a sensitive and I feel what others around me are feeling. It's like this. I feel their feelings, but I don't really know why they feel it, only that it's there. When I avoid that person I don't feel the pain, so I know it's the other persons pain and not mine. Of course the result might be that people avoid a hurting person, which they actually do. People suffering alot is not easy to be around, when they wont talk about their issues. It's confusing and it's very depressing, so hence many avoid them. I don't blame people that do, but I get very upset and angry with people who try to use and mistreat these people I can feel are in pain. That again is something I've noticed happened. There was this pretty little girl who had a mother who had five children with five different men. She was the oldest daughter of them, and I felt there was some sadness in her. Another thing her girlfriends noticed was that a boy in our class began to harass her. He was also trying to intimidate me, threatenting to punsh my face in, but her he was sexually harassing. It truly upset us all and maybe he felt something under the surface, I don't know. 

What I know that girl killed herself later on in life, but I don't really know. I've known a few doing that and it's not too uncommon, but in my opinion there was a reason for it. There was something wrong with the family they grew up in and it was way worse then I had to put up with. I was not in lethal danger from physical abuse, nore did I have to fear any abuse from nasty guys dating my mother. All in all I had the perfect upbringing on the surface and many envied me so much they even had to make up lies about me to punsh a hole in what they percieved to be my perfect life. However, my life was not perfect and not even particulary wonderful. I was a very lonely child and that was why I played mostly with myself and from that comes my inability to play with others. I've played to long alone and had noone else to talk to. The girl who had no father was my friend awhile, but she had no ability to play the games I wanted to do. She had no imagination and when we played with the dolls she didn't know what the dolls would say, so she forced me to make up everything, including for her dolls. That annoyed me alot as I wanted a playmate who'd do that so the game would be more fun. It was not fun doing it her way as that was like playing on my own. I felt really mean to, not letting her dolls speak her words. 

Perhaps I'm too pushy and made her feel insecure, but that did not add up as I was the whimp of us two. She had loads of friends and she had a winning smile. Everyone seemed to like her and her jokes were hilarious. I had nothing to her and lots of boys adored her, though she was very picky. We did however find suitable partners about at the same time and the guy she ended up with and had children with was with her at my wedding. I think that was very lovely, even if I now hardly remember a thing from that day. To be honest I just think we were very different and despite me thinking we were really good friends she could pick any friend she wanted and I was kind of one of the most dull she knew. I outsmarted her big time at school and most of the things I talked about I'm sure she couldn't care less about. That's how it is with childhood friends, that no matter how much we love them we might not be what they need or want in life. But she and her family did teach me alot and with the thanks of them I found out what was wrong with me in my later teens when I got alot of migrains. My own mother said I did not have migrains and would not help me or listen to me, but my friends mother was a nurse and she knew what she was talking about. Thanks to her I did find something that could ease my pain and help me to cope.

In that way she was my guardian angel and so was that whole family, which is why I've dreamt my whole life that I'm down in their house or outside their house and I want to see them. But they are not there anymore and I can't find them. This dream is always very sad and I realize that I miss them alot, but to them I was just another silly person in their sea of friends. They had alot of friends and I hardly had any, as I'm kind of a nerd and like I said I talk about boring things and I wallow far too long over small details that makes ordinary people quite annoyed. So no wonder I annoy my teenagers! I know I do and I try to avoid them as it's not their job to listen to me going on and on about some YouTube video I saw or some comment I read. I wish however they'd tell me such things, but I do know that you don't in that age. I never spoke to my mother in that age and it took till I was a mother myself and close to 30 before she bothered with me really. I thought that ment that she'd regretted ignoring me most of my upbringing, but I'm not sure that was it. I think it was cause she does not like children, so therefore she ignored most of her children all their upbringing. She however did spoil her second son rotten and she had declared my sister a better human being then me even before she was born. I guess she must be as she's so very like mother. Or atleast in mothers eyes.

As you might had figured out this means that my mother was kind of a typical narcissistic mother who didn't bother with children, and was occupied with avoiding her responsibilies as a mother and a wife. She didn't clean our cloths and alot of the money she got from the state to buy us cloths with she saved up and bought furs for herself with. She didn't make us food and all groceries and meals were always due to our father. She didn't wash the dishes as she insisted that unless father bought us a washing machine she'd never do that, and he refused to buy one. She didn't clean the house more then occasionally whiped the dust from the nice furniture in the better living room, where us children had no access to until we were in our teens. There were alot of things this woman would not do, as it was beneth her. She acted like she was the queen of the castle and father was her servant and right hand who was to do all she demanded. On the surface she didn't look anything but harmless, unless you'd caught one of her evil stares. When she had that evil look in her eyes she scared the crap out of me. I had a nightmare that she was two people living inside of one body, and one was an evil demon. I will never forget that dream. Weird as my best friends family was, her without any real father, she often remarked on how weird mine was.

Lets talk about my gifts above. The two first ones are made using the same tutorial and the third is also totally made from a tutorial. The unicorn gift I took another picture then suggested, but the frame is made with the help of a tutorial. The pretty little angel baby is also from a tutorial, and so is the blond woman with the butterflies. I will stop talking gifts now as I think it's pretty obvious why I've choosen these gifts for this particular site. Fairies and butterflies kind of mix, like spirits of the living earth. I've had a dream about being a fairy once, but that was not too long ago when I was already a very grown up adult. In the dream I could fly, of course, and I flew up and down and around and around, until I by mistake flew into some helicopter wings that clipped my wings right off. So then I had to levitate up to the surface, as that had made me fall into the sea below, and I lifted myself up to the rocks and then I walked inside a hotel and started eating off their fruit bufé. I just knew that I was a fruit fairy and the only times in my life I needed to feed was when I needed to grow new wings. Soon after I'd eaten my fill of the fruit I felt that my new wings came out and I could begin to fly like before. It was an amazing feeling being a fairy and I felt the mischief inside of me. It was nothing malicious atall, but filled with laughter and joy.

It's not easy to describe how the feeling was, but I both wanted to be a little mischievious, and lark around with folks, but at the same time I had this very innocent total love for everyone, like a little child would have who never seen evil in his whole life. There was nothing dark or illwishing in this small person I was, when I was this fairy, but I was all love and joy. In many ways this was how I felt normally when I played around as a child, and then out of the blue other people came along and punished me for made up fairytales. I had only minded my own business, wanted for everyone to have fun and play, and somehow I now and then needed to be spanked on my bare butt according to my mother. That was the only physical punishment I remember from our parents when I was small, and it was far from braking any arms. Also it was done without any signs of anger or any explaination to why it was done. My guess is that it was mothers way of putting a wedge between me and dad as she had him do it. She never did. I also believe she made up a reason to him, so he did it. Otherwise I don't know if I could forgive him, if he hadn't heard a lie and believed it. I think that also explains why he seized to love me after a few years and even began to hate me. Atleast that was what I felt he did, and when he did I started to hate myself.

This is the danger with being a child that you tend to want to love your parents and when they reject you, you feel you are not worth anything any more. Many rejects teenagers as they are not as cute and cuddly anymore, but dad started rejecting me as soon as my baby sister was born. The last summer I felt like he totally still did love me was that summer after she was born. I remember how he taught me to change her dipers and alot of other things. We both loved that baby so much and she was so cute and cuddly it was hard not too. The problem was of course that someone made her believe that she was my responsibility and that's when things went south from there. I believe she in her mind blames me for all things that was not perfect in her upbringing, as she had me by her side up till she was a head taller then me and looked older then me. That's when I moved away from home, even if I kept in contact with her many years to come. It would had been better if she'd had a proper mother and if I could had been free to be a teenager instead of having to act like some half-parent to my sister. It was not like we were a family with ten children, where the mother was too overwhelmed to do all herself. No, our mother was just too lazy and selfish to spend her time being a proper mother to my sister and as soon as she became a teenager she moved in and put toxin into her against me.

That's what I'm sure happened as all of a sudden mother did all sorts of things with my sister. The only time mother travelled anywhere with me was when I turned 20 and I had to be her travelling companion on her trip to the States. First she wanted me to pay for the trip myself, but I think dad helped out and somehow I didn't have to pay for it. I think mother had to pay half and he paid the other half or something. It was all mothers idea to go and she was the one not wanting to go alone, and if you are alone and want to go travel people actually pay others to go with them as "travel companions", so why not? I was only 19 when we flew off and I turned 20 during the trip. There were no party planned, of course, as I've never had a birthday party in my life. Atleast not that I can remember, and I even have memories of me contemplating this issue as a young person, so I think that is correct that I never did. As I remember it only our spoiled brother had birthday parties. I think it should had been my birthday party to go to the States without paying, but it took alot of negotiation before my parents finally came to a conclution. They sure knew how to make you feel special and wanted - not. 

When my sister was only 12 years old mother started taking her on trips. She took her on loads of trips through the years, and I'm sure they never discussed who would pay for her. Not even when she got older, as they were divorcing when she turned 20 and then could fight over who spoiled her the most, like divorcees do. Since she was so much younger I never thought anything about all the trips and travelling she could do with her parents, and mostly her mother. It never entered my mind as I've never questioned anything really, but only noticing it and contemplating over the fate some people have and the fate of others. It's always been a weird fact to me that some people are just born to be admired and more right and precious then others, while some people were born to be ridiculed and talked down to. Many things I started to question in my teen years, but most of the things took my whole adult life to begin to dispute their authenticy of. Now I can't see why one person is right no matter if he's wrong, and another is wrong no matter that all the evidence clearly shows he's right. I just can't ignore this anymore that this is what is going on all over the place and it's so very wrong. Did people lie this much all my life, or has it gotten far worse?

It becomes more and more clear that there is a huge discrepency in humans ability to understand their lives and others communication. The base for a lot of this lack seem to be this very unequality, that the words and sentenses don't get interpreted correctly as there is some hostile filter in people's minds that stops them from truly analyzing the true intent with what is said. At the same time some seem to be highly equiped to uncover the animosity and aggression the more primitive of humans so easily put into their words. Many that do that have a natural leaning towards trying to smooth things over, back away to stop the aggressor from gaining more anger, and by doing that more or less backing away and letting the bully take over. This act is not really done due to cowardness, but a hope to bring peace and understanding. People like this seem to think that the aggressive person only needs to calm down and see sense, so lets not aggrivate him further. They will then also demand that whoever seem to aggrevate this angry person should back away. This is one of the greatest tricks the predator mind has pulled on humanity, as when you tell the rightful person to back away from his rightful claims, so not to annoy the unrightful and very aggressive predator, the predator wins the game. He will not calm down and the end result is always that justice looses.

This happens wherever you see aggression that is out of proportion and someone trying to stand up for their own rights, but gets sidetracked by someone that uses no logic reasoning that makes any sense, lots of unproven accusations, demeaning words about the other. Many are even enchanted by these aggressive people who will swiftly change from honey and smooth talking to others and into a demeaning and aggressive attitude against their target. This makes others, of weaker constitution, immediately prone to lick the shoes of the predators and help them bully and put down their opposers. So all in all there is almost different spieces on this planet, and even inside families. Some have kindness, empathy, low demands, gratitude, a feeling of responsibility to aid others in their wellbeing, while others are only out to get what they want, they need and fuck the rest. On the surface outsiders seem to get easily confused who's who and many seem to believe that the opposite is true about peoples true natures. I've seen this myself so I was not too shocked to find out that predators borrow the coat of the nice and kind little sheep in the flock and uses this one as their scapegoat. Someone to take the fall for all the bad things the wolf under cover actually does.

In a perfect world, where there is truly goodness, kindness and honest caring people you would need to be able to see through all such charades. There would not be any posibility to lie, to deceive, to harm in this very cruel and brutal way. It's this turning of tables, of harming the innocent and glorifying and assisting the true perpetrator, that has caused our world to drift so very far from the heavenly paradise this could have been like. The more evil we let in among us and accept and wont see through, the more death and destruction do we create. Deserts came only a few thousands years ago, so what paradise did we have before the dawn of this era? There is a great posibility we once lived in a paradise and that we through our own naivity let evil in and ever since then our world has been slowly dying. If it's gone too far already or if there is someway to turn things around might be a big question, but so far I've only witnessed the intent to bring on total inhaliation of our present culture and a huge part of the population. You can see this in what they are predictively programming us with through their mediums - their hypnotizists and magicians. What else purpose did you think media had, but to program us into believing and constructing the world those supporting the making of the media has.

There are realms filled with colours so radiant and so vibrant were the air itself seems filled with vitality and love is litterary in the air. It's such joyous places and you laugh and have fun, just like the place were the little fairy lived. And then there are dark and cold places where no colours live at all and all is grey and dull. Even the minds of men are dark and sadness rests in everyones heart. This planet has more and more become this latter kind of place, where so much sadness is encouraged to rule. But this planet was not intended to be such a place so despite the most dark and evil of actions it's like the little fairy of joy seeps through and bring laughter into the hearts of children. It's the spirit of this earth that seeps through and wish her children to re-joyce while they are here alive on her. Earth has given us so much we should be happy about, but nowdays some power is working overtime to shut all that down and the only scare that someone like me could have is that this attempt would succeed. The key to the soloution lies straight in the hands and hearts of mankind themselves, as if they wish to stay on this planet they must live like she wants us to do, or we will not be able to stay here much longer.

When people are cruel and heartless and have no empathy, no love, no care and can do horrible things to their kin without any regret, then these people don't belong here. That's the first message I got, that this kind of person must go as there is no place for such thinking. Only people who care and help out and love each other belongs here. You know who you are by how you react to others and how you wish to help others. When you meet nasty people who lie about others, about you, and are hostile and make stories up to paint others as villains and monsters out of their own foul minds, you know which kind of paranoid people this planet does not want to have here. These people like to murder what is alive, for no particular reason, and they don't look after things so they bloom and thrive, but they let things go if there is no money to gain from keeping it pretty. They only do things to gain themselves and not ever for the purpose of keeping things nice and good for everyone and so it will keep to the future and thrive and grow and build for future generations. These people are only in it for it now, for themselves, and they want the benifits to be reaped while they are alive, and screw the future.

These are the people helping to ravish this planet with wars, weather manipulations and drought and starvation and using horrible methods of mining that cracks the earth, putting radiations in our seas, atmosphere, poluting and destroying everything, on land, in sea and in the air. I could go on and on about what they do just to earn more money. They are horders of money and wealth and they don't care what harm what they are doing to this planet will cause all life living here, only if they can hord a little more. To aid them in this mission they've gathered alot of people who only wish to make a living, while sacrificing their childrens future. It's the shortterm thinking the thick and stupid have, which is a big problem here that this planet is filled with stupid people. Even alot of really nice people are stupid, but somehow nice makes people less stupid. A nasty person might score higher on a IQ test then a nice person, but somehow it's like the niceness add so much intelligence to the mix, that the IQ test not might pick up. There is of course other tests, but the greatest test is if you are a good person or not. Do you lie to gain scraps from your kin or are you an honest person to them and share equally and fair? 

The pure souls and hearts will see that unfairness is not a good thing, while people that have let darkness into them will believe that some should have much more then others, for no reason then them being alive. That's how easy it is to judge who's a good person and who's not. So simple as that. I've made a few more gifts here as you can see and two fairies I used a tutorial to make the green and turquoise frame, just like the little birds on a blooming cherry bransch, and the fountain in the park. All given frames I made using tutorials. The lady on the beach is a tutorial and so is the one above here, though I added the bottom part to write on. The little cute fairy tag below is also a tutorial. There is another thing that lures us here on this world right now, which makes it so hard to actually judge what others truly are. It's that too many has lost their ability to see into anothers heart anymore. That's why the enchanters now has all the power and the honest and caring people are punshed in the face by others, that truly believe they hit the bad guy. It's cause the truly bad guys hide behind these masks, these fake perfect images, and people adore them as if they were wiser, better, more deserving. I think that's why they let us know after some of them have died, that their true nature was vile and cruel, so to make the enchanted wake up and start to watch behind the surface.

Queen Angelica - Fairyaland Poetry

Your Queen Angelica

After finishing up a little clean up of my websites and adding some new gifts here and there I came up with the great idea to make a blog about each site. Which will take for ever. I haven't even made all the videos I had planned yet. That is me, always on a new idea before finishing of old ones. This is my site about myself really, so don't expect to find much as I don't like to be seen. I have some private stuff here, if you look for it, but most of it is very old - ancient even. I've neglected all my sites and all my graphics work immensely for a very very long time. I had so much plans, but life came between. I had hoped that all the affairs that bothered me, with lawyers and stuff, would be long time over by now, but it just keeps dragging out. I've written a few blogs about those matters here and I have also made a couple of fun videos in swedish I'm so amuzed by. I was very naughty and read my counterparts letters to the court, immitating them. Well, I actually made fun of how they sound in my head. It's very well deserved as I've done nothing wrong by them, so why did they start to pick a fight with me? 

Guess nasty people are like that - they frame you, lie about you and then you are ment to feel shame for standing up for yourself and the truth and you are most certainly not allowed to make fun of them. Those videos are private, but anyone having the link might see them. One of these days I make a blog about them and show them to the world. It's cause I so much love how I sound when doing the immitations. They always makes me laugh. I wish I could had made them fun in english too, but my skills in immitating nasty people are somewhat limited to my native language. In this blog however I will only share my gifts from my Queen page - Your Queen Angelica. It's also my wish I had wings site, as I so wish I did and could fly. I do dream I can fly now and then, but not as often as I used to. It's not such a thrill as it used to be and my fellow dream people do not seem as impressed by my skills in it as they used to be. Think I've shown off a little too often. I rarely meet any others who knows how to fly when I dream those dreams. It's like I want to prove I can be free and that nobody can hold me back, when I have such dreams.

When I first did this website it looked somewhat different, but not that much. I intended it to be the first of many fantasy sites and wanted to invite those into such things to all my sites. I put together a group I called Fairyland Poetry and hoped some would join. For awhile I did have some members. I like to call the members fairies, but not that they are gay or anything, as I don't ask about that, but since it's a fun little fantasy figure that belongs - of course - in Fairyland. My oldest daughter was an active little fairy for awhile and she made lovely graphics and poems for the group, but then she quite and I somewhat blame myself for it, as I got so angry on a nasty woman who accused me of cheating after my daughter won a contest in the group. The poll was on Yahoo and I have no idea how to fake it, but she said I had as she was mad as hell she didn't win. She'd made one graphics and then changed colours on it a few times and pretended they were several different graphics. It was all the same. It's dead simple to change all the colours like that. I've done it tons of times myself, but never have I claimed they where different graphics.

My daughter had made loads of wonderful own stuff, she'd made up all by herself. I was very proud of her so of course I voted for her, and so did my oldtime fairy member, who also was a very nice woman from southern Sweden. It was such a horrible thing to see how a grown up american woman could behave in such a veil and sick way to a child and I totally got super angry on her. My daughter is very sensitive and she does not like to be a problem and that is why I regret that I let her know how horrible that woman behaved. Now I am pretty sure she was just another nasty narcissist. They tend to aim for the kind and caring, in some kind of hit and run game, where they try to insult and shame a person as much as possible with as little input they can. It's like it's a game for them. One thing I've noticed with these really nasty ones is that they are not very talented, but likes to cheat to look really good. Some of the best and most talented women I know out there have been lied about by these kind of envious women. I didn't quite having my group though and I don't remember what I did with the nasty fairy, but she was gone and I got a new member. My old time member left, sadly, due to personal reasons unknown to me now, though I think she told me back then, but that is very long ago now.

I was very sad to see her go as she was the very bestest and most talented fairy I'd had. I did get another fairy from the north, but this time from Norway, and I so loved her. But then a friend of hers wanted to join and she seemed very good at graphics and all was well until I sent out warnings about the swine flue vaccine and all hell broke loose. The new fairy got totally mad over the insult of me warning for this. According to her the emergency room was swarming with leathally ill victims and everyone needed to get their shots. I had heard nothing about full emergency rooms and the only sick people I'd met where those who'd taken the vaccine. Her friend, the first norwegian fairy, left in rage over how rude I was who would not ask for forgiveness and make redemptions for sending out such horrible lies. And then her friend, the one who created the drama, stuck around and ruined totally my group. She just stayed there, but didn't contribute and it felt horrible to send in things I found interesting, as she was policing my group and sending negativity. In the end I decided to warn her that she would be deleted if she did not participate and when she didn't reply I remember I did kick her out. What a relief!

That was back in 2009 of course, and then we all know what happened after a few years. Big headlines all over the place - the swine flue vaccine was dangerous. It caused severe cronich illness that made many victims suddenly fall asleep. Their lives where a mess. I am still waiting for my two norwegian fairies to send me an excuse, an apology for shaming me for caring for them and their families. Not a word so far. I think it must be 2 or 3 years since that news brake and yet none of them seem a bit bothered about how they treated me. I guess that's the pathology of this world, that people are unfairly rude to those trying to help them and then cannot own up to the errors of their way when shit hits the fan and they are proven right, those who tried to warn them. It's like the saying goes - don't shoot the messanger. And the messanger is an angel, as that is what an angel is - a messanger of the creator. The creator makes many angels. Every corner is an angel, every turn, every piece of this construct we call reality is actually an angel. And they all have something to tell us, a message. So of course I want to tell my fairies something too, and not just be an empty shell of shallowness, like we are led to believe is the "good" way to be. Having content, thinking for yourself and finding out things are "bad", but that is just the lies of the psychopathic mind that has taken over the control right now. 

Today I haven't had an active member for years in my beautiful Fairyland group. I don't even try to invite any and I don't hope I will ever have any again. Everyone seems to be stuck on FACEBOOK or whatever. I don't know what people do anymore, but my guess it's not graphics and creative work as much as it used to be. Many only use their mobile phones on the net and post little comments and mails. Looking on stuff and more or less being kind of passive about it as they are more and more acting like we do in front of the tele, make comments about the stuff shown, but not putting in any effort to actually go out and create anything themselves. That is why I like YouTube, as it's possible to be a bit creative there, but many just shove their mobile phone in their faces and start talking nonsens. If they are good bullshitters they might get a little crowd that follows them, even if what they say are things I've figured out many years ago. They look like they know something and people will listen to them, but many times their message is the same old we've heard hundreds of times, and loads of propaganda are repeated like truth. Stuff that's been proven wrong for ages. But if you have the right tech it's easy today to become your own little news channel on YouTube.

I have of course lots of channels aswell, but I rarely make any videos. I'm in the process of doing one video for every webpage I have though. So far I'm a little less then half way through. It's the same with my videos as it is with my blogs and my websites and groups, I rarely have anyone coming by. But now and then it happens and I get a friendly comment. That is very special to me, as I know everyone is busy with their own lives and I'm not exactly out there looking at stuff that much myself. Never been. To have a successful group you need to promote the hell out of it. You have to be very charming and make people love you and help you to promote your group for free on their spare time. I have no idea how to make people do such things for me. And I don't even think I want to know. Why should I want others to suck up to me and do everything I tell them to do, like they were my dogs? People should be people and not licking my foot when I kick them in their face. So I would never succeed at that. I guess there are some nice group leaders too, who's kind and loving and hence having a few dear friends in their groups. I've met a few who seemed to be that way, but I ran away as I didn't want to find out I was wrong!

Eventually I think all belonging to some kind of group, with lots of rules and the whims of some neurotic leader will not succeed. It's not even possible to succeed. I'd rather have it like the group is a home and you come and visit there now and then, but the home owner, the leader, treats you like an honorable guest while you are there. You can come and go as you please, but if you are rude and insults the host and their family you might be kicked out never to return. That is how I'd like groups to be like, instead of the dictaroship with bullying leaders and snitching fellow members. There are so much narcissism going on in those groups it's awful. There are double standards, different set of rules, if you are one member or another. If you are a low life foreigner - that is someone who's not born or raised in the US, mind you - you most likely will have no favors. You can kiss ass day long, but you will not come inside for real. It's often a group of old time friends who's the base of the group and they are keeping the door closed for all newcomers. Then one day they start to bicker, like hags do, and the house of cards comes tumbling down. That was atleast how I saw it time and time again back in the days when these groups were quite common.

That was before the depression and everything in the states fell apart, it seems like. It was when they thought they were special and blessed, when they thought they had special favors granted by God. Then they went against the creator and started a killing sprea all over the eastern countries, one after another. It was started by the satanists of the world and arrogant, weak minded people let themselves get lulled into the belief that murder is good, killing and maiming of babies and children are actually needed for the greater good. There are no such thing as the greater good. There is no safety to be gained from raping, murders and ruining the life work by thousands and thousands of good, honest people in the world. That is the deceptions of the deciever, which is the one satanists worship. It was my total let down by groups claiming to be compassionate, angels, caring and good, in these basic morals that made me give up hope on all these phony groups from over the pond. And I couldn't find any groups here either that cared. Everything needs to be so very shallow, so pointless, so dumb, if it's supposed to survive or exist in this world. So I created my own groups for fairies and angels and every fantasy creature out there. A fairyland that actually cares about honor and morals.

Not that I have been promoting anything special in my group, cause what I've done is more sharing of information. Very different information, but still valid and interesting many times. I have shared many books and alot about history. All through modern history, starting back in Sumer, we've had the same shit going on. We've had the wars, the famines, the banksters robbing the people, again and again. That is the reason humans keep forbidding interest, it's cause it devestates whole nations and kills the economy and then of course the people. It stops the manurfacturing and the farming and people have no food to eat and no money. And when everyone starts to die the kings have again and again had to kill all the money lenders and taken back all the wealth from the very few rich that are sitting in their huge palaces with all their gold, while everyone else is dying. How many times did this happen only in the era of Sumer - 2 times? Or was it 3 times? It's like a death cycle and we just go round and round. It's so very true that those who do not learn from history are bound to repeat it. So one of the most important subjects I like to post about is history. But all the time it's been psychopaths. Cause those wanting to earn interest from others are always of a psychopathic mind. It's a leathal system and it kills everything. That's why.

One problem I've had with my group is of course the very fact that women seem to like to play dumb and refuse to learn anything. And I've only had female members. Guess it feels just not right for a man to be called a fairy. Unless he is of course. When in a group with men I can feel there is alot of showing off who's the smartest and who can think the brightest. Not always, but very often. Those who are too dumb to think, but like to pretend they are smart, will try and belittle those who are great thinkers. It's the same with men as with women in that way. But in groups with women it's much rarer that they try and impress with their insights and thoughts. Actually most women like to act like they are kind of stupid and then there normally is one with a huge ego who likes to order all the hens around. That one is normally one nasty control freak. All the rest of the women seem scared to offend her and suck up to her. It might just be my small experience, but I've seen it a few times. Those ego driven women will not accept the rules of another persons group, just like they will come into your home and act like they own it. I've seen that too, in real life. Very rude.

Another thing that is big in my group is the ancestry. We all have them and it's very fun to find out who they were. I wish all those records, for everyone, was available, but it's almost always ending very early when we go back in our own history. Some years ago my younger sister and her husband created a family tree and I was so very excited. I wanted to help out and was kind of over bearing so I was told she had enough help from others. Guess she ment from people who matter in her life, right? Well, that was what I heard. I was very sad as I had actually thought I'd found something that both of us liked as when I worked for the church it was one of my favorite duties to help out with ancestry research. But when I did try and help her I found out alot about possible ancestors. That is if my sister has been truthful about what she's found out or if she lied about that too, as she lies to everyone about me right now. I've blogged alot about that lie. You know the lie that I was not shown a paper and then she believes that the reason it's missing is cause I've stolen it. Which does not make sense to a thinking human, as if I had stolen it I must have seen it or was I closing my eyes when I stole it? I don't know, but that sounds like pathological reasoning to me, so if she can lie about a stupid thing like that I guess she can lie about anything.

As she claimed an ancestor was a king on Ireland back long time ago, I looked up the anals of the kings there and where the family line of those kings came from. It turned out that way back many hundreds of years ago they came there from another place. According to the anals it was the king of Spains family who came to Ireland and conquered it. The king was dead at that time, but he was also a prince of Scythia, a huge kingdom far away in the east, which thousands years later became the Kazarh kingdom, from where most jews now decend from. No wonder people are compairing ancient Ireland to the origin of that belief system - it's all connected in a very interconnnected web. The queen however they consider to be a daughter to a great faraoh. Many scholars think it might have been the one we call Akenaton, who's wife was Nefertite. Her ancestors in their turn came from Sumer. It was all so thrilling and I found out so much, but my sister was not the slightest interested. She said there were nothing to go on in that research, like what she'd come up with was any more reliable. I doubt it was, so just as it might had been errors in the kings anals of Ireland it might had been an error to start with that we had ancestors who were kings of Tara in Ireland!

According to the research she had accepted, since it had nothing to do with me perhaps, our ancestors were ruling for many hundred years a part of Ireland that was of particular interest to me. They were kings there for 700 years and in their realm lay the place called Tipperary. I could just not believe it as when I was a child I was like totally obsessed with that little song. Like it was connected to me somehow. My oldest daughter always felt very drawn to Ireland and she was so thrilled to hear that our ancestors might had walked that land many hundreds years ago. Then when I saw that they too had ruled further north even longer back, and ruled from Tara, it was awesome as I have that poem on my main site. I felt it was just me when I saw that poem. There is just something there that feels like some kind of vague genetic memory so perhaps she did get it right. But I still think that if she got that right then my research too must be right, as I had with a strong gut feeling of connection, feeling like a family bond, downloaded photos of the mumies of Nefertitis grandparents from Sumer. I thought of them as grandpa and grandma long before I found out the possible genetic bond. Father did also write a book about Sumer, and was very interested in finding out more about that place in the ancient time. 

A topic he was specially interested in was why Sumer disappeared. I tried to discuss it with him but he felt like all I said was stupid and would not hear a word I said. There are a few theories you know. One is that a comet hit that area, as there is a huge crater from that time period, and following that a great plague hit there, which I've heard is very common after a hit. Something seem to tag along with those heavenly bodies and when they make landfall they infect the land with some new diseace. The plague that killed almost everone in the latter days of Sumer is said to be the same plague that later on hit Europe and killed half of the population, if not more. The black plague. There were another plague in between that hit the Roman Empire really hard, but I don't know if that was of the same strand as these other two. But what happened was that people of Sumer considered it to be the royal families fault that the plague came. That they were not graced by the gods anymore, so they had to leave and taking everyone belonging to them with them. Those left behind was hence not of the same family or group of people as the ruling elite and Sumer was no more. That is one story I've connected myself from things I've heard, but I could not even come to the comet part. You need to learn to listen if you want to hear.

Other topics in my group are of course fairytales and poetry and like I mentioned before graphics. I have many poems on my different sites and on this one particularly. At the start I focused more on these things then I do today, as I kind of find poetry boring nowdays. A poem must be something that comes from the depth or your soul to express itself and many poems are just pretty and will not speak to any deep part at all of me. Just like my fathers disbelief in my intellectual capabilitites I've come to see that none in my family believes I have any ability to write anything either. When I say none, remember, I'm talking about most of them, though I do know there are a few special ones who are not as easily fooled as most of them was. Once, a long time ago, when I was mearly 20 years old I spoke to my father and he actually managed to listen for once. He was stunned and said with shock in his voice "well, you are actually intelligent". I have never forgotten that as my question always been "who said I wasn't?" as someone must have made him believe I was not. That person I think very well is the one in our family who thought himself being a genius. He used to mock his older brother and me and pretending to our parents we were so very dumb.

What he did, and which I now so clearly has re-remembered, is that he put words in our mouths we had not said. He would argue us on points we had not made and by that making us look foolish, as the parent would assume we had said those ridicilous things he said we had. That is how I think my father was led to believe that I was stupid and therefore would not listen to me. When he got older this selfproclaimed genius kept close contact with father so no wonder he eventually forgot his discovery long time ago - that I was in fact intelligent. He also got stupid ideas that I was not of any interest and would question me why someone else would want to meet me or see me. Like it was totally unimaginable to think that some human being would find me the slightest interesting. The way he said it back in 2003 made me understand where I had gotten that notion from in my 20's - that I was of no interest and that I needed to take the interesting brother with me to go and visit a distant male relative of ours. Wow, how disappointed he was when I came with my boring brother. He only wanted to see me, alone. Now I see how stupid I was in one matter - my own self worth. I was a young and beautiful girl, of course an older gentleman would like to see me, rather then my selfcentered brother.

I was still a pretty fair looking lassie back in 2003 too, so why would an elderly sweet man not want to see me? I was in a shock for quite some time after my father had asked me that question in truthful disbelief over the fact that I had been asked to visit this gentleman for so many decades and then finally dared to. I am so happy I did atlast, as soon after he left this earth. Before he was all gone I met him in my half sleep, where he told me the story of this beautiful young man named Daniel and how his life was. As I watched this presentation and admired how handsome and sweet the boy looked I woke up in amazement realizing it was my friend Daniel who had come to see me and let me see how young and beautiful he really was. The old mans body was just at the end, but he was also young. Daniel had said that I was his twin soul and that he'd only felt like that with one other person and that person was someone who'd made my childhood bareable. She had made Daniels childhood bareable too. We were interconnected. This lady was my grandfathers sister and she was the bestest of friends to my grandmother. 

I wish I'd not been raised with such fear of hurt and pain, that makes me shun love in any form it comes. I wish I had been a better friend to Daniel and to all others who actually cared for me and loved me. Whenever someone did I would not believe them, cause I am not worthy to be loved. Who had tricked my father into thinking that about me? Cause I remember him loving me once, feeling I was his special little girl. So who was so foul and envious they had to make him look down upon me and recent me? I think it was the same person who tricked him into beating me up ever so often when I was a small child. That was when my belief I could ever possibly be worthy of love slowly was beaten out of me. Slap by slap. He hit me as hard as he dared to until mother would tell him it was enough. While they were doing that I used to stand far away and watch. I didn't like to stay in that childs body and feel those slaps, so I would stand a little distance. It was not really me then and I could comfort myself so much better, as that was not really me.

Another thing that Daniel told me was that if he could he would adopt me, but then I was already over 40. Thinking back on my upbringing and everything I think I would had loved to live with him and his sweet wife and their five children. I would had been their baby sister and they'd all love me so very much and I would had known that I was worthy of love and not been raised to fear it as it hurts so bad. I don't have any problems with loving, I only have serious problems with believing anyone else could possibly love me. And as you saw, my dad had the same issues with me - that I was unloveable. You can see all those memories on my page if you search for them, just like I said above. There are some secret little corners with treasures on that site. The gifts I have shown here are all from that site and made by me. Some are made from tutorials, actually most are. The first one I made the frame for myself and then there is a couple that are mixed with graphics I made with a tutorial and my own creations. The defiance one is like that and it should really be a tagg and not framed like I've made it. The frame is from another graphic I've done too, so not original to the defiant girl.

There is also one other theme on that page which is extremly dark and that is to do with death. As angels also are associated with and they are said to come and get us when we die. If you ask me they are working for the matrix, the program we live in, and when we die they take us to a place where our souls are re-cycled and when good for go we get another body. It's just that it's not home, but it's a nice enough place for those who like to live again. As I said, you will be born again from that place. The reason for that darkness is cause the flying is what the soul does when it leaves, that is when we finally get to fly. There is this death wish I'd carried ever since my early teens as things got too hard, too cold and too little love. I wanted to go back home to source, from hence I came. I didn't want a new body, no new life, I wanted out of this hell hole. The name Angelica was also the name I had choosen for my last child, if a girl, but I had a spontaneous abortion and lost the baby. It was due to severe anemia it turned out six years later when I almost got to die and go home. But I survived and I got well, but does those who did not care when I was a child care I was still alive? Of course not. But I do.  

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

What are jihns, demons, fairies really?

Sounds like a pretty wacko thing to ask, but the deeper one goes into the ancient knowledge the less wacko it seems. In pagan culture there were the fairies. Have you ever spotted their orbs in the corner of the eye you know those tales are not made up. There really are orbs and on a rare occation you may see one hastily float through the air and disappear behind a tree. When I did I thought I must have looked at a light recently and that's what I saw. But then I remembered the orb had passed behind the trees. A reflextion in the eye would had passed infront of the tree, and I could not even remember what light I possibly could have seen as I'd just came out of the dark cellar in the evening. Still it could have been an hallucination, if there is such a thing. What if hallucinations really are glimses into another dimension? That truly messes things up, does it not?

Demons is what we have come into contact with through the catholic church mostly and their mythology. What they are seems really to be the same as the arabic jihns and the jihns are described as bluish beings. Many fairies have very strong blue colours and I think specially on one such image of a blue fairy that looked particulary mischievous. It stuck in my mind and when I read about the jihns and the description of them that image popped up. What was particular about that was that it was the "tag" of a member in a group I had been part in many years before and I had saved her tag as a memory. I didn't know who she was, but I always saved things back then from visitors signing my guestbooks. I liked the tag and the name on it stuck in my mind. It was significant in some way. The name was "Dereth". By now I have deleted that tag long ago, but I have kept a beautiful birthday gift from a lady with the same bluish fairy on. Still I never forgot on who's tag I first spotted the little one.

Last summer I was asked to re-join a PSP-group I had left in May 2006. At that time it was a big group but when I was contacted it was very small. The reason for that could be that no newbeginners got accepted anymore and all old members had left for reasons unknown by me. According to the leader many of them had been given the booty for "not behaving". I know alot of people join groups and then wont participate as the rules say they should, so I thought not much about it. I did wonder over the claim that they'd had to expell members for trying to take over the group. That was such a subjective term it caught my attention. So when re-joining I admitted I was not particulary good at behaving so I was doubtful I'd could cope. Still I promised to give it a try and if it didn't work I just could leave and we'll still be friends, since I'd told my doubts in advance. But this didn't happen. So here comes the jihn in. Far fetched for some, but according to some sources they are spirits that possess people that are easily possessed. I've even been told by people they feel like they have a demon attached to them. People I feel an odd energy around.

So what is this "spirit"? Why are they possessing people? And how does it affect the person that are having one in the house or even worse, inside their own self? One thing I think can happen is that the person does things he/she can't remember afterwards. Like when we are very drunk it's said we are easy to possess. Perhaps that is why many religions forbid drinking? To the knowledgeable there is spirits all around us - all the time. But only a few are mischievous, I'm sure. Cause all of this is my thoughts only about this, and not copied from any books. I've read and listened to what others say and believe and wondered and you might think this is all nuts. That is your right to think as it's mine to have thoughts on this subject. If you feel a need to say insulting things to me due to my thoughts, you perhaps have a little demon whispering this need into your ear. Cause really, what is it to anyone else if I have thoughts about anything? Who wants to create sorrow and pain in this world by hurting others?

In the childs book Monsters Ink the monster is blue and is living out of the childrens fear. Which again makes me think about the jihn. So like these monsters the jihns and demons are living on our feelings. Some are living of love, and they try to create love around themselves. Others, like in Monsters Ink, tries to create fear. But there are plenty of other variations of feelings, even if these are the two main ones. Frustration, heartache, loneliness, hopelessness are examples of feelings close to fear. So the little blue jihn whispers into the person it's stuck to things of malice to make the person do things that will create some of these fearful feelings in its victimes. That is a theme even in Xena, where there were those three spirits - some greek ones I've forgotten the name of now as there are so many names in every culture on them. They are in many parts of the serie and they are creating alot of havoc and hurts. They even manage to screw with the mind of the mighty war god Ares.

In the nordic myths we have a half god that is kind of acting out the achetypical devil behaviour. The demons are supposed to belong to the devil in the bibel religions. Among the Asirs this half god is called Loki. That he's having several personalities is impossible to miss when one reads the stories. He's the blood brother to the highest god Odin, but he still betrays him and lures someone else to kill Odins favourite son Balder. That is like the worst thing you can do - having your best friends own beloved family member killed. But that Loki decieves and lies. At the very same time he's one of the most pleasant of all the gods of Asgard. He's funny, witty and friendly to everyone. Everyone more or less likes him and only very few distrust him, but none dares to say so as he's the blood brother of Odin. But after the murder the feelings start to change, cause something is not right. I've wondered why he had Balder killed and I think it's cause he was so very popular. He was Odins pet.

When I re-joined the PSP-group I kind of felt I was the pet of the owner to begin with. She even wrote me privately and complemented me for following her rules so very well (which was extraordinair to me since I am very forgetful) and she complained the others would not listen to her - specially one member called Malena she needed to be extra strickt with. I kind of felt sorry for her, as she obviously almost licked the owners feet to please her. Apparently after I had left the group back in 2006 and the group shrunk this old woman Malena was the only one the owner had taken on as a new pupil. Well, there might have been a few more after I left, but eventually her crowd of pupils shrunk to this woman only. And she did private tutering with her. So back to the Loki and Balder incident we go. To me it became clear that I was the archetype of Balder, the shining bright young quick learner with always a jolly smile and not a care in the world. While Malena was soon playing the role of Loki, the growingly envious best friend of Odin (= the leader Norma). What a drama play that turned out as things evolved!

Now I really should sum this up before proceeding. You might wonder - who was this "Dereth" I mentioned at the beginning? Well, when Malena had presented her full name to me it turned out SHE was this "Dereth". It was a second name and second personality on the net. And her guestbook had the same little blue jihn as her old tag had - the one I had saved so many years ago and still remembered. I re-joined the group just as it was Malena's birthday and that was how I found out she was the blue fairy. Of the three members of the group she was the only one making any effort to get to know me. She was very kind and helpful and I decieded to trust her, even if Norma had told me it was Malena that had caused her to loose an old girlfriend. Norma put all the blame on the old friend of hers and not any on Malena, her new friend.

All these women are as old as my parents and knowing how they are I didn't wonder over their little dramas. Out of the blue I then are told by Malena that Norma is upset with me. About the same time she must have informed Norma that I was upset with her. I'm sure now that this was just the energy of the jihn in action. Or in the nordic tradition she manifested the Loki character by acting both as a dear friend to us both, while at the same time planting thoughtforms into our minds that then became our realities. Only that in my reality it was Norma that was displeased with my lousy tutorials and in Norma's mind it was me displeased with her way of running things.

The end result of this Loki energy is anger, distrust and confusion. All nice fear-related energies any jihn can live on happily for quite awhile. At least according to the myths of the jihns, demons or nasty fairies. On the other hand there are supposingly many spirits of a good nature too. Or as in a dream I had where I was a love-fairy. My food was just joy and love in general and that was what I tried to make people I came in contact with feel. Only when I lost my wings in a flying accident I needed solid food to grow out new ones and that food was fruit. It was a lovely dream, which I was awaken from before it was over. Hopefully I'll dream it another time. Perhaps we are in our essence just that, fairies, jihns, demons, angels, spirits, when we are not in solid form. What do I know. All of this is just a jotapox of memories, thoughts and hypothesies I could never prove in any way. Totally unscientific and therefore useless and unimportant to all the Saturn-people ruling our world today. If you don't know your planetary achetypes that wont mean a thing to you so perhaps I'll mention those too another time. In this story Norma is the typical Saturn-type; ruling, obedience, timelines and control. Actually the whole situation in the group was Saturn-laden and I don't do Saturn very well, which is the energy that is old and moving out now. Some wish to still put their energy into keeping it around a little longer and by that pre-longing the birth-aches of the new age arriving.

Of course Saturn is equalled with Satan and is therefore the ruler of our 3D world, the liniar timeline existence. Don't ask me how another world could be possible, but perhaps it's like the way I do things, which is by inspiration more then duty to have things done a specific date. By doing things only due to inspiration you might have it done sooner, or you might have it done later then by a fixed date, but either way it will be more joyous to do and perhaps even better done. The Jupiter energy is the expansion and growth energy, and it's one of two bright "stars" on the sky that has been credited for being Lucifer. The other one is Venus that has the creative love-power that manifests so much beauty and new things all the time. As it moves in closer it makes the spiritual water rise and the feminine energy stronger. Saturn is the strongholder of the rigid masculine powers that now are slowly dying, just as our old cat have been dying all the time from this summer until today, the first day of 2010 when he finally took his last breath and went to cat heaven to meet his mother, sister and daughter whom he all loved and missed.

If you are looking for a punch-line in all this you are looking in vane. I only wanted to put down a few of my thoughts about those silly little jihns and how they work. That I had that picture, the tag, for so many years and now finally know who that "Dereth" was and that she now are acting out a typical jihn behaviour was just too bizarr. A couple of days ago she found my updated graphics-page where I'd changed my tribute to the PSP-group to a warning and she freaked out. Mostly - or rather only - cause I'd compared her behaviour to the archetype of Loki. That might have sounded like a really nasty thing to do, but when compaired to her pages saluting the mass-slaughter in Iraq it was nothing. Having ones conduct compaired to the god of lies and manipulations is a silly thing while children are ripped apart and born deformed, which I described at the same place as I mentioned Loki. But she only cared about being compaired to the god of mischief, which her reply in my guestbook showed since she copied the exact words I'd used and then added some much worse on me to get back to me properly. She's of course entitled to think what she wants about me, but nothing I wrote was a lie, since I only wrote what I knew and what I thought was going on in a more multidimensional way.

To prove I was right in my hunch what was going on I yesterday found out someone was writing lies about me to people I knew. Total lies. Which is what I had thought was going on when accused by the leader Norma of being upset with her. I'd never said anything of the kind. In the mail she thought I'd said that I said the very opposite, which is a great skill of the Loki character to make people see the opposite of what is really there. Of course I realized pretty soon Malena had told Norma I was upset with her, just as Malena had told me in a private mail that Norma was upset with me. If you hear that, you get a bit upset, since you don't want friends being upset with you. How clever isn't that to make people get upset with each other just by claiming they are! And how typical women today to do that. That has nothing to do with the female energy by the way, as women today have lost their femininity. Many mysticks claim there are few really feminine women today and to save this planet we need to find our feminine energy again. That is our Venus-energy, our love-energy and the creative source. The more beauty we can manifest and the more love we radiate, the more I guess we'll become feminine.

I think I've rounded things up now and left not too many loose threads hanging. Well, perhaps I should tell what silly lies more exactly someone now seems to be spreading. It was that I put up a persons name and email-address on my site, which I have no idea why I was supposed to have done, since I have no reason to do such a stupid thing. That upset that person so much she wrote an angry email to me just as we were off to see the new years fireworks. Actually it chocked me so much I got delayed by replying to her and we came too late. My daughter got too late to pick up her friend and we all missed the start of the fireworks. So if that was the PSP-groups new trick to get back to me for being so upset with Norma, as Malena claims I am, they succeeded. They managed to make a few children late for their fireworks. Good job old crows - picking on children. If not replying I'd leave the computer after reading what I hoped was another nice mail and had put on my clothes instead of sitting in chock over such nastyness. Why lie to another person about such a thing? Why upset an old woman someone for no reason was hanging her out on a website? What twisted mind can even make up such a thing just to sow sorrow? Well, someone with a pretty mischievous jihn would attached to her.

Go and watch Xena and you'll know what I mean. They portray this kind of spirits very well there. If this is aspects of humans without a body or something else, I have no clue, but possessions are real and verified from many sources. Including someone I used to know who was an exorcist in his later days. Too many truly knowledgable and wise people have spoke about this, too many ancient texts have to just toss it away as nonsens. The saying the greatest trick the devil ever pulled is convincing everyone he didn't exist comes to mind, though I don't believe he exists in the flesh but as a spirit energy we all help to feed and manifest with our own spirits and by hosting negative spirits and helping them do harm to others. Wars, famine and all kinds of hostility and injustices are like candy to these energies and everyone feeding into it and helping it along prolongs this era of pain and hurt. Hopefully the numbers of souls that wish to have another kind of energy are growing, but I have no knowledge if that is the case. To me it seems we all are creating our own enimies and starting our own wars with ease. And not even me are spared even when trying to avoid all negative social contact. It'll come to me all the same and manifest just to mess with me.

If you have read all this and don't understand it don't bother to comment. If you have read it and think you have understood it, but think I am a deranged lunatic, like Malena obviously does, don't bother to comment either. If you have your own thoughts about jihns and such things you can comment and I'll add it here. If you are upset that I write my opinions you can keep those thoughts to yourself as this is my blog and not yours. Like my site is mine and I say what I want there - and I'm no angel. I'm a spirit having a human experience and sometimes not liking atall what kind of other spirits having a human experience I see. Would be nice to see more from my parts of the multidimensional universe being here in my blog and site, but they are either found on their blogs and sites or in real life at home with my family.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry