Come Alive

Started listening to Lisa and the beginning is so connecting with me! I've experienced the same, we were all so tired, so ill, just as they say. I need to get shit into balance, order, get my house prepared, but there is too much buzz, too much interruptions, disturbances, nonsens. Too much of what OTHERS want, and too little of what I need to be to feel fine. It's like I want things to go QUIET - to SHUT UP - so I can get a grip of all that is. I believe it's all this shit hitting us all day long. The frequensies, that information overload. I have things I really care about, and I've had to put all that on hold as others are taking MY TIME away from me. Then the guilttripping. Always the guilting, always making ME feel bad for being REAL. No, I am allowed to be me and to be respected, and everyone arguing with THAT is not looking after what is best for ME. My life is about ME, and about what I am here to do, what I feel I need to do, what makes ME feel content, and as if I am achieving MY GOALS. I feel content when I have beauty around me, and when my children and family is feeling good and I can know they are going forward with their lives, as THEY WANT things to be. I feel content when I can create all of that, both physical beauty, graphics and joy in others. Just knowing others are happy and looking forward. 

I want all I love to live on the country side, with land they can use to grow things on, and those who yet can't do that, for them to still be in environments which means they can achieve this in the future. Like going to university, taking a course, so they can make a living and fullfilling this goal. I don't want people I love to end up in crowded towns, without nature and the closeness to the Earth. If they do they might loose their connection to the planet, and she does NOT want people like that, as to her that is like malignant bacteria, people who are not in harmony with her. You need to sit on her, to feel her, to smell her and to be really into her to become in harmony with her. So no wonder people are getting crazy! They've lost this connection with what matters. You need to live so your world will NOT crumble if there is no computers, no mobiles, no teve, no phones, no radio, no cars, nothing of what we are used to. When you can live without all that and STILL have a purpose that fullfills you, then you are in harmony with Earth. Atleast it's highly probably you are. At that time you will not embellish others statements and act insulted for others needs, but you will pay attention and respect their words and their true intent. That is to be balanced and in harmony. 

So now I will continue listening and I'm grateful I finally have gotten better, after I did start to take steps to confront some of my fears. One of them being to defend my own creations, and my own intent with having these creations. In the end I will have to make a final solution as it still is not working as I wanted to, as I am still not listened to and recognized. When that is in your own creations, your own safe havens, they don't work anymore and are not mine and are not safe, so I might have to loose them, though I really don't want to, but I have to realize that I'm not at all deciding this at this moment, and whatever I do some people will get upset with me for not letting them control me. And it's not healthy to let others control you or define you and shame you for caring for your own creations and manifestations. But unfortunately this is how this world works today and too many don't give a crap for others work and creations. They are embellishing their own, or their admired friends, but when you see that they truly don't really see what you are about, but only imagining they do, it's futile to fight anymore. Some times you need to cut your losses, and move on, as shit gets too bad and you have not the power to set stuff right. The resistance is too big, the willingness to see is too small, so the energy you still have will be lost in a meaningless struggle to convince another about your true needs. 

When all instead is about the other, it's useless, and this is the world we are living in today, that alot of us need to stop letting ourselves be controlled by those who think they know better. It's a long journey to come to that place that you see that all who tries to use you and control you and think they own you are all gone from your life. Left should be people who let you be you, who will never tread on your creations, and who will not take you for granted when you are caring and helpful, but who see that this is what is. Users will forget your help once it's over. They will also use you for their own goals and once they've changed interest they will not acknowledge your help anymore. Users also always feel sorry for themselves, while they wont acknowledge that everyone has their own burden to carry. That's why they will walk over you, as in their mind your burden do not exist, as they can't see it, or feel it. It's just hypothetical, not really real. They will imagine your life and it will be a silly little stupid picture of a whole huge movie. Yes, that's how it will be. Like taking a snap shot from a long movie and paint ALL your assumptions on this single picture. So no wonder so much crap and believes are projected at others, when this is done. And that is what I feel I cannot tolerate anymore, as I've spent my life defending others rights to be themselves, and I need to also stand up for myself now.

I have a right to be myself without being bullied and shamed for what I need to be. The bullying and shaming is very effective, as that will make all others to feel the bullied person is a shit, without any substance to their claims and needs. And then no one will show the bullied person any concern, as all about that person is silly, emotional, ridiculous, or whatever "frame" they'd been put into. People are not able to put into small boxes and to "frame" this way. We are vast beings, and we need to feel heard, listened to, not described by ANOTHER, but listened to thrue our own selves. Some of the worst things done to you, is when someone else tells your story, without your concent, to a group of people you are associated with. It's hearsay, not really accurate, and like I said, it might be things you NEVER wanted them to hear. That is one thing that will start bullying, as silly stupid interpretations, faulty explainations about your deeds and experiences might be very harmful on people's view on you. And also the fact you are over talked, not allowed to say the story yourself, is very very harmful. Either you are forced to try and correct the story, but you should not have to even do that as you never intended that to be put forward in the way it was, or you will try to let it evaporate and not be further spoken about. 

In my opinion this talking for others is also a form of "smear", a form of gossip it is for sure, and no one should gossip about others. That's something all too common today, and it's destructive. Often it's men who believe that women are silly, stupid, emotional, and they put the women down in a very convincing way. I've been listening awhile to this sweet Lily and she's saying so much I do click with. It's easy to steal an honest person's work and ideas and then discard them with slight overtaking and gossip. It's happening all the time, but all of this is emotionally draining, and it doesn't serve anyone. So it's better to walk away from such situations and create a new heaven, a new haven that is. A place to gather with truer friends who don't tell your tales to others. So I wish to deeply recommend you to listen all thrue this video as I've done by now, as there are so much important matters brought up and deep conversations. I was truly surprised how much I liked this talk as I've listened to Lisa before, talking mostly with men, and it's been fine, but nothing as truly interesting and agreeable as this talk with these two ladies. Personally I found sweet Lily most appealing, perhaps as she had some vibes that was pleasing to me, but also the tough chick Dana is worth hearing. I however really like Lisa and what she talks about.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

Your Ladie Legend

This is my last of my seven sites under my Blue Sky. It used to be the second site, after my personal site, but as it is connected to my friends site, in my Green World, I think it fits here better as they are now both the seventh site. Since I'm a woman I prefer female friends, and some women are real ladies and others are tramps. Who's who is hard to know when looking at the surface of a woman, as many tramps dress up in pretty clothes, make their hair look nice and put out an air of authority and competence. Many false narcissists and sociopaths are clever that way and will con almost everyone into believing their illusions. However, such women are no ladies, but they are terrible beings with no moral and class. Such women are no friends either, which is why I wrote about this issue on my green blog about my friend site. Here I will more delve into the matter of what a lady really is, as it should be someone with fine manners and high morals. The site you will find here Your Ladie Legend. There are alot of graphics on that site with victorian ladies that are up for the grab. Most of the things are very old, and therefore kind of small and cute today.

It's obvious that we are living in a time where reality is turned upside down. What we are made to want to achieve in our lives are mere illusions and will only leave us with an empty feeling, while what has true value is ridiculed. Those we are told are the most evil on our planet are only the patsies or in worse case, only framed scapegoats. All the while the truly evil ones are sitting in high places killing millions upon millions. So when we look for gentlemen and ladies today we might be wise not to look at those famous people we see in media, but towards the kind and helping men and women around us. But as we live in a world of illusion, where all is backwards most still believe that these liars and murderers are good people. We all know a few phony people who have made money by pretending to be highly educated and professionals, while in reality they are only smooth talking used car salesmen in their souls. You might have worked somewhere and a charming woman or man talks their way into a high position, just by charisma. All media make us believe that having a charm and good looks is all that takes to be a successful person. But the truth is that this person was worthless, at all else then smooth talking.

Another thing that many have encountered is co-workers that steal others ideas and pretends that they came up with it. Such thieves will pretend to be best friend with everyone, while smearing everyone at the same time ever so slightly. This is what I've heard is the method they use to create distrust among everyone in a group, while always being in the middle, popular among all. At this position stealing others ideas are easy and since everyone trust the thief and distrust each other, most will go along with the thief. This is kind of the same way that the females in my family go about things, and now my own mother has behaved, as the center of all gossip. While letting me help her alot when I grew up she thanked me by lying behind my back, making me out as a real fuck up, while in reality I was very responsible. The main source of what my mother actually made up about me come from my granny, when she gave me an earful shortly before I was to leave to go and study at the university. First it was clear that granny had no idea I was already planning to leave home, as one of the main points she yelled at me about was that I was still living at home. 

My parents lived in a big house and at that time we were only four living there, so granny's rage about me still living at home when barely 22 years old did not make sense, as I had a steady job at a factory, working full time. In granny's world I was a slacker, who never helped out at home and was a burden on my mother, who had to take care of all household work for me. In granny's mind it was mother taking care of me, and that was the reason I was refusing to leave home. All was totally backwards, as I had taken care of myself since I was in my early teens, and I had also taken care of my sister. Mother didn't do any household work either, like she had her mother believe, as it was either father who did it or I. But this evening, when I came home from the factory, mother was standing in the kitchen making food. It was quite a shocker for me. I remember that my closest brother was home from the university and had been out fixing his car most of the day. He looked just as shocked as I did, seeing mother making food. We gave each other a glance, and like good children of a lazy narcissist mother we decided to play along with her little theatre, so we made the table. 

To cover up the failings of a narcissistic parent is quite typical of the children of the narcissist. It's embarrassing to have such a mother, as all children want to have a normal mother or father. When they act irresponsible and childish the children step in and try to cover up the mess their parent caused. So it's no wonder both of us immediately played along with mother's theatre and pretended that this was her normal behavior. Something mother of course knew we would do as I was always so kind and empathetic with everyone else, but myself. And her golden son would do anything to get in the good book of his parents. So it's no wonder he later on pretends this charade never happened, but at this day he was just as shocked as I was, over how cruel and heartless mother behaved. She was just standing there with an evil grin on her face, as granny lashed out on us, and mainly on me. Before my brother realized that this bashing was orchestrated for my behalf, he did defend us. That felt really good, as I was not alone standing up for the truth. But this brother is very weak so he quickly silenced and let me be ripped apart.

That is one of the basic qualities of a true gentleman or a lady, that they have strong morals and they don't like when they watches abuse and unfair treatment. So they will speak out and stand their ground and they will not bow down to authority, as a gentleman or lady is in their own authority. They will see that someone else is hurting, or being harmed, and fight like true honorable people for the upright thing. That is the very foundation of the concept, however this has been misused during these years of wickedness. I know that my brother would not had defended anyone if only I'd been attacked that day. And it's obvious that my mother is no lady, as she must had been pissed I was moving away and would not serve her anymore, so she payed me back like only a tramp would do. All narcissistic women are tramps, and you realize that when you see how they behave. A lady just don't do the stuff they do as that is so slutty and trampy and vulgar, they wouldn't. The difference between these narcsissistic women are how sure they are of themselves. I truly believe that you are born to be a narcissist, and you have a choice if you wish to follow this path or evolve beyond it. There are two major reasons a person rather stay a narcissist then evolve.

One of the reasons a narcissist will not evolve and start to become responsible and mature in his or her behavior is cause they are weak and feel that there are opportunities to take the cowards way out of things. This will lead to them letting others suffer for their mistakes and after awhile their lives are fake and their souls erroded. The other reason is that they are supported by other people who show them that this weak and pathetic lifestyle works out for them. They will early on learn the importance of a fake outer face, an image, that portrait strength and confidence. Those narcissistic women that do not have self confidence in relational matters will not behave like sluts so obviously, as they don't really know how to handle this side with the perfect outer facade. Those with a strong confidence, due to a lifetime of love and support from others, will however have no problem with doing whatever they feel like, and come out of the most messy messes like unkissed virgin brides. It's quite amazing to watch, when a true blood slut can do the most foul things and then become a saintly nun in everyones eyes. It's like some kind of black magic trick.

Lets talk about the gifts I've showed so far here, and which you will also find on my site, under the link "Gifts", of course. The top one is a composition of different graphics I've put together, and then added a frame to that I made another time. The second gift is another of my own creations, where I made the frame specially for this graphic. The same goes for the bathing lovely ladies - the third gift. The forth gift was made from a tutorial, so it's the only one of the above I've not composed myself. As you can see all of these four have ladies on them, so the theme for them are obvious. There are other matters to being a lady then being beautiful and having lovely dresses and hats, but sometimes it's true that the inner beauty in people are seen also on the outside. There are a coldness in the eyes of the psychopaths and uncaring, envious bitches, that you don't see in the eyes of a real lady of a woman. Many women are ladies, but don't know about it themselves, perhaps due to low self esteem. Such women might be daughters to evil narcissistic women, who have a way to wreck their true blue daughters self confidence with tricks like the one I mentioned using my granny. 

When you are used to do good, and work hard, and then be undermined and made to look like a bad person is one of the tricks evil mothers pull on their children, when they want to destroy their joy of life. This is a trick connected to the stealing of others work as that was what mother did, with her con with my granny. Granny only acted on the lies and false information she'd been fed from mother. My guess is that mother had lied about me for years to granny and surely to many others. It's like I said, the same thing as on a workplace, where one cruel and lying bitch makes up stories about others, while always playing the hero or victim in all her fairytales. In my life I've met a few of these non-ladies, all from my own mother, to school mates, my sister and one and another co-worker. They are easy to spot as soon as you know the signs. The reason we fall for them is cause people tend to want to adore the heroes and we tend to believe that people tell the truth. So when a person with self confidence, which a spoiled narcissist have plenty of, declares that they are the hero, people tend to believe them and adore them and want to help them out.

Some of them are so charming and convincing, people just want to run into their arms and help them out. But others don't have the same charm, like my mother for instance and a few others I've encountered, so instead of just being heroes, such narcissists will also make sure you see them as somewhat pathetic victims, and there is something about lost puppies that makes people want to help. So you see that the trick is to make us think they deserve our help. The more times you've been burned by a narcissist, like I was with that granny-trick, the less you will be able to trust them. That is when they will start their guilt tripping and make you feel you have to hold it together for the family, or whatever reason. At work it can be for the project or the company. There is always some leverage they can use to make you dance after their pipe. My mother wasn't really too concerned about me after I moved out, but after I had married and started raising a family she made me think she needed company and there was alot of talk about her dying soon. This was already when my children where quite small, and she made me think it mattered to her that I came to see her with my children.

Now I know that this guilt tripping is to make you come and see your narcissistic mother, so she can have company, as narcissists are very big on company. When ever you go and see a narcissist you can be sure they will insult you and belittle you or your children in some way or another. It's just so weird to a person that their mother first begs them to come and see them, that it's important to her and that she then does what she does on purpose once you are all there. But honestly I think they don't really want you there cause they love you or missed you, but cause they were bored and wanted someone to entertain them. Once you are there they realize you are boring and that your children are totally boring, so they talk only about themselves and behaves really awkward around the children. However shocking and stupid my mother could behave I somehow expected it. I never really stopped feeling disappointed and surprised anyhow, as her emotions towards us are so foreign to me. Now I do understand why she is this way and it's just like my husband said many years ago. It's cause she lacks empathy for others, which makes her exist within a bubble without real care for others.

After many years pretending that she was soon to die and guilt tripping me into feeling obligated to come and see her as often as possible, despite very limited funds, she suddenly announced that she rather have me come alone, without my children, so I could help her out with her house. The thing is that I'd been upset for a couple of years as my father had announced that I didn't need to take my children with me when I came to see him, and I'd said it plenty of times to her how hurt I'd been when he said that. It was all so weird as mother had spoken about how important the grandchildren where and how bad father had behaved when he ignored his own grandchildren. That was just shortly before my father told me not to bring my children, so I told mother about it as she had spoken so much about this very issue, and how important they were to her. Now I realize that this was just a show, as she wanted father declared unfit so her grabby favorite children could get their hands on father's money. But he saw thrue them. So mother never thought my children were important and she never agreed with me that it was hurtful of father to tell me not to bring them. Instead she went ahead and told me the same herself.

This had happened in summer 2009 when I had spent 3-4 days with mother and my children had only stayed the night. One freaking night and mother tells me not to bring them anymore. We hardly visited anymore as they didn't like to come and see her as there was nothing fun to do. And later on they've all told me how mother treated them when I wasn't watching. She was so cruel and mean to even the smallest little girl it's so clear she really never wanted them to come and see her. My guess is that she wanted me to do her garden and work for her like the slave and servant that bitch believes that I am. I don't mind helping out people, but I mind being used and then lied about like none of my help never happened. To never properly thank a person for their help is one way to take away that the help ever happened. This is what narcissists often do, and then they credit whatever was created onto themselves and they steal the glory. If you listen carefully at the praise a narcissist give to another they are never praising the main thing, the grander thing, but something minor and then doing it in a way so it sounds like this little thing is all the person has done. That is the trick of making others see the other person as incompetent.

Then the narcissist will call someone and take others money and pay that person to do some job, and after that paint themselves as heroes as they've made all this happen. That is the important thing when uncovering a fake lady, that she will be so very cheap that she must always be paid for anything. She will never really do any hard work, but make damn sure that others pay for whatever crap she comes up with to make herself look good. In the end others will pay for all her stupid ideas, while she most of the times comes out only having to pay less then half of what the others had to. When another person hires people to help them out in a big job, and also work hard themselves, they are met with total rejection. They will not get anything for neither their own work, nore all they've paid others. That is the sick and twisted logic of a narcissist and I've seen this one so very well in my own sister, and unfortunately also in a brother. Mother does this little trick on me more covert, so I believe she's fair, but behind my back she is so not fair. However all this is now totally out of the box, and after all they've done to me these last two years this thought pattern of theirs are all too clear.

The reason narcissists are this unfair is cause they are in their maturity stuck in an age before you realize that fairness is the way to do things. Apparently the scientists have found that at a certain age children stopped giving themselves more and started to divide things equally among themselves. After a few more years the children even liked to give more to the others. This would not show up in a narcissistic person, unless they are aware of the study and want to look good. That is the catch with this kind of studies that people are not animals and people want to be liked. So they act to look good, but in real life they might not be so kind, when they know they can get away with it. In a family were the mother is no lady, but a real bitch, some children are taught to bully other children. So they are taught to take more, to expect more. In my family the boy who resembled somewhat mothers closest brother was choosen by her to get birthday parties and all the nice stuff he asked for. As a child I noticed all these things, but I never realized it was wrong, only that it was. Children are taught that the world is a certain way and they roll with it.

It's when children get in that age that they become very unselfish, and expect others to treat them good too, when they realize that some treatment are not right. So when I was five I would think it normal that only one of us children never got punished, while two of us was. I didn't feel it odd that one got birthday parties, and us others didn't. I didn't think about this more deeply until in the teens and it truly depressed me. It was so clear I was not loved as I never got anything as easy as he did. He just had to ask one day and mother bought him a dog, when I had begged for a dog for years, never being heard. I think this is a great time to mention gifts, so lets talk about these four just above here. The purple flowers is from a tutorial, but it was so dull I added an extra frame to it, which also is from a tutorial. The lillies in the green frame are totally from a tutorial, and so is the white flowers in the green frame. Flowers are so associated with ladies, so that's why there are so many here. The last gift just above here is a tutorial I added a right side to, so I could put the text on there. That is a typical victorial lady, just like those you see alot of on my site.

Another thing that happened back in 2009 also affected grandchildren of my mother. It actually all started the year before when she decided she was to move down to my sister. Mother acted really helpless and had my sister to do alot of things for her, is what my sister has told me. And then mother got an appartment and sister had to help her out to make the deal. Just when all that was done mother "changed her mind" and decided she couldn't afford this apparment if she was to go and see her golden son in the US too. Actually, it was this brother of ours who suggested that mother would skip the appartment she finally had gotten after a long wait, and instead come and see him. No concern for the fact mother needed a place to live in after she came back from her short vacation and no concern for all the work put into this deal coming through. Mother never blamed her golden son when she talked about this, but blamed those fixing her up with an appartment. They had "rushed her" and it was their fault for demanding a fast reply. That is what they do, these narcissists, blame everyone but the guilty one. Our sister was so grumpy over all the hours she put in, as she's not the kind that likes to help out.

So then the next year all this circus began again when mother yet again had gotten an appartment down in the small community our sister lived in. This time she draw out on the decision and talked to alot of people about what she was to do, as it was really expensive. Everyone in mine and the oldest son's families said she could come and live near us instead for a much lower rent. The answer she gave all of us was that she knew nobody in our areas. The first time I heard she'd said this was to my brother's oldest son, who'd suggested his granny to live in the small town he lived in at that time. It's very close to where my brother and his wife and smallest son live, and I believe the daughter lives there now. The grandson was very insulted and asked me why his granny said she didn't know him, after all the times he'd visited her and helped her out. I tried to joke it away and said that my mother would say the same to me, despite her knowing me for twice as long, and me being her own child. That was when I tested my mother on it, just for a laugh, and she did indeed tell me she neither knew me or anyone in my family. In retrospective it's not even funny!

It's not funny as the people she said she did know down where my sister lived was my sister and her family. Mother also mentioned her sister and her family. That was pretty much it. I counted to 3 close blood relatives, as the nephew and his children and grandchildren is not close. She didn't mention any friends, but only these people. So then I counted how many close blood relatives she had up at my nephews place, where he'd suggested his granny to move. I came up with the number 4. Last time I checked 4 is more then 3, and also remember that our sister's son was from her first marriage, so she only saw him now and then. Just a few months after mother had moved down to our sister's village, she and her husband moved out and into the big city. A few years later mother revealed to me that she never had been told in advance that this was to happen. If that is true or not I don't know, as my mother lies so much. She might had been told and she didn't care to admit to it, as she'd decided that her baby daughter loved her and cared for her. Mother would do so silly things it's just embarrassing when she was with my sister, and she had to clean up the mess. One time she'd backed her car into a neighbours car, and afterwards sister said mother was totally silly, and had her deal with the whole thing like a little child.

That's so incredible to hear, as to both me and my oldest brother mother behaves like we are the silly little children who need help to change our dipers. So to hear how helpless and stupid she really is, when with her golden children, is totally barock. And I guess that's why she rather wants to live with my sister so she doesn't have to put on that mask of competence all the time, and can instead be that silly person she likes to be. I don't really know. But after mother had told me this about how angry she was on my sister for lying to her and making her move down there and then she just moved away, mother began to talk about moving up to here where we live. She talked alot with my oldest daughter, who'd just moved into a flat nearby. This was in early 2013 and my daughter had a handicapped little child all by herself, as she broke off with the child's dad in summer 2012, and she also studies at the university at one of the most tough programs there are. Still her granny would phone her again and again and ask for help to get her an appartment, and my daughter would try to help her out. After a few months of constant demands her granny suddenly proclaimed to my daughter that she'd changed her mind, since she "didn't know anyone there". 

My daughter knew about this statement as she'd heard her cousin tell about it back in 2009, and she'd heard me mention that this was her granny's first reaction to my suggestion she would come and stay here. So she was forwarned, but it's still hard to believe someone would actually say such a thing after you've been in many conversations with that person and totally helped them out. It's just so rude! It's not lady-like one bit. It's totally bitch-like. This is why I do understand why my sister choose to rather have our mother close to her then me. It's so much easier to look good when with our mother then with me. Another thing is that mother has assets which I don't yet. If I ever get assets or like tens of millions, I'm sure my sister will come back to me and try to kiss my ass. But then it will be too late, as I know now what I know and I know she's just like her biological mother. She will do as she please without any consideration whom it might hurt. She will frame others for her own deeds, just like mother would and our golden brother does, only she will do it in her own way. It's always a sad thing to have to accept that the women you've had closest to you in life were fakes. And these two are not the only fake ones I've had to learn to accept. It's hard to learn that those you trusted lied to you and deceived you.

Honor, reliability, empathy, true kindness are all the hallmarks of a true lady. Without those traits you can never ever be a lady, no matter what you say. Even a lady can have passionate love affairs and do stupid things concerning the heart, but a lady would never enjoy to hurt another woman by stealing her husband away from her. That would only a tramp. So lets now speak again about my gifts here. The pretty picture with the young woman from the 20's I put together with a few nice tubes and created a nice frame to, so it's one of my own creations. The new year graphic is however a tutorial, even if I designed the frame myself. The lady in blue above is a tutorial, but I added the space to the right so to have somewhere to put the text. Below is a tutorial which I remade into a tag. I do hope you get time to visit my site as there are tons and tons of pretty graphics on there. So much victorian ladies and all sorts of different little trinkets and surprises. A final thought about being a lady is the true wish to be of help to others. Helpful and gracious people are the true gentlemen and ladies. That is why tramps and scumbags always try to use these kind hearted people. It's not your fault for being kind - it's their fault for being unkind.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

Your Faery Heaven

This is my sixth blue site and it's like you can read about faeries, but it's also about what we call heaven, and about happiness. That's why this site is filled with merry little fairies and small, cute childangels. I don't think any other kind of pictures could symbolize joy more then pictures of children. It's a very innocent site and there is not much more to tell about it as it's a visual site. There are plenty of graphics of all sorts there I've made during many years working with my websites. This site has evolved from an older site, which I still have a copy of on my Queen site. I redid it totally and moved the old site away, so I will not link to the old one here. If you wish to go to this site, just go here - Your Faery Heaven. All my blue sites are linked up to a green site, and this one I've linked to my youngest daughter's, which I feel is a good choice as she's a sweet, happy young thing. If only she did not have to go to school. I too wish she didn't have to, as it's a terrible thing those schools. However I like our schools far better then many I've heard about and her school is very nice. There is nothing really bad about the school, apart from the wireless internet, which is everywhere in town. I'm glad we don't live in the town, but on the country side.

When I made this site I also thought about all the lost little children, as there are so many who had a child or almost had a child and then lost them. The worst possible thing I could imagine ever would happen is to have a child, and then the beautiful creation is ripped from your arms and you cannot hold them again, not see them grow up, know what they would become, share their lives with them and watch them fall in love, marry even and maybe one day too become a parent. That is the reason your children is so precious and you should guard yourself from pushing away anyone, as you wish to have them with you for as long as you live. It's crazy to think that so many parents actually do that and loose their children on purpose, when others could had given anything to have them still alive. Children are predisposed to care and love their parents so you have to work hard to make them leave you for ever. Sometimes however I think some children can find their parents too much in their teen years, and try to avoid them, and if so I think we should let them, even if it feels very sad and you might even feel deeply hurt and rejected by your child. Remember that it's not about you and sometimes having a very talkative parent who likes to discuss very boring subjects is just not what the young person wants.

I know this is so but it still is very sad that it's how it is. We are different and while some are talkative and very good at standing their ground and tell what they think, others are not. That's when you sit there like a prat and talk to yourself, if you know what I mean. If you have a very silent child you do know what I mean. Perhaps you've read something, heard something and you want to talk about it with someone and see what they think about it, but it's a very bad idea to choose to talk to a very silent teen, who only feel like you are totally ignoring them and totally up in your own world. I know as I've done that about a trillion times, but that's how I am and I don't know how to change. I want to talk, I want to communicate my thoughts and feelings, so to me it's very hard to be with people who are very secretive and refuse to share anything. It almosts angers me, and I don't like to feel that way. I like when feelings are very open and we are connected to each other, but I think that we just don't click so easily with everyone. Some people just don't like us that much. Or perhaps it's just that they don't know what to say or what to do when you are treating them like someone you can talk to about subjects you are interested in. That since they are not interested in those subjects, most likely, and don't want to be rude, while actually not at all interested. 

When people hear about children who have rejected their parents and wont socialize with them I think many believe it's due to silly little matters like the one I just mentioned. The parents are boring and talk about the same shit all the time, so the child can't be bothered as they are selfish and don't appreciate the sacrifices the parents had to make. Something of that order is what I believe such people imagine is the reason why someone would be so cruel to their poor parents. That's the general idea that I saw on TV when I was young and the only reason ever made for people turning their backs on their parents. Eventually I found out about what horrible things that could happen inside families, much worse then I've lived through as a child. I heard that there could be severe physical abuse, where a father would brake his own sons arm. It happened to a friend of mine, and after that his mother left their father. She was pregnant at the time and the daughter that she had didn't see her father until on his death bed. She was a very good friend of mine, the one I loved the most of all my friends, and it was hard to fantome how it must had felt to grow up like that. Their mother had swiftly remarried another guy and had a new baby girl almost immediately. What I know there was no abuse in the new family their mother fixed for them, and I do hope they still care for each other as it was a lovely family. 

The reasons a woman would marry a man that could do such a thing to a child is something that one might ponder upon. She was a very lovely lady and easy to talk to and I liked her alot, so she told me the story about how she'd been swept away by his intense charm and that he'd been the perfect gentleman up till they got married. As soon as that happened everything changed, like flipping a coin. When looking back at her incredible story of this charming and handsome man, that was so cruel and violent, it's clear he was some kind of narcissist or psychopath. She told me many other things, but it all fits. How she fell in love with him, how totally insanely in love she was, and the hurt and shock when he totally changed his personality once they were married. Such people tend to honeymoon you and then use tactics to brake you in and make you more easy to handle. She was a very strong woman with an incredible charisma, so if someone wanted soul energy she was the perfect target. It took two children and a third pregnancy before she left so alot of things must had happened during all that time. In my calculation it took her atleast three years before she had enough of him after he started to do his dr Jekyll and mr Hyde routine, going back and forth with her. Why I mention this is cause this was the first time I heard of anyone harming a child so very brutally as that father did.

Later on I heard that other people also sexually abused children and thinking back I then realized that I might had known such victims and then I understood all the pain I felt from them. At the time it only confused me, as I'm a sensitive and I feel what others around me are feeling. It's like this. I feel their feelings, but I don't really know why they feel it, only that it's there. When I avoid that person I don't feel the pain, so I know it's the other persons pain and not mine. Of course the result might be that people avoid a hurting person, which they actually do. People suffering alot is not easy to be around, when they wont talk about their issues. It's confusing and it's very depressing, so hence many avoid them. I don't blame people that do, but I get very upset and angry with people who try to use and mistreat these people I can feel are in pain. That again is something I've noticed happened. There was this pretty little girl who had a mother who had five children with five different men. She was the oldest daughter of them, and I felt there was some sadness in her. Another thing her girlfriends noticed was that a boy in our class began to harass her. He was also trying to intimidate me, threatenting to punsh my face in, but her he was sexually harassing. It truly upset us all and maybe he felt something under the surface, I don't know. 

What I know that girl killed herself later on in life, but I don't really know. I've known a few doing that and it's not too uncommon, but in my opinion there was a reason for it. There was something wrong with the family they grew up in and it was way worse then I had to put up with. I was not in lethal danger from physical abuse, nore did I have to fear any abuse from nasty guys dating my mother. All in all I had the perfect upbringing on the surface and many envied me so much they even had to make up lies about me to punsh a hole in what they percieved to be my perfect life. However, my life was not perfect and not even particulary wonderful. I was a very lonely child and that was why I played mostly with myself and from that comes my inability to play with others. I've played to long alone and had noone else to talk to. The girl who had no father was my friend awhile, but she had no ability to play the games I wanted to do. She had no imagination and when we played with the dolls she didn't know what the dolls would say, so she forced me to make up everything, including for her dolls. That annoyed me alot as I wanted a playmate who'd do that so the game would be more fun. It was not fun doing it her way as that was like playing on my own. I felt really mean to, not letting her dolls speak her words. 

Perhaps I'm too pushy and made her feel insecure, but that did not add up as I was the whimp of us two. She had loads of friends and she had a winning smile. Everyone seemed to like her and her jokes were hilarious. I had nothing to her and lots of boys adored her, though she was very picky. We did however find suitable partners about at the same time and the guy she ended up with and had children with was with her at my wedding. I think that was very lovely, even if I now hardly remember a thing from that day. To be honest I just think we were very different and despite me thinking we were really good friends she could pick any friend she wanted and I was kind of one of the most dull she knew. I outsmarted her big time at school and most of the things I talked about I'm sure she couldn't care less about. That's how it is with childhood friends, that no matter how much we love them we might not be what they need or want in life. But she and her family did teach me alot and with the thanks of them I found out what was wrong with me in my later teens when I got alot of migrains. My own mother said I did not have migrains and would not help me or listen to me, but my friends mother was a nurse and she knew what she was talking about. Thanks to her I did find something that could ease my pain and help me to cope.

In that way she was my guardian angel and so was that whole family, which is why I've dreamt my whole life that I'm down in their house or outside their house and I want to see them. But they are not there anymore and I can't find them. This dream is always very sad and I realize that I miss them alot, but to them I was just another silly person in their sea of friends. They had alot of friends and I hardly had any, as I'm kind of a nerd and like I said I talk about boring things and I wallow far too long over small details that makes ordinary people quite annoyed. So no wonder I annoy my teenagers! I know I do and I try to avoid them as it's not their job to listen to me going on and on about some YouTube video I saw or some comment I read. I wish however they'd tell me such things, but I do know that you don't in that age. I never spoke to my mother in that age and it took till I was a mother myself and close to 30 before she bothered with me really. I thought that ment that she'd regretted ignoring me most of my upbringing, but I'm not sure that was it. I think it was cause she does not like children, so therefore she ignored most of her children all their upbringing. She however did spoil her second son rotten and she had declared my sister a better human being then me even before she was born. I guess she must be as she's so very like mother. Or atleast in mothers eyes.

As you might had figured out this means that my mother was kind of a typical narcissistic mother who didn't bother with children, and was occupied with avoiding her responsibilies as a mother and a wife. She didn't clean our cloths and alot of the money she got from the state to buy us cloths with she saved up and bought furs for herself with. She didn't make us food and all groceries and meals were always due to our father. She didn't wash the dishes as she insisted that unless father bought us a washing machine she'd never do that, and he refused to buy one. She didn't clean the house more then occasionally whiped the dust from the nice furniture in the better living room, where us children had no access to until we were in our teens. There were alot of things this woman would not do, as it was beneth her. She acted like she was the queen of the castle and father was her servant and right hand who was to do all she demanded. On the surface she didn't look anything but harmless, unless you'd caught one of her evil stares. When she had that evil look in her eyes she scared the crap out of me. I had a nightmare that she was two people living inside of one body, and one was an evil demon. I will never forget that dream. Weird as my best friends family was, her without any real father, she often remarked on how weird mine was.

Lets talk about my gifts above. The two first ones are made using the same tutorial and the third is also totally made from a tutorial. The unicorn gift I took another picture then suggested, but the frame is made with the help of a tutorial. The pretty little angel baby is also from a tutorial, and so is the blond woman with the butterflies. I will stop talking gifts now as I think it's pretty obvious why I've choosen these gifts for this particular site. Fairies and butterflies kind of mix, like spirits of the living earth. I've had a dream about being a fairy once, but that was not too long ago when I was already a very grown up adult. In the dream I could fly, of course, and I flew up and down and around and around, until I by mistake flew into some helicopter wings that clipped my wings right off. So then I had to levitate up to the surface, as that had made me fall into the sea below, and I lifted myself up to the rocks and then I walked inside a hotel and started eating off their fruit bufé. I just knew that I was a fruit fairy and the only times in my life I needed to feed was when I needed to grow new wings. Soon after I'd eaten my fill of the fruit I felt that my new wings came out and I could begin to fly like before. It was an amazing feeling being a fairy and I felt the mischief inside of me. It was nothing malicious atall, but filled with laughter and joy.

It's not easy to describe how the feeling was, but I both wanted to be a little mischievious, and lark around with folks, but at the same time I had this very innocent total love for everyone, like a little child would have who never seen evil in his whole life. There was nothing dark or illwishing in this small person I was, when I was this fairy, but I was all love and joy. In many ways this was how I felt normally when I played around as a child, and then out of the blue other people came along and punished me for made up fairytales. I had only minded my own business, wanted for everyone to have fun and play, and somehow I now and then needed to be spanked on my bare butt according to my mother. That was the only physical punishment I remember from our parents when I was small, and it was far from braking any arms. Also it was done without any signs of anger or any explaination to why it was done. My guess is that it was mothers way of putting a wedge between me and dad as she had him do it. She never did. I also believe she made up a reason to him, so he did it. Otherwise I don't know if I could forgive him, if he hadn't heard a lie and believed it. I think that also explains why he seized to love me after a few years and even began to hate me. Atleast that was what I felt he did, and when he did I started to hate myself.

This is the danger with being a child that you tend to want to love your parents and when they reject you, you feel you are not worth anything any more. Many rejects teenagers as they are not as cute and cuddly anymore, but dad started rejecting me as soon as my baby sister was born. The last summer I felt like he totally still did love me was that summer after she was born. I remember how he taught me to change her dipers and alot of other things. We both loved that baby so much and she was so cute and cuddly it was hard not too. The problem was of course that someone made her believe that she was my responsibility and that's when things went south from there. I believe she in her mind blames me for all things that was not perfect in her upbringing, as she had me by her side up till she was a head taller then me and looked older then me. That's when I moved away from home, even if I kept in contact with her many years to come. It would had been better if she'd had a proper mother and if I could had been free to be a teenager instead of having to act like some half-parent to my sister. It was not like we were a family with ten children, where the mother was too overwhelmed to do all herself. No, our mother was just too lazy and selfish to spend her time being a proper mother to my sister and as soon as she became a teenager she moved in and put toxin into her against me.

That's what I'm sure happened as all of a sudden mother did all sorts of things with my sister. The only time mother travelled anywhere with me was when I turned 20 and I had to be her travelling companion on her trip to the States. First she wanted me to pay for the trip myself, but I think dad helped out and somehow I didn't have to pay for it. I think mother had to pay half and he paid the other half or something. It was all mothers idea to go and she was the one not wanting to go alone, and if you are alone and want to go travel people actually pay others to go with them as "travel companions", so why not? I was only 19 when we flew off and I turned 20 during the trip. There were no party planned, of course, as I've never had a birthday party in my life. Atleast not that I can remember, and I even have memories of me contemplating this issue as a young person, so I think that is correct that I never did. As I remember it only our spoiled brother had birthday parties. I think it should had been my birthday party to go to the States without paying, but it took alot of negotiation before my parents finally came to a conclution. They sure knew how to make you feel special and wanted - not. 

When my sister was only 12 years old mother started taking her on trips. She took her on loads of trips through the years, and I'm sure they never discussed who would pay for her. Not even when she got older, as they were divorcing when she turned 20 and then could fight over who spoiled her the most, like divorcees do. Since she was so much younger I never thought anything about all the trips and travelling she could do with her parents, and mostly her mother. It never entered my mind as I've never questioned anything really, but only noticing it and contemplating over the fate some people have and the fate of others. It's always been a weird fact to me that some people are just born to be admired and more right and precious then others, while some people were born to be ridiculed and talked down to. Many things I started to question in my teen years, but most of the things took my whole adult life to begin to dispute their authenticy of. Now I can't see why one person is right no matter if he's wrong, and another is wrong no matter that all the evidence clearly shows he's right. I just can't ignore this anymore that this is what is going on all over the place and it's so very wrong. Did people lie this much all my life, or has it gotten far worse?

It becomes more and more clear that there is a huge discrepency in humans ability to understand their lives and others communication. The base for a lot of this lack seem to be this very unequality, that the words and sentenses don't get interpreted correctly as there is some hostile filter in people's minds that stops them from truly analyzing the true intent with what is said. At the same time some seem to be highly equiped to uncover the animosity and aggression the more primitive of humans so easily put into their words. Many that do that have a natural leaning towards trying to smooth things over, back away to stop the aggressor from gaining more anger, and by doing that more or less backing away and letting the bully take over. This act is not really done due to cowardness, but a hope to bring peace and understanding. People like this seem to think that the aggressive person only needs to calm down and see sense, so lets not aggrivate him further. They will then also demand that whoever seem to aggrevate this angry person should back away. This is one of the greatest tricks the predator mind has pulled on humanity, as when you tell the rightful person to back away from his rightful claims, so not to annoy the unrightful and very aggressive predator, the predator wins the game. He will not calm down and the end result is always that justice looses.

This happens wherever you see aggression that is out of proportion and someone trying to stand up for their own rights, but gets sidetracked by someone that uses no logic reasoning that makes any sense, lots of unproven accusations, demeaning words about the other. Many are even enchanted by these aggressive people who will swiftly change from honey and smooth talking to others and into a demeaning and aggressive attitude against their target. This makes others, of weaker constitution, immediately prone to lick the shoes of the predators and help them bully and put down their opposers. So all in all there is almost different spieces on this planet, and even inside families. Some have kindness, empathy, low demands, gratitude, a feeling of responsibility to aid others in their wellbeing, while others are only out to get what they want, they need and fuck the rest. On the surface outsiders seem to get easily confused who's who and many seem to believe that the opposite is true about peoples true natures. I've seen this myself so I was not too shocked to find out that predators borrow the coat of the nice and kind little sheep in the flock and uses this one as their scapegoat. Someone to take the fall for all the bad things the wolf under cover actually does.

In a perfect world, where there is truly goodness, kindness and honest caring people you would need to be able to see through all such charades. There would not be any posibility to lie, to deceive, to harm in this very cruel and brutal way. It's this turning of tables, of harming the innocent and glorifying and assisting the true perpetrator, that has caused our world to drift so very far from the heavenly paradise this could have been like. The more evil we let in among us and accept and wont see through, the more death and destruction do we create. Deserts came only a few thousands years ago, so what paradise did we have before the dawn of this era? There is a great posibility we once lived in a paradise and that we through our own naivity let evil in and ever since then our world has been slowly dying. If it's gone too far already or if there is someway to turn things around might be a big question, but so far I've only witnessed the intent to bring on total inhaliation of our present culture and a huge part of the population. You can see this in what they are predictively programming us with through their mediums - their hypnotizists and magicians. What else purpose did you think media had, but to program us into believing and constructing the world those supporting the making of the media has.

There are realms filled with colours so radiant and so vibrant were the air itself seems filled with vitality and love is litterary in the air. It's such joyous places and you laugh and have fun, just like the place were the little fairy lived. And then there are dark and cold places where no colours live at all and all is grey and dull. Even the minds of men are dark and sadness rests in everyones heart. This planet has more and more become this latter kind of place, where so much sadness is encouraged to rule. But this planet was not intended to be such a place so despite the most dark and evil of actions it's like the little fairy of joy seeps through and bring laughter into the hearts of children. It's the spirit of this earth that seeps through and wish her children to re-joyce while they are here alive on her. Earth has given us so much we should be happy about, but nowdays some power is working overtime to shut all that down and the only scare that someone like me could have is that this attempt would succeed. The key to the soloution lies straight in the hands and hearts of mankind themselves, as if they wish to stay on this planet they must live like she wants us to do, or we will not be able to stay here much longer.

When people are cruel and heartless and have no empathy, no love, no care and can do horrible things to their kin without any regret, then these people don't belong here. That's the first message I got, that this kind of person must go as there is no place for such thinking. Only people who care and help out and love each other belongs here. You know who you are by how you react to others and how you wish to help others. When you meet nasty people who lie about others, about you, and are hostile and make stories up to paint others as villains and monsters out of their own foul minds, you know which kind of paranoid people this planet does not want to have here. These people like to murder what is alive, for no particular reason, and they don't look after things so they bloom and thrive, but they let things go if there is no money to gain from keeping it pretty. They only do things to gain themselves and not ever for the purpose of keeping things nice and good for everyone and so it will keep to the future and thrive and grow and build for future generations. These people are only in it for it now, for themselves, and they want the benifits to be reaped while they are alive, and screw the future.

These are the people helping to ravish this planet with wars, weather manipulations and drought and starvation and using horrible methods of mining that cracks the earth, putting radiations in our seas, atmosphere, poluting and destroying everything, on land, in sea and in the air. I could go on and on about what they do just to earn more money. They are horders of money and wealth and they don't care what harm what they are doing to this planet will cause all life living here, only if they can hord a little more. To aid them in this mission they've gathered alot of people who only wish to make a living, while sacrificing their childrens future. It's the shortterm thinking the thick and stupid have, which is a big problem here that this planet is filled with stupid people. Even alot of really nice people are stupid, but somehow nice makes people less stupid. A nasty person might score higher on a IQ test then a nice person, but somehow it's like the niceness add so much intelligence to the mix, that the IQ test not might pick up. There is of course other tests, but the greatest test is if you are a good person or not. Do you lie to gain scraps from your kin or are you an honest person to them and share equally and fair? 

The pure souls and hearts will see that unfairness is not a good thing, while people that have let darkness into them will believe that some should have much more then others, for no reason then them being alive. That's how easy it is to judge who's a good person and who's not. So simple as that. I've made a few more gifts here as you can see and two fairies I used a tutorial to make the green and turquoise frame, just like the little birds on a blooming cherry bransch, and the fountain in the park. All given frames I made using tutorials. The lady on the beach is a tutorial and so is the one above here, though I added the bottom part to write on. The little cute fairy tag below is also a tutorial. There is another thing that lures us here on this world right now, which makes it so hard to actually judge what others truly are. It's that too many has lost their ability to see into anothers heart anymore. That's why the enchanters now has all the power and the honest and caring people are punshed in the face by others, that truly believe they hit the bad guy. It's cause the truly bad guys hide behind these masks, these fake perfect images, and people adore them as if they were wiser, better, more deserving. I think that's why they let us know after some of them have died, that their true nature was vile and cruel, so to make the enchanted wake up and start to watch behind the surface.

Queen Angelica - Fairyaland Poetry

Your Angel Angelica

Of the blue sites this is my fifth one, a site about angels and peace. Someone once said that women thinking themselves being angels were all evil, which I felt at that time was quite over simplifying. And as things evolved through time it stands more and more clear that men believing such things are thinking in black-and-white, due to meeting once an evil woman portraiting herself as an angel. Reality is that there are good women, who truly love and care like angels, but that does not make every woman who claims to be an angel trustworthy, as the most likely to openly brag about their goodness are the evil ones. The truly good women don't need to brag or tell tales of their heroism, as being good is only part of their every day life. A woman truly convincing in her heroism and spinning tales about how heartbroken she's been by a certain woman, she will gladly tell you the name of, is the one you will be wise to not trust. If she sobs her story and tells how sad she is over her once so trusted friend's now revealed malice, and you see that she never shows the slightest sign of doubt in anything she has to tell about her "tormentor", then you should be aware. If someone looks too good to be true, they might very well be too good. 

It's way more probable that the truly good and empathetic woman will doubt the intent of her "tormentor" and ask the question why she might do this hurtful deed. She will feel shame, not cause of guilt of lying, but of guilt of revealing such foul truths about another being. The false "angel" will however not shiver in doubt what the intent is, which she claims her "attacker" has to her actions. She knows, without knowing, that the other woman is mentally instable and envious of her perfection. She will state all the illwill and evilness done to her with that very same perfection, so that no-one hearing it can avoid the conviction she shows. Almost none can help themselves fall under her spell and believe the tales she's spinning. That is how the false "angels" are revealed - by their very ability to convince almost all of their greatness. If you wish to visit my site you go here, to Your Angel Angelica, where I promise you I will not do any such thing as luring you with perfect tales of my heroism, and try to convince you I am the angel to be trusted. I am here and now a mere human, but being that I do feel deeply others pain, and would therefore be labeled an empath. Wise of the years I however know it's not good to let this ability show all too clear, as many are the deceivers who wish to use those who truly care. 

An empath is someone who cares for others and feels guilt when she does not help as much as she'd like to. All empaths are easy targets for users, so being born an empath you need to learn very early to spot these predators and avoid them as much as you can. This world is full of people, who want nothing more then to prey on those that care, as they are easy to use. When I talk about angels I mean the empaths really, and as empaths rarely tell fairy tales of their own heroism, you rarely hear about true empaths when you hear tales of such. Empaths are actually more likely to not be trusted, then the lying self proclaimed "angels" are. Those deceivers, that spellbind people to believe their stories about themselves, are more likely to be sociopaths and nothing more. You see, people are more inclined to believe a sociopath then an empath, as the sociopath will lie while looking straight into your eyes, and the empath most likely will look down, burden under so much feelings that rush through their mind and heart. The sociopath is an actor, who's practised the perfect voice, and the best way to shed a fake tear. 

The empath is true to her heart and will reflect on each word she says, as she does not want to get anything wrong, and in this world that is not an easy task. Most will not hear the full story, but like you to sum things up, and there is the lie, hidden between the lines untold. So with every word the empath might wish to say, that will not be vague, she will slowly try and circling around the truth to find her way in. She will hesitate to speak ill of others, and shudder at taking another down, so much that she'll hold back on the vastness of an evildoers actual deeds, as she'll feel the guilt that the true perpetrator ought to have felt. This will confuse the listener and interpretate as her own guilt, and her shame over others illwill they will believe is her own. That is the fate of most empaths, that they will be the ones who takes the fall for others crimes. Every fallen angel you know, could be someone flying too close to the liars. So my advice to all good people is to learn what is truly evil and avoid to be the one that will take the fall. The evil ones will love to stay close to the good, as there is the price they wish to win. They wish to steal your goodness from you.

Lets mention the gifts that I've added to this piece for a moment. The two first ones are both made with the same tutorial, and the one above here is from another. Angels didn't always look like we imagine them today, like on the first gift. In the beginning their wings might just as well be fairy wings, so I decided to put the second gift on this site too, despite me having another fairy site. I have both fairies and angels there too, so why should I not here? The third gift is of a girl with no wings, as it's not if you see the wings or not that makes a being an angel, but what is in their true hearts. An angel is a supreme being, with a better knowledge of right and wrong then simple human beings seem to have. However, I believe that every human being has the essence of an angel inside of them, but some people choose to kill it and become total sociopaths. I don't believe the noncense that they can't help themselves, being selfish, lying prats. I think they do it totally volontary and that they by free will has choosen to shut down care for others. Or perhaps even choosen to only care for some and use others like products they afterwards discards like garbage.

This means that every human being is responsible for his or her own actions, which is exactly what the malignant ones do not want. They wish to be treated like three-year-olds, whom yet have not understood what they are doing and can cry and whine their way from taking any responsibility in anything they've done. Of course, a three-year-old has not learnt how to manipulate everyone into agreeing to take away all their responsibility, so there is a much greater likelyhood a small child will be forced to face his or her guilt, then a sociopath will. That's cause the sociopath is like a slimey worm that wriggles away and is so slippery you can't hold them, so they tend to trick their way out of any sort of responsibility. Which is the essence of evil, when you frame the innocent for your own deeds that are either false or damaging in some ways. This is why I totally get nauseated when people claim that "we are all one" as no way those who've deliberately deceided to torture the innocent just for the fun of watching them sqirm are the "same as me". No way. Whatever they are it's not of some higher, loving consciousness, but malicious and primitive.

Imagine yourself an ordinary three-year-old who has a toy, and doesn't want to share. That child will hit the other children who dare to touch the toy. That is primitive, and not something all children will do. All three-year-olds are not the same. Some have understood the act of kindness already when only three. Some have not learnt it when becoming four, five, and so on. Some might never learn. So we are different and we are not "all the same". We are each and everyone different from another in some way, but there are soul clusters where you will feel like you are one with the others. Only in connection to such people could I feel this to be true - that we are all one. But only one with those who are like myself and not with those that are total strangers to me. And it's a choice the human does and not something that is forced on them. In some cases I feel more connected to a person when he or she was younger, while as they grow up they get alienated to me and I don't feel the connection anymore like I used to. There has come some kind of darkness over them, some illwill and often there is anger involved. Which does not mean they've become sociopaths, but that they are in some kind of pain and that pain will force them to choose what to become. It's not someone else making this choice - it's they themselves that will do it.

This is the reason some will been thrue horrible abuse, lovelessness, cruelness and still do great work to help others in their lives. They might be in pain their whole lives, due to the lack of love they suffered as cute little babies, but they will not try and pass their hurt on to the next generation, but learn from their own pain and try and do better, much better. Who better could know how to heal hurt children, then someone who once was one? I've heard the figure that 25% of abused children will go on and try to live normal lives and do better then what they experienced. They might never be whole again, and suffer from all sorts of psychological damages, but they will try to do better. They might marry and try to become better parents, and not do harm to their own children, like they were harmed when they were small and vulnerable. Most of abused children, like half of them, will go on and live selfdestructive lives. They will become alcoholics or other forms of substance abusers, or they will kill themselves in more direct ways. These people will become bad parents as they cannot get their focus away from their own pain, and try to focus their care to the children. These are the people that should not have children, unless they get help and heal. Otherwise they are better off not having any, as failing their children will only bring them more pain and guilt.

Then we come to the bitter fact that a big portion of abused children will continue the abuse they suffered and deliberatly do the same to their own children and to others. Whatever they saw when they were children will they internalize as the normal, and not question the rightfulness in treating others this way. These are the cruel children that most likely was the golden ones of the parents, the ones already in childhood helping the parents out to abuse the siblings. They grew up in evil and they became the evil themselves, without a second thought. They never question the accuracy that they were better and more well deserved, or that their siblings deserved less. Still, it's abuse to do this to a child, which is done to the spoiled golden child. Many will also meet the rage of the abusive parents and might be used in ways I rather don't think about as it's too sick. I really don't want to think too much about the sickness some people possess as it's too far gone for me to even concider. How can such vile beings be the same as me? No way. I refuse to admit to such lunacy. They do horrible things to small children without any regrets. I've been told that about 25% of those raised in abusive environments will repeat the abuse to others, so imagine what those will do who've been abused in the most horrible ways.

Now I will come to the origin of each soul. I totally believe that every soul is not the same, and not coming here from the same place. I don't know if all souls originate from the source, or if some has other kinds of souls, which I very much might imagine is so, as the sociopathic soul is so different. I suspect that those souls are from a lower dimension, and might even be a creation made as some kind of fake copy of the real souls, and when doing this copying they lacked some vital parts, like true empathy. I say that cause to me it's a deliberate act to shut down my over working empathy, as that tends to make me feel all the emotions the one I talk to feel. When I talk to a sociopath I don't, but all I feel is my own emotions mirrored back. I feel nothing real from the sociopath, but them stealing mine and making them theirs and mirroring it back so I feel bad about them. It's like they steal my emotions, and they turn them against me, so I believe they are feeling what I really felt, but much worse! I think that's how the sociopaths con us to pity them and neglect our own needs. We feel so bad for them, we believe, but it's our own pain we feel, just tossed back in our faces and made out to be theirs. When I connect to normal people I feel their emotions and they have nothing to do with what I feel at that moment, but are all theirs. It's a totally different experience. 

Now I will yet again mention my gifts here, as there are three above I've not spoken about. The angel holding a lantern is a lovely graphic I fell in love with and just had to make a gift of. I first made it to my oldest daughter as a birthday gift, and I also made a site with it to celebrate a group I have, so I'm very fond of it. I made the frame around it myself, using my own ideas. The baby I could not resist and I used it to make the silver variation of that frame, suggested in a tutorial. The golden frame I have on my fairy site. The lady above in blue is also made using a graphic of my choice and a tutorial. I love the mysterious look she has and if you look closely you see a fairy around her neck. Blue is the colour of the jinns, the spirit world, but also the colour that you see when you are downloaded into this reality. I've been told that it's the energy that holds all together that is blue. So we could say that the very matrix is blue. Remember the movie where those wishing to stay in the dream ate a blue pill? That is how it is. We are in a dream and we have to choose wisely what we do here. Just as non real this "reality" is, just as important is it for our futures in this "game" that we choose wisely. If you look on this as a game, you will see why it is.

In a game you need to understand what the purpose of the game is. In my opinion there are many layers of this game and therefore it's easy to get fooled into believing you are the winner, while you are only running around in circles. In all games there are bots created you can interact with and they might very well be the very same as I suggested above. Those having those simple souls that do not seem to be able to evolve or comprehend deeper values. Those that robotically mirror back to you what you yourself feel, but at the same time make you feel insignificant and stupid for feeling that, as obviously the other feels so much worse. I cannot describe it to you differently, but the sociopaths do have a nack for minimizing others experiences, stealing them and making them theirs. Just like a bot in a game would do to cause you pain and suffering to give you an opportunity to grow or to get beaten. In a game it's either loose or learn to beat the bots. How many bots are there really then? Who are the bots? A bot must be very easily programmed by the game, and very hard to make understand higher values as those are not supported by their small computer brains. They say about 1-3 % are total psychopaths, so perhaps that is the number of true bots?

At the same time the number seem to be much higher then that, if you look at society and on families. There seem to be 20-25% malignant people in this world today, just like I mentioned the number of abused children there were, who choose to keep the evil going into the next generation. Which leads back to free will choices. Some say that psychopaths do know, intellectually, that they are doing bad things, but since it's either good for themselves what they do, or just fun in a general sadistic way, they don't care. They lack the ability to feel what the others feel in a way that would make them stop. I do however truly believe that they feel others emotions of pain and suffering and that it's like food for them. Like a candy bar for a child. They enjoy others pain. So the pain of others is not an obstacle for them, but more like a carrot, to go on and do what they please to others. They will do what they believe they can get away with, due to this. And as they do they will lure others into their web of evil and those will also choose to ignore empathy, or actually turn it off, in favor or enjoying others pain instead of sharing it in empathy and loving care. 

The ailment will then spread until you get the numbers they talk about today, where almost 25% of mankind is choosing to do bad things to others, as long as it benifites themselves. With no regrets, no remors, no want to take responsibility for their own actions and totally blaming the victims for their own suffering. To try and plead to such a person is of no use, as such a being has choosen to enjoy others pain instead of helping to heal it. It's a free choice, I'm sure, and that's why most people will follow the bully as most people are affraid of getting seperated from the herd and choosen as the predators next victim. Today people think like herd animals and as long as they do that the predators living of them will rule them. What we need to do is to stop doing this and become what we truly are, if we are still using our empathy that is. If we've killed it and started to enjoy to harm innocent beings, I don't know what miracle it would take to bring us back. No, I think there is a better chance to wake up the sleep walkers, with kind and loving hearts, then there is to turn demons back to the way of care and solidarity with the suffering.

The greatest problem is that we can never know for sure what's in anothers heart, so many that look like angels on the surface are not. We can in many instances not even judge them by their percieved actions, as actions can be faked and phony. A deed might be made to look like something good, while in reality being horrible. For instance, you have those helping others by giving them toxic vaccines. It looks like they are helping them to not get ill, while in reality they are doing the opposite. Fake angels send out "peace forces" that have the obligation to hold the peace in an area, but in reality they kill people. Things are not really always as we are made to believe, so it's hard to judge and therefore I think it's wise to only judge what you yourself know is true. If you know a person who's deliberatly wronged you, there is no reason you should not hold that person accounatable for the wrong. It upsets me alot when people think they have a right to judge you for doing that, when they themselves were not involved in the happenings, did not have any understanding of it, was not emotionally wounded by the betrayal. Nothing upsets me more then such meddling with others business as that. To go to a stranger and tell him he has no right to feel pain, nore to judge the person who deliberatly caused him pain, is also an act of malignancy. It's an act lacking empathy.

Why such an act upsets me is cause it's taking away the other person's human rights to be free to feel and judge how he sees things. That is your right in this game to know what you know and judge others by that. What you don't know is another matter, and many doing these judgemental acts to others don't know anything, but feel superior by putting judgement on people for feeling things. Done in a good way, a humble way, it might be helpful in some small way, but most of the times people meddling with others affairs are just busy bodies out for a good gossip, and totally lacking empathy so they see hurting people, and wish to cause more suffering by belittling the hurt. You see such people all over the place on the internet, and in real life. You tell them something and they immediatly believe they know it all and tell you off. That is actually a very vile behavior and something only much lower entities would do, while those doing this often believes themselves being highly evolved souls who need to steer others in the right direction. Like I said, nothing is black and white, so sometimes their cruel remarks can teach you something, but most of the time they only make you go off track for awhile, distracted by their out of context nastiness.

Again, I like to talk about the gifts as we've passed three new ones. The red one with an angel holding flower is made from a tutorial, and so is the white angel in the silver frame. However the white one did I find myself, as the original tutorial was a golden frame, so I made a silver variation using that pretty angel. The same goes for the two swans just above, as the frame is made from a tutorial, using a graphic of my own choice. I'm nearing the end of this blog so I will keep mentioning the rest of the gifts too, while I'm at it. The angel statue on what looks like a grave yard is totally from a tutorial, while the brown gift under that one was actually a background tutorial, but I made a gift of it, adding a frame and putting some more butterflies on the lower part too. I think that was the only changes I did, but it was a long time ago I made it. At the very end I put in a tagg of an angel and it's also made from a tutorial. On the site you will find many more angel graphics, like angel websets, adoptions, awards and much more. I only add the gifts to my blogs, but all my sites have loads of graphics I've made through the years. Since I started making websites more then 15 years ago there's alot and I have kept alot of the older stuff too.

This site is linked up with my Green World sites and then to my youngest son's site. That is the choice I made as I always looked upon him as an angel come to earth. It didn't take me long to notice that he was an empath and that he was not the kind who walked over others or smooth talked to get his way. He's always been very obsessed with truth and whenever he had a row with his siblings it was cause someone was not truthful. Emotions can make people feel things that clutter their memory, so in many cases I don't think the lie was deliberate, but due to emotional memory. Nowdays he never has these rows anymore as he figured out how to handle his little sister better, who's very emotional. Both my girls are really, so I've had to learn the same as my youngest son to be able to be with these girls. It's hard to be soft and sweet when someone is not making sense, wont speak to you, wont do what they are supposed to do and just feel so very sorry for themselves. It's annoying and it's hard to not get annoyed and to keep the calm and try to make someone who's totally blocking you out to stop doing that, as you need a reason to let them stay at home, or to do whatever they want to. It's very hard to be an angel when in this reality of confusion and dysfunctional communication. 

I've linked all my Blue Sky sites to my Green World, and each site is connected to one of the other. My personal queen site was connected to my home under the rainbows site, my children's elven site was connected to my loving moms site, my romantic nymph site was connected to my site to my oldest daughter, my enchanted king's site was connected to my site to my oldest son, and this peaceful angel site is now connected to the site to my youngest son. The next site I will write about is my merry fairy site and that one is connected to my site to my youngest daughter, and the last one of my blue sites is the genuine ladie's site and it's connected to my site about friends near my heart. I have only seven blue sites and eight green ones, so the last green site is not connected to any of these blue one. Which is well and fine as it's a site about pets and animals, and I fail to see how that could fit in with these fantasy sites, as it's normal animals and not any unicorns. If I had an eight site about fantasy animals like that I sure knew which sites to connect, however, but I don't. I do have sites with unicorns on them, but not a special main site about them. Unicorns pop up here and there on my blue sites as I do love horses and unicorns are extra pretty ones, just like the angel horses called pegasus.

When I write I seem to mix very boring information, like the one above, with some other things that might not be too boring. It's to not make it too exciting to read my stuff, as despite me writing I don't want malignant people to read it. Malignant people are stalking my sites as we speak and I've recieved some feedback to those still in mail contact with such nasty persons, passing on the same lies and accusation that my own sister made up in May 2013. She's still repeating the same accusations, word by word, and she's also added some new lies to it, framed with more things of her doings. I have since many years seized to ask myself why she does these things, as it's too far off for me to understand. How can an empath really understand how a person enjoying to harm others think? No, I could not. Everyone helping her to stalk my sites and harass me by defaming me to everyone - their own words that they do that, talk to everyone about me - are themselves equally guilty of cruelty and lack of empathy as she is. There is no reason for me to express my pain and sadness over what they've done, as I fully well know the followers don't care, and she enjoys my pain immensly. I did the same thing 15 years ago when I was harassed by some others, that I mixed in what I wanted to speak about with more ordain - boring - messages. I wish to speak the truth, but I don't want the morally disordered to find out all I'm saying, so I hide it in plain sight.

As you might have noticed I added to all my blogs a text making it out as all I'm writing is fictional. It's cause of their lies and smear I did that, as they are still lying about what I'm doing and to whom. If I write some memories from the past they can make it out as I'm smearing all the people I mention. That's how they do it - they take something totally innocent, perhaps even cute and nice, and pretend it's vile and hateful. Nobody will check up what they talk about as they wont share the source of what they are referring to. Now one of my sister's true believers, or rather accomplices as I believe he's totally in on this scam and attacks of me, wrote to the lawyer settling our estate that I was smearing him and his whole family, which is one wife and a son. Of course I've mentioned them in my blogs, but never by names so only as they occure in a memory. And if it's smear to say nice things about people I'm guilty, and I could had written what I said about both of them openly and with names and it would never been concidered smear. But I wrote it totally anonymously, or atleast it was supposed to be until this brother stalked and stalked until he found one of my blogs. I don't know if he's found this one yet, but I would not hold it against him.

Meanwhile, he's telling the lawyer settling our estate, and who's holding my economic interests, these lies. And our sister agrees with him! Of course she does, as she's the one starting to lie about me this way. The first proof I have of her defaming me is a mail she sent to our other brother, calling me mental. The next thing she does that is proof of her own smear of me, is when she spreads a private mail I sent to her, with loads of horrible accusations on top of it. One of her accusations already then was that I was harassing, bullying and smearing her! That's how these sociopaths always do it - they steal your emotions of being bullied and accuse the true victim of the very actions they are doing. Remember - my mail was to her, and she had already smeared me to a brother, which I didn't mention in my mail to her. I was dead kind, concidering she'd been lying about me for over a month at that time, making it out I was imagining things. I had a witness, she did not, and still she made everyone believe her! That is the power of the sociopath - people rather believe their lies, then listen to reason. It's all cause of the herd mentality, and if we don't brake that and reveal the predators for what they are, we are all doomed. If we are or not wont matter to me, as either way I was only here for a short visit. I will go back home from where I came from, and my hope is that some people got the game and was helped by me. If only one was, that was time well spent!

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry