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lördag 5 september 2015

Getting A Lawyer Involved Most Often Works For The Narcissists

This is something I wrote in March last year 2014, so it's old but I had it laying around and maturing. Most of it is about the reason we took in an outside lawyer. Alot of this is found in the blog "Spring Equinox". 

Me and my oldest brother - asked for an outsider to come in and settle the nest. We asked for an INDEPENDANT outsider, but what did the offspring who's taking after our mother do? She gets a personal lawyer to do it and he's been acting like the offical settler since Dec, behind the backs of us two who asked for a settler. Who has he been in contact with? The former settler, who is the reason we went to court, as it sure isn't us? The court had not made the final appointment, only suggested her choosen lawyer, which of course the higher court over ruled, and while in process no lawyer is yet officially appointed. When all the windows of possibilites are over, and you have lost (or won) your case the real settler is confirmed. He was appointed, but as I did go higher up the appointment didn't "come through" and he was so to speak "un-appointed" again more then a month ago. Not even during the inbetween period of Dec-Feb could he - without our knowledge - act as a the settler, but he did. He's the colleuge of the first choice the old settler had, and this colleuge of his went to uni with and worked for a year in the same lawfirm as the former settlers personal lawyer. Does not prove much, but she did tell the higher court that her own lawyer helped her find and contact the lawyer first appointed by the lower court on her proposal. 

So she's the one acting as the settler still, but by proxy through a lawyer, and she expects us to now not interfere at all and pay the bill? We asked for an independant settler, and of course we expect that settler to TALK TO US, as we know the situation and we are 50% owners of the estate. Still, he only works for 25% of the estate and will not speak to us, and he's been doing this for 4 months without telling us, as he was never legally finally ruled the settler, only appointed in a first ruling, which was challanged and I won the challenge. There is another lawyer now appointed, by the court. In four days it's too late to go against that ruling, and they need damn good excuses to do so, as they ignored my first excuse with the first lawyer, why I had to go higher up. The higher court even went further then I had asked them to, as I only wanted the court to tell my WHY they ignored my excuse for not wanting the first suggested lawfirm. The higher court both aknowledge that I was not against just one lawyer on that firm, but the whole firm, and also sent the case back and ordered the lower court to "do it again". That is, appoint a new lawyer. Apparently the bank has been for nearly 4 months concidering this "outsider", which neither of us asking for an outsider wanted, as representing us, giving him free access to the accounts. How is this possible? He was never finally appointed as his appointment got over ruled? You have to be finally acknowledged as the settler, and that can't happen as long as the case is in process. 

As long as someone is still processing the issue, they can't give him the right to use our accounts or do anything on our behalf. That is the most upsetting of it all. Us two, who had all the reasons in the world to go to court, are totally ignored and the person misconducting herself and telling wifetales behind our backs, ignoring facts and proper procedures, gets what she wants. That is her own lawyer, cause that is what he is - HER lawyer. Not ours, not all the 4 owners, but HERS, and HERS alone, since he not even one time, during these months, even bothered to contact either one of us. Who has he been in contact with? Who should a proper lawyer be in contact with, if not the two people who actually ASKED for a lawyer in the first place. The only input he's gotten so far is that this poor little girl has been over run by her nasty older brother and sister and he of course needs to help her. That is cause HER lawyer spoke to him directly and could give him her sweet nice little wifestale. She always tell the tale of victimhood, she's so sweet and loyal and honorable, and she's so very badly treated after ALL she has done. The typical sob-story. It's all not true. She's actually the typical coco-bird in a nest, working her whole life to marginalize and push out the 3 other children from the nest, one after the other. 

My second brother believes she's on his side, and he's so wrong. She's using mother to "handle" him, and mother has never been loyal to him. Mother thinks he's a dreamer with no abilities for real, but she likes to keep him happy and has an almost obsessed attitude to this very charming son of hers. He's been romanticing his mother ever since he moved over seas, believing her to be like the latino moms he knows there. She's not. She is weak and pathetic and she's totally under the influence of her new son-in-law and her youngest daughter. They are very dominant and aggressive, and she totally loves that, like a beaten dog asking for more. She moved in 2009 down to where they lived then, and within six months had they in secret bought an appartment in another town and moved. Mother was in chock and it took her 3 years to tell me how hurt she was that they did that to her, but she's still asking for more. I think she'll let them get all what she has when she goes as she's both told me and my oldest brother we'll get nothing from her. Still she's tried to bribe me with money if I only pretend that my sister has not done or said the horrible things she's done. Most things is just stuff she made in error, don't even think she knew it was wrong, but she still wont say so or admit to actually being wrong. 

But one thing she planned together with her new husband, as he was in on it, was that they planned it so I'd be made out to be the trouble maker by showing me a piece of paper which proved to me that all I've been told about a matter on the estate was a LIE. When I saw the paper I thought that I've been told things in good faith by mother about this issue, and that it was a mistake, not a lie. I thought that now as the paper was found the matter was settled, but instead my sister said she never ever has shown me such a paper, and her husband told me he'd have me arrested if I didn't stop talking about this paper. I'd hardly said much, but just me bringing it up in very straight words, swearing to them I had read the paper, made him FURIOUS with me. They started accusing me of ridiculous thing. They said I was threatening my sister, that I was going to shoot her, and even more abhorant accusations. It was awful, as all I had done was swearing an oath and telling her to do the same if she dared to, as oaths are karmically bound by natural law. She refused, of course, and mounted all her attack dogs against me instead, playing the poor victim behing attacked by a "crazy woman". So there was no use of saying anything more. I'd said what I had seen and read, clear and honestly, I had sworn on the event and the witness who saw me reading the paper had spoken out and told them all he had so. None of them cared one bit. 

Our second brother ignored my testimony, and he ignored his brother's. He even went so far as telling me I was lost when I though in terms of right or wrong, or if it was true and false, I don't really remember anymore. But he was talking shit, not making any sense what so ever. Before that he'd been ranting about behing honorable and true, and when he finds out it's not ME lying he starts talking about how all these things does not matter. So they only matter if I speak? But not if his dearest little sister speaks? I was the one spending all those years helping him out and being his friend, and this is how he repays me. He's so like one of those men, living for years with a devoted, loving woman, and then dumping her like a piece of shit for the first cheap tramp coming up with a big dollar smile. That is weak and pathetic, just like his dear old mama told me he was, when she tried to make me put my trust in my youngest sister. Mother promised me that she was honorable now, that she had changed and matured and that I could trust her. Mother was either lying to con me, or she honestly had been conned herself by my sister and her husband. Mother also had recieved all the threats from this husband, my brother-in-law, he made to me, as he himself made sure of that. Mother didn't support me and acutally wrote a mail and agreed with him that I must be the one lying. She knows I hate lies, she knows I honor good behavior, so her accusasions show atleast me that she never ever cared a damn thing about me. 

This is the way a mother treats her daughter who barely made it alive to this point? She's made it out like she cared, but she has in her actions so far proved she does not and if she ever did it's gone now. She's been running after my sister ever since 2009, which is the year she told me she didn't want to see my children anymore, as they were a drag to have over. As that is the same thing my father had told me a couple of years earlier and Id' told her a sillion times how terrible I thought that was of him to say, as a grandparent is supposed to love and long for their cute grandchildren, she knew I'd find her saying this aswell very disturbing. That is their total operandum - keep doing and saying things they know very well is very disturbing and insulting to you. And they always do it with a straight face, looking like innocent angels, and you are the devil if you look shocked and abhored. I could tell so many horrible little things like that, how they con you out of pets and even disobey rules that gets your pets killed, and they never ever regret any of their doings. There is no chance in hell any of their doings are honest mistakes, as you can't just happen to steal a pet, or happen to forget to pay a kitty you knew had a price, or happen to have a cat loose outdoors for weeks, daily, which you've promised to keep indoors all the time. You just can't claim that is a "mistake", but these people will not only do that, they will tell you none of these events ever happen, most likely, or they'll perhaps say that I agreed to all that and am lying. 

I've had my most precious collection of selfdesigned artprojects given away and was told I had agreed to that. I had no such thing, but what has anybody of these people ever cared? They never cared about anything I said. They only gone ahead and done their own shit, which always happened to end up in my face. So is it really ME that is odd not wanting anything to do with these hurtful people anymore? What have I done to deserve this from them? I will tell you my crime - my ONLY crime - I've tried to love them and make them happy the last 50 years or so. So, obviously I'm a horrible person. Like I said, people like this tell you sob-stories, so this might just be one of them, if it weren't for one fact. It's so damn long. They are telling their sob-stories in short, over-simplified fairytale words, lots of faked emotions and "concern" for the one they are lying about. They'll say "she's under pressure" and say something stupid that would be the said pressure. Or that "she is not feeling well" but not making it clear in what way, so the listening will think "well, that is no excuse to behave this sick way to her poor sister". I'm telling you, there is no chance in hell anyone who has listened to any of her sob-stories would ever hear a word I'm saying. She's turned my own godmother into one of her minions and she does not even like her that much. 

My godmother and I knew each other on a much deeper lever, I've even lived with her for a month, but she's very easily swayed with flattery and bribery, so she celebrated the winter festivities with my sister instead of with me, and she had mother living with her. That felt horrible, after all I've told her. She knows they've hurt me very badly, all about mother's abuse in my childhood, which she didn't seem bothered about at all when I told her. She knows about the paper I have read, and she knows the true facts and that what I've been told for +20 years is not true. She knows that what was in that paper is true, as she's told me that herself. Still, she physically sides with those who are not following these facts. I wanted to come and see her during the winter but could not bring myself to do it after she had spent time with them and their lies. I knew they'd once more convinced her that I was mentally ill, which they had done last summer, when she looked at me with pity in her eyes. It took me quite awhile to have her realize I was not mentally ill, like she's been told, but upset due to good reasons. There is nothing "mentally ill" about not liking lies and lies and more vicious lies. Some people claim it's normal to lie. I would say that people raised in pathological lying families think it's normal to lie. If you don't like lies, but people you wish to love lie you will start to believe the lie to be true, and that you are mistaken. 

When you can't lie to yourself anymore, cause you know it wasn't true, you will get upset. That is when the pathological liar will tell everyone you are "mentally ill". I've lived that plenty of enough times in my childhood, as mother and her favorite second son lied constantly. Also father went back on most of his promises, which is another form of lie. Neither of them concider their word something sacred. They could all say they'll give you something, or do something for you, as a promise, a matter of fact. And then either not do it or give it, or doing or giving something else, nothing like what I wanted. And always expecting me to be appreciative and happy to get anything. It was not like what they had promised was not available or they really tried to fullfill their promises, they just would not care. Mother seemed to care sometimes and I for most part of my life thought she atleast cared about how I felt for her, so this betrayal of her now is very deep. She's been teeling me for 2 decades about this matter, which the paper I was shown proved to be a lie. Again and again has she told me the same story, and it was just not true. If she was fooled, just like me and my oldest brother had been, she should had told me. She was fooled in 2009 when she moved down to my sister. She was fooled as they pretended they wanted her there, but told us behind her back she was a bother, and moved away as soon as possible. They fooled her and it took her 3 years to admit that to me, but now when, or rather if, they've fooled her in this too, she is still on their side. 

All my life I've been supporting her, comforting her, helping her, trying my hardest to love her despite of all the pain and misery she's cause me as a small child and teenager. And she has always turned on me. When I was very small she made up reasons for father to beat me up. She never had anyone beat up her second son, only me and the oldest son. She knew the truth, but still had us beat up for things we had not done, or in many cases, our brother had done. I forgave her for that, like my oldest brother did, though she never asked for forgiveness or regretted doing that to us. She could buy me a nice gift out of the blue, and in retrospective I think all those weird nice gifts I in only a few rare cases actually wanted, was kind of bribes symbolising a "forgive me". Now when she had sided against me she sent me several bribery attempts, instead of asking for our forgivness for lying about my husband (she rang people claiming my husband was the one threatening me, when she herself had recieved the mails where her other son-in-law did). Or telling me she was sorry she had called me a liar on my birthday, or not believing me when I swore I had read the paper and that all she had told me for 20+ years was a lie. She either has been behind this lie, to get my sister more then 1 million more then me, or she's been lied to aswell, and wont admit she's been that easily fooled. 

Since she did give my sister a painting, I now found out can be worth as much as a quarter of a million, or atleast about 100-200 K, while she did not even want me to have a jpg-file of a similar painting she also had, it's a very good indicator my mother is fully in on this. That indicates she has been plotting against me my whole life. When I barely survived to my 50th birthday she could not bring herself to give me 1 K for gravels to my garden, which I wished for. That or a magnolia tree of the little larger kinds, which would cost like 700-800. She ended up giving some old jewelry I didn't want at all, while giving her second son 15 K so he could send off his only son on a fun sailing camp for the summer. My children never recieved anything like that, but she will tell you she's "tried to", as my brother asked her to pay for the camp to one of my sons too, so he could "keep his son company". Neither of my sons have any interest in sailing, but neither of them cared, as long as they got their way. So mother could not give me a birthday gift that cost her one cent, after I barely survived to be 50, and still at this point we didn't know why I had become so ill, or if I was to live for long. But she could give my brother 15 K and also offered to pay another 15 K if one of my sons came with him to the camp. No costs spared there! She did say that full well knowing she did not have that money to spare, so my guess is that I would have had to pay for the camp myself.

Just like I had to pay for all the repairs of the car my brother over used so it was totally worn out when we got it back. The brakes were in misery and so forth, after he had driven it like 4-5 times the distance we thought he'd use it for. We'd bought it on borrowed money, without affording it as it was very short notice and it was a much more expensive car then we had planned to get. He paid the "rent", which was well enough, but that was for driving it normally,  but he drove it up in the mountains and much further then we'd been led to believe. The rent should had been twice that amount for such hard and long use. The end result has been repairs far exceeding his "rent", and we so far has not paid off the loan. I have refused to pay it as he conned my husband to buy it and my father-in-law to pay for it. But as I always in my life covered for my second brother's mistakes, both in physical beating as in money and tarnished reputations, I guess I will have to fix this mess of his aswell. He's never guilty of anything, and the same goes for his favorite sister. What has she done for him? Appart from acting like a hostess, pretending to sacrifiese herself for their benifite, I have no idea. I've been a hostess plenty of times, serving my brother's family good meals, but since nothing I do counts that is not the same thing. 

If I'd take down the moon for him and she buys a moon-globe for him, her effort would count and mine not. But he'll get burned him too as long as he plays her games. He tried to insult me and her on his wedding by putting us furthest away from the honerary table, down by the kitchen door where the small children sat. Both me and my sister got very hurt by that, but she got really upset and would not have it. As I had a small child with me I couldn't find any other seat, but she just dumped me and her little god-child, her niece and my daughter, at that table filled with spanish talking children and went and sat up at the honorary table. That is how selfish and cruel she is. She told me I was weak and pathetic for not following her lead, while I knew there was no chance both her, me and my little girl could all fit in as that table was filled already with others, not even relatives most of them. Some were really rich though. 7 years before I had married, and 2 years before my sister had married, and our brother had been seated at our honorary tables. So yes, he can forget that she'll have any mercy on him, as she never ever forgive or forget an insult. She'll just wait until it's only them two left and she'll go for his throat. Not that I really pity him, but I much rather would have had them being like my oldest brother, which is HUMAN. 

I don't care about the honoray table,  I care more about my sister abondoning me as it was a rare occation for me to bond with her again. We did sleep in the same room, but talking over a diner is another business. We could had laghed and joked and not cared about the table, but all she cared about was the disrespect from her brother putting her there. She felt I rather deserved it, as I didn't care that much. I felt she betrayed me when she left that table, and I have felt that way about many things she and this brother have done. There is no chance in hell my sister does not know what she does, she just does not feel the way I do about it. When I feel betrayal, she feels entitled and strong for leaving me behind. To her it's a game and she wants to be the biggest coco-bird in the nest. As she still has our mother on her side, she will get help to achieve this. Like I said am I sure, as mother has told us this, that me and my oldest brother's families will not get a cent from her when she goes, so it will be up to which one of the remaining two who'll end up on the last dung hill. Metaphorically speaking. 

I did bless a cousin and put a spell on her partner to get him out of her home as I felt he was sucking out her life energy. Shortly after she tossed him out and I was so proud of her, and ever since she is in herself and not what he wanted her to be. She's perfect just like she is, not like he wanted her to be. He was a bully and he had crossed me and pushed his will on me, which is why I put the spell on him to start with. I never take lightly on people doing that, but rarely use my gift as it can be very detrimental when used wrongly. I've never ever accounted one spell not working that was correctly made. Spells must be made in a correct manner, with rightful reasons, and in a special mood or feeling. Not done so they lack substanance. Done so they can be leathal even. They can be fullfilled down to small details, when done correctly. That is the gift. I do not use the black gift of controlling others minds, which my sister uses. It's black magic and will eventually cost you dearly to use. You should never ever use magick to try and control other people against their will, or harm innocent people who love you. If you hurt those loving you, caring for you, with your powers you are in great and severe danger yourself. The one using her gift for that will not like were she is going. 

In my dreams I've been to that place and I tell my sister she will not like that place, but that is where she is going. She has choosen the path of lesser magick, the lower forms of magick, which is the demonic powers from the abyss. It's thrilling and makes the user get a high, as you gain fame, fortune and success, but at the price of having to pay more of your soul. At the lower realms less of yourself remains, and even at this level we hardly have anything left, so imagine having even less. The less soul you have, the harder to figure out how to come back home. Only those knowing the way home can go home after death without having to regain more and more of their souls. Those of us knowing will go home, straight out, if we so wish, or gain more soul and start a new, better life with more possibilities. That is what New Agers call ascension, the gaining of more soul as with a sufficent enough soul our whole reality would change into something much more wonderful. It's all about how much soul we have access to. When we were downloaded into this reality we had to leave almost all of our soul behind, you see. Only a speck is here, so how come some wish to deminish that and use powers to hurt the innocent? 

Cause they are fooled by the game this will make them win. It's just a con, as a good game will try to lure you with false promises and hope. Stay authentic, loving, honest, true and whatever you do try to not hurt anyone just for the fun of it. Spells to teach others, or help others, or what I call Karmic spells are fine, but never ever to do harm to the innocent who love you. That is why no contact with my sister is so important, as she did that. She used her magick powers to hurt me, and she thought she got rid of me and won, but what she did was loose my love, the most precious gift she had as her biological mother is unable to love anyone. My family in a few words: 11 yrs after their Golden Boy were selected as special they selected their Golden Girl. I was 8 and mother was pregnant when she told me this new baby she was carrying was "special", not like me who was dirty, unworthy. Then she used me as a free babysitter from get go. Everything my sister did was on me, as the caretaker. Just like her Golden Boy could shift all he did onto the older brother, or onto me. We were taught to respect and admire everything he did, without questioning anything he said. The sister we had to help and sympathize with, no matter what. Neither of them needed to do the same to us. 

It is too hurtful to be around these people as they are so entitled and aggressive and they have so many believing in this reality to support them you start to think you deserve to be treated like this. You swallow your pain and keep going, as almost every accounter ends in tears and weeks of recovery. Working on acheiving No Contact, hopefully also acheive no secondary contact from their admires and supporters. There are elderly relatives which is heartbreaking to never contact, some seem to think I'm somewhat a "bad person" despite of all the proof not. The "truth" most often told is the one believed. No matter what lie it is. It used to make me want to scream when I was a teen, and I did cry alot in my bed. Once I tried to warn my aunts about sis, but was told I was being nasty when I told them she was not all "good" as they proclaimed. It was just after she had deliberatly killed a kitty belonging to one the aunts, so I was very upset as noone seemed to care. Of course, what I didn't realize at that time was that everyone rather believed it was a "mistake", and nothing I hinted at or said would make them think otherwise. I knew it was not - for a fact - as I was her "Guardian" and had watched her try to kill the kitty many times, stopping her myself, until she succeeded. 

They all blamed the family dog, which mother bought for her Golden Boy, but he grew tired of and "gave" to me. Everyone always called that dog my dog and blamed me for things the dog did, though they themselves caused it. How convenient to give the dog to the caring child and put all responibility on her. I was not an adult and the dog was not signed to me, but I did take care of her cause I love animals. My care made me guilty for the kitty's death, as they blamed the dog for what happened, though it was the Golden Girl who deliberatly gave the small kitty to the chained dog to bite. I can still feel the nausseating illness of this event, the total helplessness, the panic over not being able to stop her, or not being able to make anyone listen to me. I told them they should not let her borrow the kitty, but noone listened. And I was watching her like a hawk while she had the kitty, but had to go away for a couple of minutes and told her to stay put and NOT go anywhere near the dog. Of course she ran straight up to the dog and gave her the kitty as soon as I was out of sight. And then it was the dog's fault for being nasty. It was my fault for having such a nasty dog, and so on. 

At this time I was already fully aware she was not right emotionally, but noone else seemed to have got that. She's totally materialistic, superficial, selfish, cruel, but have a facade of an altruistic, caring, responsible persona now in her 40's. As a young child she looked very ordinary and never screamed or acted out, very calm and selfassure, Always getting anything she wanted without any effort, everyone cared for her and took care of her. I'd say she had a good childhood, but in her stories today she is the victim of a cold and harsh childhood. My family in a few words - 11 years after their Golden Boy was selected as special they selected their Golden Girl. I was 8 and mother was pregnant when she told me this new baby she was carrying was "special", not like me who was dirty, unworthy. That's why I feel it like they were "selected" perhaps even before their births. Which children she choosed to pamper fits well with her own birth families dynamics, which is very curious. She was the 2nd child and was never beaten by the parents, while the 1st and 3rd were beaten. This she then repeated with her own children. My baby sis was the forth child. Mothers baby brother (4th) had been very ill and pampered as a child, with a mother who adored him. 

Mother was always very fixated with her birth family, with a tight bond with her mother, still she claims her birth family always was hostile towards her, which I have no memory of. At all. Granny used to believe anything mother said about us children, however insane it was, and came to visit alot. I never saw granny show any hostility towards her ever. They seemed to have a good relationship, mother and grandmother. Mother also claims father was abusive towards her and acting like an old time patriarc with an old time view of women. Which also is very odd, since he did all the housework, cleaned, cooked, washed, dishes, and so on. He also took most part in our upbringing, as she was very absent. To me he was always the enabling father believing all lies she said about others, including me. She made him beat me for no reason I can think of as I have no memory ever doing on purpose something to upset them. The oldest brother even remember being beaten for something the Golden Boy had done when "everyone" knew it was so. Very upsetting for him, he told me. And rightfully so. The beating was not a one off, as I remember them as "business as usual" when I was very small. We both mostly blocked any more memories of such things.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

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