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torsdag 9 april 2015

Don't Blame Yourself

This is another blog by Linda: http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/dont-blame-yourself-for-your-narcissistic-parents-6/

My comment: I thought this was a very good, though short, blog post by Linda. It's like this - narcissists use others as either garbage bins into whom they toss all their own filth. Or they use others as extensions of themselves, so they lavish them with special gifts and projected abilities. Sometimes they change who they belittle and who they uplift, but mostly they will keep their old times garbage bins and extensions. Most common is that a woman chooses a daughter, who looks or behaves like themselves in some way, as their extension, and a man chooses a son in a similar manner. This might be the reason some narcissists actually get alot of children, while they don't like to take care of them? My mother didn't get it right until her forth child, whom she proclaimed was a "special child" and "nothing like" I was, who was "filthy". Here is the blog post - I have more comments under the post:

Don’t Blame Yourself for Your Narcissistic Parents

Some victims of narcissistic parents -- mother or father or both, blame themselves for not being perfect. They live the guilt of not meeting their parents' expectations. These demands on the part of narcissistic parents are delusional. Even if you had reached perfection by their standards it would never have satisfied them. As the child of a narcissistic mother or father you remember that making your greatest efforts to satisfy their expectations of your perfection was never enough. You were criticized, demeaned and humiliated. Even when you had straight A's in school they chided you for not participating in enough extracurricular activities or being a loner. You were not social and popular -- another failure from their deluded perspective. The invented ways of pulling you down when you needed acceptance and support. This was the result of your parent(s) psychopathology as a narcissist personality. It had and does not represent your true nature. 

Even if that person claims you have to as you're their child.
Many victims of narcissistic parents are by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness as a result of innumerable verbal assaults on them as children and adults. Some of these adult children make the decision to sever their relationship from the narcissistic parent. They cannot and will no longer tolerate this level of verbal abuse and the collusion of their parent(s) with other relatives to ruin your reputation. 

You have a unique individual life that belongs to you -- many talents and gifts that you can use to enrich your life. You have opportunities for loving relationships with those who will care deeply about you and love you for yourself. Think about this; you can be free. You are not defined by your family of origin but by your unique true self. Learn to appreciate your true nature and to calm the young child's heart inside by doing a practice of some form of quieting the mind through guided meditation, simple yoga with emphasis on breathing through the nose to activate the calming part of the nervous system. Get your creativity going with music that you love, art in any form, dance, singing, spontaneous writing, finding ways to be with Nature in so small way each day.

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

My comments: Remember that most narcissists don't go around and insult everyone as that would be quite stupid to do. If you openly insult everyone you might end up alone pretty fast, so most narcissists are wise enough to choose someone to insult and belittle and make others join them in this crime. Hence they are the typical bully and it does not matter if this bully is a class mate or a mother, it's the same kind of trick. Actually, this is much worse when done by a parent then a class mate. A parent you have from birth and a long time. In most cases until you are middle aged yourself and a parent to teenagers. Class mates come and go. Still, it's widely accepted that there are bullies in schools and even bullies on work places, but it's not accepted that there are mothers who bully their children into suicide, depression and a ruined life of all sorts. Remember that you form a child's brain the first years of the child's life, so when you give no love you will make that child into a person who don't believe them to be loveable. If you abuse the child, verbally, mentally or even in other ways, you will teach them they deserve this treatment. 

Sometimes they are too obvious those narcissists.
This is the reason only the children of the more ridiculous narcissists are able to see through the deception, as they will be supported by other people that their parent is crazy. Many narcissists do not behave crazy so others notice it and are very devious in how they abuse and whom. These narcissists are very controlling of the minds of their offspring, even if they fail to look after their day to day care. They will however own the children's minds, while ignoring their needs and wishes. There is alot to work with if you get into the minds of children and make some feel inferior, by using mental put downs and physical punishment, and treat others as superior, by letting them avoid all responsibility for any of their own doings, and put alot of exaggerated focus on all their little whims. This is a society in miniature, with kings, queens and royalty, who can rule and torment the peasants and slaves. So the mind control is working in the way that some are taught they are glorious and entitled, just because they are, and that others are living only for serving them. 

This illusion, this brainwashing, that this mind control creates will make the "choosen ones" to project all these fantasies to the outside world, so despite this only being the delusions of their narcissistic parent/s these children will grew up making all sorts of people admire them, like they were these royalties. So when you, as a target of this parents neglect and meaness, later in life come to a point that you want to be fairly treated - when you have taught yourself that you are a beautiful being, a fantastic human, and so much better and hardworking then your lazy, drinking, whoring choosen sibling/s - this is when you will try to stand up for yourself and your children, the time when you might have to bring in outside legal assistance as these now full blown narcissistic siblings have decided that they had special rights to your parents money, estate or whatever. So you bring in legal help and that's when you find out that your choosen siblings don't have to follow the law. Only you are! Actually, you find out that you have no rights, as the lawyer is totally smithen with your lying sister/brother.

There is too little love to go around in such a family.
If your narcissistic parent is still alive, like mine is, and the parents were divorced before one of them left this realm, you will also notice that the narcissistic parent is working hard to make it true that the choosen adult children get more. They will do that by lying. Alot of lying. Mine lied that she was still married in 1996 with our father and that she then knew all his wants at that time. She lied about all his factual statements, which she had phoned and told me about, again and again for years at end. I can't remember how many times she complained that dad would NOT give her favorites what she demanded he'd give them. She said to me every time that he was crazy, deluded, demented, or whatever defamations she could come up with. She was raging about him being declared unfit for years and years before he actually became so ill he might had needed help. Which was only the last year of his life, to be truthful. Still, that would had been very cruel to do, as he was a proud man and his pride was that he could take care of himself, and that he was NOT in a wheel chair.

So, remember that about the wheel chair. It was one of the last things my father said to me in his life, that he was atleast not sitting in a wheel chair, like a really sick old man. That was only hours before he died, and he mocked a man in a wheel chair and took pride that he atleast could still stand on his feet. What ailed the other man I have no knowledge of, but I'm pretty sure he outlived my father with more then days. But the main point here is the wheel chair, as shortly after he died the narcissist brother bragged that he had met our father in a dream and that father was sitting in a - yes, that's right - a wheel chair! And our brother bragged that father had hugged him. If that man our brother met in his dream was sitting in a wheel chair I can ensure you - he DID NOT meet our father. Whomever he met it was not our father he met, but his own wish his father would had been. Weak, handicapped and loving his son most of all children. When truth is none of that, if I should be honest. Yes, father was enchanted by our brother from the very earliest times. But who fooled dad to love this boy so much? If you ask me someone did.

The sooner you drop these life sucker the better for you.
Remember this other thing, that to make father see this boy as a better boy then the first born, mother used to tease the older brother till he was in tears. She used to frame him for deeds, alot of which his little brother was guilty of, and convince father it was the only right thing to do, to physically punish the boy. Imagine how that feels for a child, to be beaten for something his brother has done, or for made up things. I don't remember ever she had him punished for torturing me, so he still to this day don't remember all the times he ran out in rage and throw himself over little me. I also clearly remember that the younger brother never got punished, whatever he did. Also, he was way too smart to act out so he'd look bad. Both him and his much younger sister instead used to do nasty things and afterwards pretend to be totally innocent, while letting their older brother or sister get all the blame. That was perhaps the hardest thing to get a grip of that they did not care that their deeds were framed onto their innocent siblings and it's the very thing I've found hardest to believe they did on purpose. I rather believed it was due to our mother being crazy.

Atlast I've totally realized that it's not only mother being this way, and that it's not crazy, as crazy people don't know what they are doing, but narcissists know very well what they do. They just don't want to take the responsibility for what they do, so they deliberatly frame others. And they do it so well cause they at the same time put alot of energy into charming other people into adoring them, so whenever people have to decide who to punish, they rather choose the innocent non-narcissist whom they don't care about, then the very guilty narcissist, whom they are totally adoring. This is what our father was guilty of - totally adoring narcissists. He didn't only adore our narcissistic sibling, and very early on our mother, but later in life he adored several other narcissists so much he hurt his own children and grandchildren - alot. Not just a little, but alot. One time in 1998 we hadn't seen him for a year and I was so sad and cried when up in the mountains in the north with my husband's family. I begged that we would go and see father, despite us not having any money. I wanted father to see my three adorable children, then 1, 3 and 7 years old.

Honesty is the worst thing ever to a narcissist.
So my husband drove all the way from the mountains up by Lofoten, down to the suthern parts of Sweden, which are very far, to visit my father. When we came he totally ignored us and every day, every evening he made arrangements to go and visit this charming russian woman, who was married to a rich handicapped german guy. It was obvious father was smithen by her, and during all the five days we were there we hardly saw him. After a couple of days we spoke about what to do to make him spend some time with us, and our 7 year old got a brilliant idea - all by herself. She took her baby brothers with her out and picked some flowers she found in the lawn, as she knew not to pick any from the flower beds. She was very careful they only took those in the lawn, and not everyone, only a few. And she and her little cute brothers came into the kitchen, before father vanished again, and reached out to him with the flowers. They were so adorable I almost cried when I saw their effort to make their grandfather noticing them. What did he do? He raged at them for picking his flowers in his lawn. That was all that mattered to him. In his world we were only a nuicance, and my children were crap.

That is one event that was very eye opening to me, as I like to picture my father as a good guy, but he was not a good person as no good person would speak that way to his grandchildren. He was abusing them, and he was abusing me. And I still believe that he did that cause he was brainwashed into believing that I was unworthy, so my children were unworthy, and the only person ever telling me how unworthy I am is my mother. She has also said two other things. She's said that also father and the oldest brother are unworthy, and she's said that me and the oldest brother are like our father. So there you have it. Father was brainwashed that the children like himself were lesser then those like his wife, though she never told him that she thought us were like him. No, to him she let him believe her favorite son was like him, as father often spoke about that. He'd not like it atall if he'd been likened to his oldest son and even on his death bed he ignored photos of this son. At every photo of his second son he'd stop and remark who that was. When I pointed at his first born he just moved on, like it did not matter. This same patterns repeated with us girls.

Narcissists control the crowd so it's better to be alone.
However, these were very old photos from back before all the turmoil occured in 2005 and forward. And he only recognized my sister by her birth name and not the name she stole for herself. She stole father's mothers name, believe it or not. It was a name she knew I'd intended for my first born, but she took it as soon as she could after she found out. It was also important to me as I had noone when I grew up, except an imaginary mother figure I pictured to be the spirit of our grandmother. I was so sure she was there for real, as I could feel her arms around me and all the right words said to me inside of my head, whenever I was sad. I might just had made it up, but it made me happy and it made me feel loved. I later on said the very same things to my sister, as our mother is a spiteful being, despite her valuing her favorites more. She's still toxic to all her children, she just lets them tread on her in manners she'd never allow us two others to do. Mother knew full well that I was the sensitive one, and that's why. There is no meaning in insulting and walking over the minds of the insensitive ones, as that would not harm them.

So, back to the wheel chair dream there is an important point in that dream as this brother claims not only that he was the most loved child, but that he also was the one loving his father the most. If that is true one can wonder why he dreamt that father was in a wheel chair. In my opinion it shows that he wanted father to be weak and in need, more then strong and healthy. Whenever I've dreamt of father, in my whole life, he's been working on his farm, building on houses and he's never been weak and in wheel chairs. At the end I dreamt that he was weak in his mind, and would not come to my support when I was tossed out of the farm by strangers. I yelled at dad to tell them that I was his daughter, and he wouldn't. I then stood infront of my father and told him everything that he'd done in my life that had hurt my feelings deeply. It was a long list and it felt very good to have told him. Shortly after that dream I told mother about one thing I'd mentioned to father. The thing was that I was very hurt he never got in touch when I was in hospital and had blood transfusion as I was in such a poor condition. That hurt alot, although I thought he might be too demented to understand.

Narcissists don't want people to like you.
Later on I found out that he was never told about this by mother, but that was after he was dead. Either he was never told, or he didn't care. But since mother hadn't told my aunt, who lived next door to dad at that time, I am pretty sure mother never told any of them. However, when I told mother about that dream, and how hurt I was that father never bothered to contact me and show some concern for my health, she just brushed it off like that was just him being him. Really? How can it be him being him when he was NEVER told? She lied to me, and when I found out she'd lied I'd already a couple of months before found out that so had mother and my sister lied to my brother-in-law. They'd not told him either, and after I told him myself my sister lied to him that she never heard anything about me being so ill. All lies. She knew I had had blood transfusions, she knew I spent two weeks at hospital and that I was very ill indeed. She just didn't want her husband to know, either that she knew or that I was ill. After I had told him and she lied to him he behaved very rude to me, and later on I realized that he must had been told something else weird about me. Why else being so rude to your sister-in-law who just spilled her guts for you?

In my belief now my sister told him something of the kind that I was a person who "over exaggerated things to make myself look important". I found this belief on things I've heard from others that narcissists tend to belittle your predicaments and make themselves look better. Narcissists will lie about your level of education, your achievments, and they will ignore your health, unless they can twist it so you look crazy or demented, just like mother did with dad. In this way they can make people who actually do like each other, start to dislike one another. This is what I think happened to my father, as he used to like me and then he started to dislike me. That or he was just a smuck. I remember that it was about when I was 12 years old that my father started to show grave signs of disliking me. He looked upon me like I was the most ugly person in the world and it made me feel like filth. Remember that mother had told me when I was 8½ that I was filth, but at that time father adored me. Now, just a few years later he had started to see how filthy and unworthy I was and it was all written in his face and his eyes. And then, many years later, he looked with the same twisted view upon my sweet little children.

When you are honest you will become lonely.
If there is something I agree upon it is that narcissists are enchanters. They charm people, seduce them, by acting so lovingly, needy and always taking over all social settings. Everyone is occupied in watching the narcissist and noone watches the non-narcissist. If you are very energetic, pretty, lively, you will not be liked by the narcissist, as you steal their spotlight. I've made that blunder a few time, when in a wonderful mood and feeling full of confidence. Unfortunatly such surges of energy only last short whiles with me as they are always followed by a narc-attack. And those attacks take all light out of my life. That is why I claim these people actually strive towards making their targets commit suicide, either by failing in health due to a collapsing energy around themselves, or by their own hands. Either way I will reveal to you that the narcissist will make your death all about them. They will create a big funeral, like my sister did for father and I didn't have the energy to argue about as you cannot argue with narcissists or you will be made feel cheap, not loving, caring, or whatever crap they slam in your face in the hopes it will hurt your feelings. Fathers funeral was alright, but way too big for my taste. So many was there I didn't want to see even, like the narcissist from 1998.

To a narcissist a funeral is a perfect event for them to show off themselves and shine. If it's a close person that has died it's the best, as they don't want to waste time on others. They want to be in the center, so remember that narcissists often skip the funerals where others are the most in mourning. The closer the person dying is to them, the better. A child is the ultimate price for a narcissist, so it's pretty scary when a young person has died, and you do wonder if they had a narcissistic parent who made their life a living hell, behind the scene. I know young people who killed themselves, so it's a question that have haunted me since I found out about the reality of narcissism. I knew how I felt growing up, but I thought I was all alone in this world feeling this way, but then I hear so many live this way behind close doors. So many are tormented, not loved, by their own parents, their own mothers, siblings, relatives. No love is not a rare thing, but a common thing. So many are not loved in this world and only a narcissist, choosen since birth to be special, would claim there is enough love in this world. What a sick joke when you've seen yourself there are only love enough for a few.

Narcissists are the poorest of all people.
After the funeral, or often even long before like in my family, the narcissists starts to go through the leftovers and make out calculations so they will not be cheated out of their "rights". I think there is a difference here between different kinds of narcissists, as some will be too occupied in their loss of the parent that fed them so much of adoration in their lives, while others will not care about that as they might had burnt that ship long ago, due to their open greed and depraved living. So some might be very cold and calculating during the death and mourning of a parent, and others might be totally all over the place making alot of demands and trying to make the others in the family believe they are the rightful heir. That is exactly what our narcissistic brother did after our father died. He claimed he was more son to our father then his older brother was, that he loved father more and all that. Then he came up with that dream where father was in a wheel chair hugging him. That was most likely true, as this brother only lies when he feels he's entitled to, and when he's decided who's good and who's bad he will never change his mind. He decided that long ago, as he saw that father withdraw his love from me, so did my closest brother. From thereon I was worth piss.

So this narcissistic brother from then on has imagined that it's his youngest sister that is the good one, without a shred of evidence of this. No amount of testimonies, witnesses, paper proof will change his mind on this. This I'm painfully aware of as he's now been plowing throw his family of birth and ruined both relationships with the two siblings he grew up with. Remember that our sister was raised by me, not by our brothers. She was just a little girl when the brothers moved out of the home, while I stayed many years, until she was a teenager. And still I was shocked to hear from dad what a bitch she evolved into, but he knew and that was why he was not enchanted by her the same way he used to be, when she had her original name and was just a little girl. She did try and change her name to his beloved mothers name, and that helped alot for many years. Father loved that one of his daughters was now called by his mothers name and alot of her qualities where now ascribed to my sister. Well, she'd been glorified long before that, but then her terrible teens happened, so she needed a good PR-boost. All the while I kept away alot as I really didn't like too much to be around my family. There was always something that upset me, and all those years I thought it was my fault I felt this way.

The sooner the better as they suck the life out of you.
Now I know this is how people feel when in close proximity to toxic people, who lie behind your back and treat you bad. That was why I did not feel well after seeing them, as every time they did something nasty, a comment, or whatever. Like I said about our visit in 1998, which ought to have been wonderful, had it not been for that selfish, russian narcissist. A normal person should had told father to be with his grandchildren, or even invited us to hers aswell. I've never accountered someone not doing that when we visited father, and he was invited somewhere, that we were left out. And he still went to see her! That reminds me of something my narcissistic brother told my narcissistic sister. He scolded her for not bringing mother along, when she was on a three weeks visit she'd decided herself, without asking our sister about beforehand. I bet that as much as our brother thought this sister was selfish for not bringing mother along, he thought me selfish for thinking that father should had spent time with us and not that russian bitch. I bet he would think that it was my fault and that I should had stood up for myself. That's always what they tell me after they've behaved neglectful and unfairly towards me.

The funny thing is that if I'd stood up for myself and said something, they'd instead hold that against me, as there is a typical pattern of no-win-situations when you deal with narcissists. Another thing is that all the while this brother scolded his baby sister for neglecting her mother, he himself used to promise our father a visit, and then only be there for a few days and the rest of the stay not be there. How can it be a three week visit, when you are out traveling for most of the time? This was modus operandi with this brother, but to the lawyer he'd claimed he was there all the time - alot. He's said that he used to live on father's farm, that he used to take care of the farm together with his dad, and so on. All lies. He's said that he, himself, built a little house to live in on the farm. Still, the aunt living on the farm, next door, claims father built that house. Even the rent agreement states that father built the house and our brother only fixed the interior. Our brother officially was having father's farm as his address, AFTER he moved to the States. He wasn't actually living on the farm, as he was in the US. And the helping with the farm was nothing else then little things they did when on vacation once every second years. Remember that his older brother lived here in our country all the time, with his children, and they visited every year the farm and helped out.

They enchant and use black magic I'm sure.
So, you see how they turn and twist things. My sister had the lawyer so smithen, just like father was smithen by that russian charmer, so he told me that my sister "needed another summer house, as the one by the sea, was not enough for her, and she'd been so much on the farm she felt so very connected to it, that it would not be nice to not let her have the house". Hello?!?! This is a lawyer who's supposed to look after all our rights, and he talks like this. Totally nonsens. Then he also lied to me and the oldest brother and quoted a law that is for the living, but applied it to the dead. Only a WILL is legal in a death estate, but he claimed that ORAL agreements were legally binding when one of the so called makers of this agreement was dead. I told him again and again that this was not true, as then you can make up any shit when someone has died. He kept lying to me, no matter how much evidence I showed him that he was wrong about the law. He got really annoyed at me as this was not the only lie I'd caught him in. Like I said he claimed my sister had a right to a house, just cause she needed it - emotionally. What rubbish! She claims what ever she needs to claim to get what she wants, to prove how much more worth she is then me. Nothing else.

And she had to have it her ways, as she'd been lying so long about her getting that freaking house for nothing, back in the early 90's, and if she'd shown everyone the truth - like she'd shown me - everyone would know she'd lied all this time. Not that mother and the rest of the narcissists would care, but some HONEST people might have cared. So the lawyer was trying to help her out by making me obey this agreement, without her having to show it to me, as the lawyer now claimed it was still binding - despite it not being a will, and not being found. He even went so far as telling me that the agreement I had seen was NOT legal, but an ORAL version of it was. How utterly ridiculous! And he stated that our sister wish to have a house was enough reason for her to have it, and we could not oppose his decision, while our oldest brother was not even allowed to mention the work he'd done on the farm, without solid proof. So our narcissistic siblings could make up fancy fairytales how loved they were by our father, the only children of his, and how much more they deserved this and that, while us two actually resembling him morally and physically somewhat, who'd actually worked hard in our lives and helped out father alot, we had no rights at all.

Eat the lying lawyer's face is my dream come true.
In the end the lawyer decided that as the narcissists where the true children they were to have the main part of the farm. And our sister's real estate agent, whom I had told the lawyer I did NOT want him to use, but that he lied and said I never had said to him to not use - I have mail proof, moron-lawyer - he lowered all the values on their part as much as he could. At the same time he lied straight to our faces that there were so much forest on the small part we got, that it was all forest ready to shop off. All lies. I've checked that the truth is that there is no forest ready to be shopped off in that part, no matter what liars tell me, that is what the map says that the forest-guy made. So, did the forest guy lie? No, I doubt it. There might be one odd tree here and there ready to cut down, but the agent said the whole place was all mature forest for 1.5 million. The lawyer decided that our narcissists would give us 250 K each, and then they'd keep the rest of the farm, with all the mature forest on, all the farmlands and all the buildings. The agent had valued all that to less then 3 millions. My estamation is that it might be worth as much, but that the major con was to frame us with a piece of worthless swampland worth less then 1 million. 

Remember that father let both of these narcissists use houses, like their own almost, for years. The brother's little house was more a storage then a house and it was nobody else but him who used it for those 11 years it was there, until father died. The lawyer claimed these agreements they said they had with dad when he was alive, which they both lied about the content of by the way, still were binding after fathers death. So by that saying that our brother and sister both owed the value of this "gift" when father was alive and also the now 2½ years he's been dead. All together that ends up with alot of money they've recieved, none of us others never seen any of. Money is not always coins or digits on a computer, sometimes it's values. So if I cut their "rent" to half what others have to pay here, I came up with our sister getting more then 600 K, due to this cottage she claims she's had soley right to. And that only up till 2012. The number is only a bit over 200 K for the brother, though he seems to have gotten more actually money from dad. Compare this to the oldest brother "gifts", they both so much envy him for, he still falls short with like 200 K less then his brother, as to be truthful they'd recieved equally gifts by dad, only the narcissists hid all his as good as he could and the lawyer helped him.

That is why the narcissists fuck so much with your mind.
When we look at my gifts from father one can compare the fairy worlds of our narcissist mother to the lawyer, and the numbers the lawyer came up with to what all my siblings actually have recieved. That's when you can clearly see the utter evilness of our mother. You see, she knows all the troubles I've seen in my life. She knows how hard it's been, despite how hard I've always worked. She knows I hard I tried to get my four children, the miscarriages and how I had to take care of them mostly by myself, as my husband had to work and study to try to make us survive. Since I was raised to care for others I also put his needs before mine, so of course I took care of the children so he could fullfill his dreams. Mother knows all of this and after we'd suffered through severe economic depression and my husband was just finished with his new education and had a new job, guess what her advice was, now when the sun finally might shine on me? To divorce him and go haunting some lunatic narcissist that had hurt our family, just cause I could not get over how horrible he'd behaved. I told her that it would be the most insane thing to do, as he was a very hateful and horrible person, who hurt us all alot with his lies and deceptions. No matter what happens, it's hurtful when someone lies to you and try to take advantage of others feelings for them.

So that was how she "helped" me back then, and now she lies to the lawyer and says that I got far more in gifts then her precious daughter. That everyone else got a car from our father, but her. The truth is that it was the oldest son that never got a car, and that father had already helped his narcissists to get the cars of their own choices, before I got mine. So on the advice of my narcissistic brother he decided to give me the car my brother thought I should have. Not the car we needed, or wanted, but the car they decided. I was told by father that either I took that car or I'd not get anything. Not much of a choice when we really needed a new car as I was pregnant with our fourth child and we only had a little Manhattan, that was still running. The car this brother had been given was then sold back to father at a very high amount, then father gave the car to the oldest son, and now the narcissists wanted him to pay the same ridiculous amount father paid for the car. That's how they do things. The car I got had a manufacturing fault, which showed very early, so I didn't use it that much as it was impossible to steer with my arms. I got really bad pains in my body in 2003, after I'd helped my sister move, which only got better recently, but it's always there still. So after father died I finally could fix the problem with the car. That's the car I'm supposed to be so envied of, a car they all know I was forced to take and which was not working properly.

Never forget that you are innocent if they did it all.
When a car has this kind of fault it is impossible to sell a car. And remember it was my narcissistic brother who made father convinced this was the car for me, and that I was too stupid to know what I needed myself. At that time it would cost 16 K to repair it, as it was hard to find spare parts to a new car. We had to buy it from the manifacturer down in Germany. We even had a german reporter we know on the case and he talked to the manifacturer down there, but it did not help. We were stuck with a new car that wasn't possible to drive properly and due to that we always had a second car. There was no value in this car that I'd gotten and it comprises about 60% of all gifts I've ever recieved from where we started the counting in the beginning of the 90's. Adding this car to my pot I still have recieved less then ½ of what the value of my sister having this house is. Since she has been taking papers from the estate the weekend after father died, we don't really know the exact amount she's recieved in gifts. And the lawyer has refused to check with the bank, as his number was not higher then the ones we'd come up with, when we checked her figures. We did find alot more she'd missed, but we still suspect there might had been more.

Either way, forgetting about how she was there taking papers, like the agreement on the house she wants, she's gotten far more then me if we add all together. With the rent she's gotten like 1 million atleast and I've atmost gotten 300 K. The spoiled brother has gotten more then 700 K, if we give him a really low rent on the building he has his stuff in and let him pay some of the power he's used for the 11 years up till father died. We don't even take in the rent they owe to us and the estate after he died. The oldest brother has gotten something between 500-600 K. Also remember, that the narcissists only have ONE CHILD each. This is important as according to the law you have a right to give gifts to both your children and grandchildren. Still, nothing of that has been left out of any equations. So nobody cared if there were four children given gifts, like I have, or three, like the oldest brother has, or only one. And that is not fair, as you have a right to give 10 K to EACH child and to EACH grandchild every year. That is a right to give 50 K to me and my children every year, that should not be counted, and 40 K every year to the oldest brother's family, and only 20 K each to the other two. If one should respect the law, which of course nobody does for real.

This is why they pretend to not understand you.
What people do, who work as lawyers, is to play favorites just like our narcissistic parents did. That's what almost always happens to everyone. This is the truth. I will talk more about this abuse of the justice system more later on, as one of the great traps is that you reveal that your narcissistic brother or sister or both are trying to force you to sign over property to them, which they have no legal rights to. So you will go to the court system and ask for outside help. When you've done that you have no rights to suggest a lawyer, as they have rigged the system for the narcissists. Only the narcissist who tried to con you have a right to ask for a lawyer, so the con artist assigns their own crocked lawyer to the case and he sits and mock you how you should feel sorry for his client, as she needs another house. The poor bitch "only" has a 4 million apartment in the middle of a big city, a beautiful summer villa by the sea side, so she "needs" yet another home. Yes, she does, as she has one child, and her new husband has two, so she has now - by a miracle - become a mother of three. Even though they were quite old when they married - who cares. Still, these people are in such a great need, as they only can go abroad every second month, and not like you - never.

Well, I could go on journeys now, but back before dad died I never could afford it. None of my children was ever on any vacations. We were constantly broke and like I mentioned mother had part in that. She divorced dad when I started getting a family, buying a home and such. In short, she made sure he was not able to help me out for years. Also, she bullied him to help her favorites as much as she could. I've heard her pleades to him plenty of times. Still, she surprised me when she told me to ask father for money back in 2011, and back then she told me she knew I was the one that had gotten far less then my brothers and sister. So now she writes to the lawyer I'm the one getting the most. What a bitch. That was after she promised me that she'd never meddled with the inherence, inspite her meddling back in 2013. These people make up so much shit that it's hard to follow, unless you have your head on red alert and pay total attention to what crap they do and say. So, mother has been part of this scam from the beginning, and there are so much proof of that now. All the way back to the early 90's, when she made sure noone could help me out, and tried her damndest to make me not get any children. That's what she was aiming at, I understand now. That's why she never told anyone every time I was with child.

Don't let others ruin your dream so follow your feelings.
Without money it was hard to afford another child, after I'd had our first one the year I turned 29. But by some luck and pleading to my boss to get fulltime for awhile, I managed to get pregnant again when I was 32. Up till that my husband didn't want another child, as we were so dirt poor and only had debts. When I was 34 I got pregnant again, and since that was so shortly after the other one I could keep my maternety leave on fulltime also for him. This was the child my narcissists had conned my new sister-in-law was a "mistake" and she came up to me and gave me her condolencies I was pregnant. I was so angry on them I could burst as he was my miracle child. It took me two miscarriages and many years to get my first girl, and the first boy I had to use all the tricks in the book to get. I had to check my temperature and make sure it was the right time, and that did the trick. But this little boy just came to us - almost like from God himself. And the birth of his was like a walk in the park, as the first birth had been hell and the second painful, but this was nothing like that. He was an angel, according to me, and to hear people badmouth my pregnancies had just became a thing I could not stand. It was like nobody was happy for me, and since my sister litterary was the only one in my family of birth who congratulated me, I thought up until 2013 that I might mean something to her.

I'd had my doubts already in fall 2011, when she never called me on the hospital, like mother said she'd promised she would. I don't know why. Either mother lied to both of us, or my sister lied to mother. She didn't call and that's what stuck. Father didn't call either. He never did. Not after I've gone home and not all winter or spring. He didn't call on my 50th birthday even, and he didn't send me a card. I think he was too far gone by then, but I seriously think he'd still understood what was up in 2011. He'd kept the invitation card to my grandson's babtism, and it was still there in full sight just a month before he died. But after he had died, someone had taken the card and hid it deep in a drawer of different random papers. My bet is that it was either mother or my sister as they were there. Nobody else would do it, or have a chance to. In hindsight I believe my sister detested all my children and she only pretended to care by congratulating me. That is very sad to believe, but she's made me believe that with how she's behaved these two last years. The second thing that made me doubt her very seriously was the lie she pulled on her husband in summer 2012, about not knowing I'd been ill. When she told that lie none of us knew if I'd recovered. It turned out I had!

Leave the users behind and never look back.
But the third thing that totally convinced me that my sister didn't give a toss about me, and is only in things for her own benifite, was that she'd shown me her agreement to the house on dad's farm, and then lied and said she never did. If she'd changed her mind on that when our oldest brother remembered he'd indeed seen her showing a paper about that house to me, just like I said, we'd only believed she had bad memory. And anyone can have bad memory. But she lied about the content of the agreement, and she still made it out like I was the crazy one, AFTER she heard she was the only one claiming she'd not shown it to me. After awhile her lies evolved and got even more elaborate, totally showing her ill intent. It got more and more clear that she realized I would not change my memory, no matter how everyone bullied me on her behalf. So she framed me for the papers she'd gone through after father died, and for taking papers at that time, and that despite that I could prove I was far away and not there. The lawyer does not care about this proof as he so obviously works for her. Like I said, if you have a con artist in your family and ask for an independant lawyer, the court will choose the con artist's lawyer. Just like this court did - both of the times. The first one we got rid of, but she just picked a new one!

What you need to do - if it's possible - is to take help from a sibling. One of you apply for a lawyer, and the other one immediatly suggests a lawyer to the court, whom you've already spoken to and who's willing to take on the case as soon as possible. Like I've said, I will speak more about this later on, as this is the laws of this land, so I will write this in the right language. But this is how canniving one has to be, when dealing with these narcisssists. I don't really know why my sister showed me the agreement, but she'd been talking about someone fighting her due to this house, after father died, ever since the beginning of the 90's. It's something she seems to have been obsessed with and since I'd told her I wouldn't I think she had to make sure I knew she'd been lying to me about the house being a gift. Mother has been obsessing over this house too, ever since then, but it seems like she's missed out on the fact that father wrote that agreement in 1996, as she just kept nagging on about this. I think my sister stopped saying she had no written agreement about that time, but she did say it during a few years. Most likely between the years 1992 to 1996!

This is why narcissistic mother always try to screw you.
So, it seems like my sister wanted this fight to occure, so she showed me the paper proving to me that nothing was like I'd been told. As I only remembered mother talking about this matter after 1996 I thought she was the old nutter, and that father had not been the nutter mother had claimed he was, as he'd been telling the truth to her, like a zillions times. This agreement proved it and it also proved that father had been fair and not wanted to give my sister ridiculous amounts more then me, only somewhat more. That is, he did not want to give her more then +700 K more then me, and not like she insists more then 1 million more. It seems very important to her and mother that my sister gets far more then me, as mother once gave my sister a painting now worth about 150-200 K. At the same time my mother put in 20 K in an acount I was not allowed to touch until I was 65 years old. I think she thought that was fair. The painting must had been worth atleast 100 K at that time, and it was able to be sold whenever my sister fancied as it was hanging in her kitchen, before she tossed it out in some storage room. I don't know what she did with it, but I hope she didn't through it away as mother not seems to have revealed it's true value. Perhaps she did after the storage insidence in 2003.

This is yet another very possible reason for all of this, as mother has always promised that I was not to inherent anything from her, and she said the same thing to her other scapegoat on the funeral of father. So perhaps this is her way of legitimize all of this and being able to get away with getting only her spoiled brats anything? Mother has even phoned my oldest daughter ones proclaiming she'd inherent soon. Weird as I would inherent my mother. My daughter would only inherent when both her parents die, so did mother tell her grandchild that she'd soon be an orphan? Or did she mean she's working on a method to get two of her children out from her "will"? If she sells her house and gives all money away and she leaves no trails of this I guess she could get away with it. I think that is the reason mother is so keen on selling her house, and the reason my sister played this trick on me as she knows me better then anyone else in our family. My sister and my mother both knew that I would never agree to any oral made-up agreements after I'd seen my sister's written one. We also have serious suspicions they too calculated that we'd ask the court for a lawyer, so sister was directly there and suggested hers. So please be aware of how sneaky and devious these narcissists are. In most cases they end up with 2-3 times more then their other brothers and sisters. Sometimes all of it.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

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