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tisdag 10 mars 2015

The Inevitable Consequences of a Curse

It's been awhile since I started to plan to make this post as it's a very important subject. Raging, unrightful curses, done by self entitled liars who wish to destroy an honest, loving person they've themselves have harmed holds no credit. I just wish to point that out as I've been hit by severe dark energy since April 2013 and I've blocked as much as I've been able to. By the end of May 2013 I'd had it with all the projections that I had to deal with, both in real life mails and in the energy that accompanied them. Still I did pick up alot of dark energy comming my way, even after blocking all the negative, untruthful mails and not reading them. So I did what I always do when I'm faced with these kind of attacks. I put out a curse. I always make a curse when someone is trying to harm me or my loved ones and they always work. Totally. 
I've never made a curse not come true, just the way I wished them to, because I never make unrightful curses. I might get very angry and say angry things, like all people who are attacked by liars and con artists, brutal assault on you as a caring, loving person where your attacker is out to destroy your very essence and strip you off your will to live. That's what all the very dark energy is there for, which such persons send out, to rip your life force from you so you will get deeply depressed, and if their dream come true - kill yourself. There are plenty of suicide makers out there, make no mistake about it. People who love to see others suffer immensly and kill themselves. I've myself seen the smug smile on a woman's face after her client killed himself. Her job was to keep him alive, so why was she so satisfied with his suicied? That question has bugged me ever since I found out the truth, perhaps as far back as 40 years ago, about his suicide. She told it, despite her constant proclaimations she could not even tell the slightest thing to me about her duties at work as everything was confidential. How come this wasn't? A client killing himself I sure would concider the utmost important information to keep quiet about, but instead she choose to share that one, while more mondane stuff had to be kept in the dark. 

That didn't add up, and in my present place of knowledge I've realized it was cause the rest was boring in her mind, so she didn't want to talk about it, while the suicied excited her, so she talked about it. The confidentiality was just a cover to not have to talk about what bored her. There is no reason a person working with something they have to keep quiet about the clients identities could not talk about their jobs in general terms. Like a doctor who cannot talk about what he does at work - of course he can! If he's a heart doctor he can talk about procedures he does and what he's looking for, without even braking any laws by revealing the patients names. I still remember the feeling of guilt I got when I was declined to hear the slightest things about her work, and also the very bewilderment I experienced when she so openly bragged about how she failed this boy, so he commited suicide. She didn't put it out like she failed him, but of course that was the concequense of her not being able to keep him alive. She'd even told about his near death experience and how that made him long for death, so hence ending up with psychiatric care, as he'd tried to kill himself before. She should not had been excited, but devestated over her failure.
So yes, there are people out there who wish others to kill themselves. And when you then concider that this very woman has two children, who both had suicidal thoughts while living under her roof, and the oldest one openly admits today that if he'd not moved out he doubt he'd made it much longer without fullfilling this wish, it makes it all very clear that she was very destructive to young minds and their life forces. When she found out almost two years ago that I was under harassment by people trying to smear me and crush me she showed zero care for those matters, but instead helped out. It was like she took pleasure in the idea that I was under attack and suffering due to the injustice and the hatefullness of all of it. She actually lied to smear both me and my husband to relatives and she's kept on doing this ever since. Her favorite smear is to tell people that I'm mentally ill, which she knows nothing about as I've refused to speak to her after I found out she was taking side against me in a legal matter, where she helped the con artists in their goal to cheat me and my family and another family to get more money then us. She must have been in on this plan from day one, starting as far off as in the early 90's.

As soon as I was informed that this woman was going to lie to make it out as if I was the one lying I stopped talking to her. I knew she would attempt to bully me into giving up my statement and let them run over me and all of us again. She's done that my whole life, and like I said the oldest son's life, which is why we both felt like dying was the only solution while we lived under her roof. It's cause our life forces were drained every time we had to give in and give up our rights so those more deserving could get more. Every time you are conned to lay down and take a beating you give up your life force and I didn't know that. She raised us with the lie that a man getting smacked on one cheak should only turn the other cheak around, which is falsehood. The saying means that if you show a person kindness and are rewarded with cruelty, you should turn another side to this person. That is you should not show them kindness anymore, but use your good judgement in treating them like they deserve, and that is not to give up your own rights for their selfish benifits. So when I heard she was going to lie I refused speaking to her, as I didn't want to hear her lie straight to me. I didn't want to get angry with her, screaming at her, for lying to me. She'd been lying for 20 years to me and I had all the rights to be angry with her for not admitting to it. 
If she'd not lied on purpose she should had asked for forgiveness at once, not kept lying, like I heard she intended to do in April 2013. I made sure she knew the truth and already in June that year it stood clear she knew fully well what she'd said to me for 20 years was a lie. She knew I had read the paper she'd told me all those years did not exist. She knew that I had a witness in my oldest brother, who'd seen me read that paper, and he'd himself gotten a peep at it. She also knew that all she'd said after finding out this were lies. The years following this I've found out she's changed her story, so now she claims that everyone knew about the existance of this paper all the time. A totally new version of reality, as you can see. I don't know who knew about this paper, but after what she herself told me for more then 20 years she didn't until 2013. And I didn't know about the paper until I read it in September 2012. My oldest brother only got a peep at this paper and didn't realize it was THAT paper, just a paper concerning those matters. Also he's told me that he believed there was no paper, so he just didn't comprehend it was that paper when he got a glance of it. I told him about this paper about four months after we'd seen it, but still at that time he was totally convinced there was no paper on this matter.

So, concidering all this, how could she not know the truth? She knew that she used to tell us there was no paper, but when the truth there was she seemed not bothered and ever after she's been claiming there always been a paper, and that everyone always known about it! This is the kind of person that will drive people to suicide as she will never ever admit that you are right, or that you've been lied to or that she's been wrong or that she lied to you. She never will, and she never will care that she hurts you with her lies. The person she's loyal to is her youngest daughter, and it's obvious that she's identifying with this daughter and is very much admiring the ability she has of conning people and making up shit others believe in. Like admiration among deceivers, I guess. She was very pushy at moving close to this daughter and she was hanging after her like a puppy for years, so that she totally wished to be in her favour is quite easy to tell. So much she does not care she's totally screwed her relationship with so many people, starting with me. She just does not care, as she never cared about me. I never mattered to her. Ever. She's so far kept her promise she made to me when I was five, and that's about the only promise she ever has kept. The promise to never help me acheive any of my goals ever.
When I was told this I was like I said only five years old, and she'd just pulled a con on me to make me believe she'd actually tried to fullfill a dream I had, which was all a lie. She never did, but she pretended she was, and then she claimed she'd tried to and that I was the ungrateful one for not appreciating her attempt to help me. All lies. It was during this little con, when we were alone, she made the promise to never help me ever with anything I wanted in my whole life. She was screaming it with so much hate and I was sitting there in shock as I just had been fooled big time out of my biggest dream. She made me believe I was to get what I so much wanted, and then it was all a scam, nothing real, and I had seen that and that was why I was in shock. So I was sitting in the car on the way home again, and listened to her rants about never ever letting me have anything in my whole life that I wanted, as she'd make sure I never would. These are the typical rantings and promises you see narcissists do, and narcissists will hate you only for being loved by your father. Female narcissists hate their daughters if their fathers love them. They are jealous of their own children and will do things to make the fathers, and others, hate this daugther aswell.

This woman has also badmouthed my father and her favorite daughter, claiming they had an incesteous relationship, during one of her jealous fits. I don't believe her one second and also she only made that claim once. That is what she most of the times do when she's upset over something. She makes out some horrendeous over the top lie about the people, stuff her twisted sick brain makes up, and she phones people and tell this made up story. Then she acts like she never done it, and those she's spoken to will feel confused and uncomfortable being around the persons she's badmouthed this way. It is so evil to do this and she never put things right or phone up the same people and tell them she was mistaken. She just let her lies hang there for ever. Never spoken about again. If you bring up something she's made up and asks her about it she'll just deny ever saying it. I've seen that happen many times when I've asked about one of the things she's told me. It's then mostly been quite innocent stories, like when she said she was suffering from rheumatic pain since childhood and that was the reason she did not do housework. 
I felt dead sorry for her when she told me and passed on the story to others, as an explaination for the lack of work she did in the household. I felt so guilty for being angry with her due to her laziness, when I decades later found out she's been ill all this time. A few years after I'd been told this story I brought it up with her, and I mentioned her rheumatic pain and all that, and she was totally confused and didn't seem to understand what I was talking about. I shut up and got that uneasy feeling I so often get with her and her likes. That is her two favorite children. They make me feel sick, to be honest. There is something about them that is not right, and you don't get it until it's too late. You start out treating them like you would any normal person just to get this "unreal" feeling when nothing is like it was. The past changes, what has happened have not happened anymore. History is changing in the present. Nothing is certain, everything is unsure and you cannot know anything as it might have changed what was. You feel sick and now I know why that is. It's cause it is. It is what is called "psychotic" by nature and it's also what people like to refer to as "gaslighting". It's when you lie to people what has happened, and the lies catches up on you so you lie to cover up the original lie. 

Perhaps alot of the new lies happen as the person doing the old lies forgot what lies they told, so they by mistake rejects something they themselves told you. I think that is what happened with the rheumatic pain story. Other events, that were very unflattering to this person, or her favorites, might however straight out be denied afterwards just to cover up the truth. Ordinary people not remembering something will just say so, but when you run accross this kind of cover ups you will find yourself being verbally abused for bringing something up that which was to their disadvantage. If I would hear someone say something I've done that was not good and I honestly did not remember I'd be asking questions to understand when this happened, and where, so I perhaps could remember it from my point of view. But this is not what happens with the type of person that has narcissism. No, instead they flat out denies it and ridicules you and they attack you with vicious accussations, making you out as a mentally ill bully out to defame them. It's so over the top you just can feel they are desperatly hiding the truth by distracting everyones attention to you and your malice instead. Or rather your supposed malice, as it's only them claiming it.
Malicious people always claim others are malicous long before the other one has done anything even remotely malicious. They will make up horrible things to distract from what they are up to and they will project ALL their own bad qualities to their innocent victim. It's a very bad place to be, to be assaulted with all this hate and negative energy. Particulary if you are totally innocent and all you've done is speak the truth, be honest, cared for everyones well being and never had a malicious thought in your head. When you are that kind of sweet person and you are hit with this vile and evil behavior from others you are all in your right to make a curse on those tormenting you. That is what I call making a Karma curse and there is nothing wrong with making such a curse as you are only assisting the course of nature when you do them. You take the vileness and malice the hateful person are projecting at you and you put it into a curse and you send it back to them. All wrapped in a bow. When you do this you must be very pure in your intent and not in any way be vengeful, but totally wanting what they deserve to come to them. Give to those that is of need to get what they have coming to reap what they have sown.

There is nothing revengeful in a Karma curse, I can assure you. And not everyone can make one as you need to have the right intent and be in contact with the right kind of energy to be able to. Anyone can try to make a curse, but few will manage to do so. So far I've never experienced that any curse I've made have not come true. Some has started to materialize only a couple of weeks after I spoke them, others have been ongoing for many years until I've felt satisfaction and dispelled the curse. It all depends on what I wish to accomplish with my curse how long it will last. In a few rare cases I've cursed a person to death, despite that I promised to not do that as the first one I did manifested to the very details I'd spoken it. I said I would not do it again as I felt that a Karma curse would be there to teach the person a lesson, but now I realized that death can teach those still alive a lesson too. Also people not deserving to suffer can be saved if a very evil person is dead, so a curse to death is not all bad, if given to a truly evil person causing many so much death, pain and suffering. It all depends really and since death is not final and I know this I don't think a curse to death is such a bad thing anymore. Perhaps my own near death experience made me realize that death sometimes is deserved, and as you can see I didn't die.
I didn't die, but I did slowly realize that my non-death was not a too happy event for some people. Actually I absolutely believe now that the very woman who caused me so much pain and suffering as a child and teen would had rather have me dying then surviving. Atleast I'm pretty sure she didn't care that I survived more then as a conveniance so she could dump her dog on me. After I'd been admitted to hospital and put under intense care she didn't visit me there. She didn't visit me two weeks later, after I was let home again and it took her another month to come by and then only to dump her dog. She did spend Christmas with us the next month and were then forced to take back her dog, but she totally ignored me and seemed more bothered with me then happy I was still living. After that I didn't see her until four months later, when she yet again dumped her dog on me. She refused to celebrate my 50th birthday with me and came by a few days later to give me an old gold ring she'd gotten after her mother. She'd already had her favorite daughter to choose the ring she wanted, so I had to make due with the one that was left. I'd been told I was to make the choice, but as always she broke her promise. She always seems to brake her promises, except that one she made when I was five.

This was in early June of 2012 and I didn't see her again until that horrible, so called birthday party, she and her favorites pretended to have for me in late July. She was totally drunk, didn't do a thing to make the party happen and was quite rude to me when I was kind to her. She laughed at the prospect that I was to die soon, when I told her I'd been depressed the whole spring and summer and didn't think I'd live much longer. It was obvious to me that I suffered some survivor depression, which happens when you thought you would die and then don't, but you are not sure you are alright yet, so you feel like you will die soon anyways. I thought I might have cancer or whatever, as that was highly likely due to the poor condition I'd been in for so long. It was obvious to me by her reaction that she was unmoved by all of this and did not care one bit if I died and she even jokingly talked about how father soon would be dead. So the next time I see her is on the hospital after father had died, and the last time ever I've seen her is a month later at father's funeral in October 2012. That is one year after I was out of the hospital myself, treated for very severe anemia that would had soon killed me if it had gone untreated much longer.
So a year after I'm saved I am at my fathers funeral, and despite me being really sad that I'd been so ill for so many years and not had the energy to spend more time with my father, I was also happy that I was not dead too. I was happy that my father had atleast had the chance to see his children grow up and all his grandchildren be born. He had the chance to spend time with all of us, as much as he wished. That was his choice, not mine. He had had every opportunity to get to know all my four children very well, and he could had made sure we'd felt dead welcome to him. He could had made plans for our arrival and treated my children like he missed them and loved to be with them. He could had taken them to the lake to let them bath and he could had let them sit with him in his tractor. That was all choices he could had made and didn't. Instead he treated my children like half unwanted side attractions, that most of the times just bothered him when he had more important things to do. He never asked them to sit with him in his tractor, never took them to the lake and never ever did any of the things I know he did with his other grandchildren. And I can tell you that those facts hurt a mother's heart more then anything to see. My children were dead cute ones too. They still are. I'd say they were the cutest of all his grandchildren, but then I'm bias.

The reason I tell you this is cause I've been guilt tripped enough by those favorite bastards for not caring enough about fathers death. I bet that none of them care as much as I do, and none of them have suffered the horrible nightmares I've had with father in them. I started having them really badly half a year before he died and I told that evil woman about them and she made some lame excuses. The nightmare was that I was not allowed to get onto father's farm by strangers, and father didn't tell them I was his daughter. I screamed to him that I'm his daughter and that I have a right to come and visit him, but he stood there without hearing me, it seemed like. I ran up to him in the dream and I told him every thing I was hurt by, that he'd done or not done. One of those things was that he never got in touch when I was in hospital or ever after about what had happened to me. Like he cared shit if I died. That hurt me alot and I told him so in the nightmare. I told him about my children and how that had hurt me that he didn't care for them atall. There were many things I told in that dream, but I forgot most of them afterwards, but one I did tell the evil woman was that about him not asking me about my illness atall, or getting in touch once. And this was six months later.
She'd just laughed it off, telling me that this is how my father is, and nothing to worry about. It is just him being him. I said I did not care as I would had come to his bedside at once if he was taken ill, which I always did as soon as I found out. Later, after father had died, I found out that this evil woman had lied and that she never had told him about my illness, or my ordeal at the hospital. Nothing. She'd not told him and she'd not told his sister. Or atleast, she'd not told any of his sisters, and she'd not told her brother-in-law either, and as it turned out in July 2012, neither had my sister. It turned out that both of them were keeping secrets and didn't tell people about what had happened to me. If by selfish neglect or on purpose I cannot say, but when my brother-in-law found out it was quite obvious that my sister did lie to him straight in his face that she didn't know about my illness, as I have two mails that prove she did. I believe now she found out through my daughter on Facebook, and not from her mother, which I'd at the time imagined was the case. And I believe this was how anyone who heard about it found out. I truly believe today that this evil mother, pretending to me that my father did not care, had not told a soul about my predicament. Until proven otherwise, this is what I will keep on believing.

Like I said I seized all contact with her after I found out she was going to testify against me back in springtime 2013. She found out the truth and knew I was in my right and also had a witness to confirm my version of events before my birthday that year, which occurs the first day of summer. Still she wrote a mail to me on my birthday where she stood by her false testimony and pretended that what I had provably read never happened. That is what happens with crazy people, that they will not understand reality. And narcissists are among the most crazy there is. If you would torture them I'm sure they very well know the truth, and that they are only pretending to be crazy, as it's unbareable for them to not get what they want, so when facing defeat they just deny it. And they lie so convincing they many times sway the uninformed in their favor. That's how they win their battles - with multiple lies. They are the liars of this world and they will lie to make everyone believe anyone speaking up against them are the liars instead. Narcissists use projections of all their own faults as one of their foremost weapons. Mine are my ability to manifest any curse I put out there and till this happened I'd never cursed this evil woman, nore her favorite daughter. 
I did once put a curse on a relationship her favorite son had, and soon after it was broken. Actually, his engagements broke off so often that I might not even had to bother, but they were dead set on marrying so I felt I needed to secure that it never happened. Today I almost feel grateful to that bitch he was engage to as he was dead set on taking away my big day by forcing me to have a double wedding. At that time I would never dream about going against him in any ways, and almost asked him for forgiveness when he stole a kitty from me, as this bride of his demanded him to do so. I felt guilty for asking him to honour my request and atleast pay something for the kitty and sign the papers. He paid some, but they both refused to sign the obligatory papers I always made buyers sign. Well, that was the first litter I sold, but I kept that agreement all through the years I sold kitties and the only people that refused to sign this paper was them. I don't remember if my sister signed hers, only that she refused to pay for the kitty she'd ordered from me when I delivered it to the south of the country. A very far way from where we lived at the time. 

That's how "tame" I'd become by that time, that I never went against any of the vile behavior they showed. I used to complain behind their backs alot, but in the end I obeyed their wishes. It's very like how we as a people act towards the state, the government, our tormentors and rulers in this world. We complain, but we rarely dare to oppose them openly or go against orders we truly hate. I used to hate so many orders they gave me, but I felt I had to obey them and I must say that I many times hated them for forcing me to do things I've told them I did not want to. Even things I straight out said I could not do, they in the end made me agree to. Like paying for things that was far out of my range and would cause me severe harm if I spent any on. I would diagnose myself as being a sufferer of Stockholms Syndrome, which is another name for trauma bonding. Where you are emotionally connected to your tormentors. Now and then I did get too upset and I did make that curse on the fiancée due to her actions with the kitty and refusing to sign the paper. 
But today I am almost a bit thankful towards her, as she would not have anything to do with that double wedding plan my brother had made. At the time I felt it like she didn't want me to steal her thunder, but today I realize that it was all about stealing my thunder. It would not had been my wedding day anymore, but ours. I'm dead grateful to her - Veronica - for making sure my wedding day was my wedding day and noone elses. I wondered about that name alot as a few years later I befriended another girl named Veronica and I loved her so much. I had hated that name and I had heard so much foul things about this bitch called Veronica, that wished to marry my brother, who'd forced him to forsake his whole family and particulary his mother for her. It was mostly stories by the mother, but also the kitty event, and that she according to my brother had ordered him to leave in the middle of my wedding, that all made me think she was a true bitch. But if you look objectively at things, I don't really know. It was always my brother telling me that Veronica said this and that, or someone else. I actually only heard her over the phone once, in the background, raging over me wanting to see the kitty she had my brother to steal for her. He had borrowed the kitty, as she wanted to look at it, and then he refused to bring it back. All on her orders, I was told. 

I have no reason to doubt anything I heard about her, and my guess is that she was some kind of covert narcissist, as my brother acts like a typical overt one, and the coverts are masters on manipulating the overts. The battle between mother and this Veronica is also typical narcissists, as they do want to have their partners all under their own spell, so it's not good to have a husband who's a little mommy's boy. And it also explains why her ex seemed to have been some real psycho and why she got furious over the tought of having to share her wedding day. To me sharing anything was totally natural as I'd not had anything of my own that had not been destroyed by that time. Not being able to put up boundaries and not understanding that you do have rights and can get angry, without having to feel guilt for your own needs, wants, wishes, is what narcissists do to their victims. That is why there is yet another term used today for people like myself, who's been under this mind control from childhood, that we have none of these rights. A mind control orchestrated by the very people who were supposed to love and protect us - our own family. It's when you are raised by either one or two narcissistic parents you will be taught that nothing you value has any worth. None of your desires will ever come to be.
The term that I've found for this abuse goes something like narcissistic victim syndrome, or something similar. I don't remember for sure anymore, and I don't feel like looking it up again. But it's a good description of the ailment as what you've been taught from early childhood has broken down all your own boundaries, where you normally would had been able to tell the bullies no. Instead you are taught to obey your "owners" and never question their commandments. I want to point out that this mind control is not general, it's not like a person under it will obey anyone. No, they are trained to obey only those who trained them and they will look up on them like the "wise ones". It's very typical for a sufferer of this form of syndrom to quote their narcissists every word like they were spoken by a god. No wonder people found that annoying when I did it and I'm glad to be rid of such horrible behavior. I was under special mind control and I broke it. It began to happen after my ordeal in autumn 2011 and continuing till this day. I am constantly braking the bonds that binds me to be a slave to my tormentors. I'm not a lesser being then them and I demand the same respect from them, as I gave them for half a century. Since they refuse to give it to me I have cursed them all for what they've done. They know what they've done, and there is no hiding from what truly is.

Like I said the evil woman found out the truth in 2013 and so did the overt narcissist I used to look up to and believe cared for me. I still believed he cared for me in summer 2012, and it was a shock to hear that he'd said noone cared enough for me to help him out with the birthday party he'd promised me. Noone cared I was still alive, so noone cared to buy some steaks to put on a grill. And noone cared to grill them, noone cared to make the tables, buy some nice things and make the party they'd promised to make for me. Noone cared. I saw that in summer 2012 and it was hard to miss. I saw the gifts were jokes, hastily put together out of old gifts or used up garbage, or just things they happened to have laying around, or empty promises. There were no love, no care put into any of it. Everything was clearly made to make me feel unwanted, like nobody cared that I had survived. It was hard to miss. I noticed. But I hung on to the belief that my brother had wanted to make it all well, but was sloppy and thoughtless and lacked insight into how others was made to feel. I kept believing that he had nothing to do with this mess, until summer last year. I think that was when the final scales fell from my eyes and I had to face the truth.
It was last summer that I finally realized that he was deliberatly lying about me. Making up false accusations to make me look bad and help him gain a building, that demonstratably ment more to him then my love for him. I had a year earlier had to face the truth that my own sister, whom I'd helped to raise from birth till she was a teenager, cared so little for me that she rather used me as a pawn she could sacrifice, all in her scheme to gain a house for peanuts. So after wondering a year if the brother only had been fooled by our sister, I found out last summer he deliberatly lied aswell to harm me. He had already back in spring 2013 said he had the same kind of paper as the one I had read. The paper our sister had on the house she wanted. Her version of that paper is not what I read, and she refuses to show it, and she lies and says she never let me read it. And then the brother joined her lies in summer 2014 and said that not only did he also have the same kind of paper, but his paper had gone the same fate as hers. She lied that summer and said I had stolen it, but not read it. She said those things in the same mail, by the way. 

She said alot more of what she obviously was leaning towards the year before and all of what she said this brother agreed upon. But he put his contradictory statements in two mails. In his first mail to another person - not me - he's written that he could prove that I never read the sister's paper and then in another mail he said that I must have taken both her paper and his paper. In spring 2013 he'd acted like he had an oral agreement with father, and had said it like he thought our sister also only had an oral agreement. To be honest I think he, just like me and the oldest brother, had been conned into believing this, but as soon as he heard it was a written paper he made it out like he known about it all along. And he also pretended that he'd had a written agreement aswell. He didn't act one bit surprised, which was the only surprising thing about his behavior. It was just like their mother's behavior when she found out that the agreement she'd claimed had been only oral, was indeed on paper. She didn't act one bit surprised, and she wrote a mail to me on my birthday in 2013. She wrote seven lines of text and in those seven lines she managed to sqeeze in nine lies. That is pretty impressive, I should say. 
I honestly don't know for sure if they both are mad or if they are waiting for cues to when to mention something and what is real and what is not. I get the impression that it's the younger sister who's directing them, and they take orders straight from her on what to believe on a certain moment. What is real does not matter, only what she claims at the moment is. That's the impression they give me as they keep changing historical events, claiming first that everyone known about this oral agreement for ever, and the next time that it's a written agreement we've all known about. That despite all the phone calls I've recieved through these 20 years from mother about this very matter. She seems to be very invested in this lie and she kept phoning me and again and again claiming how horrible it was for poor little sister of mine that she only had an oral promise that the house would be hers one day. That's what I've been told and that's what I've believed all this time, that when father died he'd promised that the house would be given for free to my sister. So that was what I intended to do. Until she showed me it was all a lie. He intended no such thing. She had lied. Why? 

Most likely to make me feel insignificant as she's a very evil person indeed. She's rotten to the core. She's a monster. The things she's done to me through life, which I forgave her partly cause I loved her so much and partly cause I had no understanding of my own rights, as that was how I was brainwashed to behave. I had been taught to not hold grudges against those who betrayed me, who harmed me, who hurt me by taking all what mattered to me and crushed it. I was trained to not hold on to anything, cause everything I cared for would be ripped from me. So I forgave her everything. Or so I thought. After all that happened I finally realized I am not allowed by Karma to forgive someone who wont change her behavior and who wont regret her sins. She's sinned against me severely so she has to pay. She's turned the people I thought cared about me the most against me. Well, apart from my own created family. Perhaps she hasn't. Perhaps they never cared. I know that now, that if they'd cared she couldn't have done that. But she made it clear to me whom they really were. I will for ever be grateful to my little sister for showing me what an evil cow her mother is. 
The mother told me a few months back that I was wrong and that she never indended to meddle in the legal quarrel. She claimed she'd never intended to testify on behalf of my sister. I knew I'd read that she'd promised herself to do that so I told her she was not correct and that she should go back and read the old mails herself to see. Which I'm sure she didn't bother to do, as in her mind I'm not worth it. The only thing that evil woman likes is to harm people, to hurt them, to lie about them, to defame them, to spread shit about people for no reason but spite, it seems to me. So she said she'd not taken sides and that I was wrong. What a big surprise then when she wrote to the lawyer shortly after that phonecall and took sides. She lied to him just as many times as she did in her mail to me on my birthday in 2013. This mail she sent the lawyer was in early 2015, so a little more then 1½ years later, and she was lying about being married to my father in 1992, and living with him, despite them seperating seven years before that. She also lied and said that my sister had not gotten any monetary gifts from father, despite the lawyer showing me he had proof she'd gotten 344 000 in gifts. 

She also lied to the lawyer and said that the sister was the only one who'd not gotten a car from father, when it was the oldest brother that never got one (his brother's old car was dumped on him of no choice of his own). And this sister had gotten her car before me, and he only gave it to me as I'd received so much less then anyone else. She knew that as she'd said it enough times herself to me directly father's last years alive. So she only wrote the lawyer to hurt us and our children, just like I said to her she did and that she needed to ask my forgivness for doing. She'd shortly before she wrote that lying mail said to me she had nothing to apologize for, so perhaps she felt she needed more evil deeds to repent before she could make her excuses? According to the lawyer I had, with the car added, only received 300 000 in gifts from father, and I'm much older then my sister and I have four times the numer of children as she does. So why did I get so much less? The thing is that she tried to keep money from the records, so she might have received far more. Also she had a rent free summer house for 20 years, thanks to father, and that would amount to atleast the double of what she's been given in money. My guess is that the true value of all she's received would be rather about 1 000 000 - 1 200 000. But who's counting. Not me. But she is.
She's now quarreling over peanuts, afraid I will get anything atall. My narcissistic brother is still going on about father's car I was pressured into taking care of. We had it valued to less then 10 000, but he's still demanding 35-40 000, despite that we'd agreed upon something like 25 000, when I took it over. I never discussed the amount, as I was told it equalled the cost the repair amounted to, which was less then 24 000. So how could 24 000 suddenly become 40 000 you ask? Cause sister put it down in her records. She either by mistake, or to create hassle for me, made an accounting error, and when I saw it hell broke loose. I totally believe now both sister and this evil brother made up this quarrel over the value of the car only to spite me. I think they are all evil people deserving the worst curses I have. I cannot give them any curse they don't deserve, but to be able to make a curse I do need to feel deep down in my soul that the person I give it to deserves what they get. It does not matter so much if I love them still or not, as sometimes curses will manifest better if there is love in them too. 

For instance, if I wish to truly know if they've done this all out of spite and malice, I might add a little condition to the curse. If I don't care I might not. I feel it's far better to make this condition, that if they only care to gain as much money and power as possible, by lies and deceite if necessary, they will be cursed by the very curse I've put on them. Since they themselves already by default have all put a curse on themselve, which I made in May 2013, I will most likely not have too much trouble making this condition work. In May I'd challenged my sister to tell the truth or swear an oath, that had a horrible curse added to it. She choosed to answer this challenge with hords of lies and so she activated the curse that I'd added. I even warned her to reply to me with lies, and still she lied and she spread her lies to many more people, so she even spread smear about me on top of it all. To do that will only make things much worse. The last person doing that to me got eight years in prison, after he'd totally ruined his whole life. I didn't really have to do anything, but repeat my curse, again and again, for a few years. 
I watched how my curses had manifested after a few years one by one, until I finally found out he'd been put behind bars, and that was when I draw back my curse. I have no more interest in him. I now know the truth about him and I feel nothing for him. If I saw him on the street I'd walk by him like he was nothing. I'd not even look at him, but through him like he was invisible, as that is what he is now. That is the true consequence of a curse, that the person you've cursed is afterwards nothing to you. All the hurt, the harm, the pain that person caused you is gone when the curse has come to be. It does not matter if the person only lost his car, due to your curse, or his life. After it's done it's done. You're done with that person. And this is the real reason to make a curse on someone, so you can be done with them. You cannot forgive someone who wont repent, and anyone who talks nonsens about differences between forgivness and other shit, is merely talking nonsens. I feel it in my stomach when I hear nonsens, so that is nonsens. 

Forgiving is not moving on, but telling a person you don't hold that against him what he's done. It has nothing to do with anything else, but you saying to yourself that you accept what that person did to you as being okay to do to you. So as long as you don't accept that, and the person has not regretted doing that, you cannot forgive. Forgiveness is not a thing you need to do to move on. What you need to to is letting go, and letting go has nothing to do with forgiveness. I don't forgive the man that ended up in jail. What he did was sick and he's sick for doing such things. I still feel sick thinking about how he came up with such foul schemes, just to hurt me, cause he knew he could. He does not deserve love from anyone, as he's not able to care and love anyone. He's a rotten friend, lousy husband and father. And I'm sure he was a dreadfully spoiled and selfrighteous brother and son. Someone who used his charm to trick people into caring for him, while he only used them. I cannot forgive him for all the harm he's done to me or anyone else that he's hurt with his childish behavior. 
Not until one day, in one thousand lifetimes, when he does not do such things to others and truly feel the pain from others in his heart. If that ever will occure, which I seriously doubt as I think people make their choices and he choose another way then I'd wish he would. And that's why he ended up in jail, as I'd rather seen him ended up happy married for ever after. But a curse is a curse, and once it's cast it lives it's life and my curse was that if he had harmed us on purpose, and had no regrets, his life would fall apart till nothing was left. So be it. And the curse I've made now, starting in 2013, is that all whom are lying to help themselves, and help those who lie by lying themselves, and also all who rather believe these lies then the truth are all damned. That is the curse and to be damned is to slowly walk on a path to hell. Just like the man who ended up in jail did, only that I lifted his curse once I knew what had befallen him. I never forgave him, I only let go. I'd had my answer and it was never about revenge.

I did not hate him and I only needed to know and if he'd put us through all that out of spite, he surely did need some punishment. So in the end I felt like it was some kind of revenge, and the curse was my method. I don't do any other kinds of revenges, but the Karmic ones, and they've always worked. All from crashed cars, court cases dropped due to revealed deceite or marriages ended, down to slow and painful deaths. Broken relationships is my top most successful kind of curses, and whenever I curse a relationship it never takes long for them to fail. In one case I cursed a neighbour to move away and two weeks later she was thrown out for cheating on her husband. He eventually recoinciled with her and I got upset and re-cursed her so she'd move properly, and shortly afterwards they put out their house for sale and then they moved away. If all that have happened these years were mere coincidences I'm struck with more coincidences then is statistically likely to happen. 
I've said that I might be like my grandmother, who can see people's futures, but then it's too much and too deliberate when I go into Karmic matters, like when I cursed the neighbour's car, as I was sure he'd shot our son's cat. So I said that if I was right, and my husband wrong, and his new friend indeed shot the boy's cat, then he'd loose what thing he treasures most, like his car, and suffer just as much over the loss as our son has done over his cat. After I put out that curse it didn't took long and he crashed his car and didn't get out insurance to fix it and he was so upset and raged over that stupid car even two years later. I would say such a curse was a little too close to the statistically unlikely to occure by chance, and I have plenty more where that came from. But it was a small curse and this one that I've made now is a big one. I doubt it will ever end and I don't feel now like I want to end it. Perhaps I will change my thoughts about that when I turn really old and have survived them all. When I've seen their enablers one after another reap what they've sown. 

I will keep tracks on who is suffering from the curse by chance only, as Karma likes to tell me eventually, all by her own will, when she's done. She works in mysterious ways, and some times she will do as I truly in my soul willed it to be, while I in words might have said things I did not really want. There is a difference between what you really have as a will, and what you believe you want. If you are angry you say all sorts of things, but sometimes that is not really your true will. I remember many times speaking how I truly wished the farm we lived on to come alive, and some lovely people to tend to it. But when I got angry at the present owners I said I wanted the barn to burn to the ground, the storm to sweap it away, just cause noone would put poison in it again when it was gone. Then it got sold and now it's run by a couple that I really like. I like everything about them, as I see they are real people and the brothers help each other, and their father helps out. It's a family that help each other so they make things work and they are therefore winners. 
When families lie to each other to cheat on each other that family is a family of loosers. My oldest brother and I wish to become a family of winner, who don't lie and cheat, but stick together. I've blessed his family to health and healing. I've put love in their path, and I've send them energy to overcome any hardship. Just like I've sent curses I've always sent blessings to people, and the very first thing I do when I find out people that I've blessed have betrayed me is to retract all my blessings. The next step is to find a purposeful curse to make them walk the path of Karma that will teach them the most. If that is not possible, as they are too corrupted I send them the curse of death upon them, as in death there is the last lessons to be taught. There is always a mirror to see when you die where you will be faced with all you refused to watch when you lived. I will not discuss here to whom I've sent any particular curses at this moment, only that I've had a few made that will manifest in the next years to come and I'm very glad that I'm not on the receiving end of any of them. At the same time I'm protecting myself, as the curses are also ment to punch back all sorts of dark and hateful energy that these liars have been projecting towards me from the first moment when I refused to lie and do as I was told.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry