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lördag 28 mars 2015

Narcissists Cause Ruptures


Re-blogged from: 
http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissistic-siblings-cause-psychological-and-financial-family-ruptures/

This is yet another blog post by Linda about narcissistic siblings who try to financially ruin you or devalue you and have been doing this your whole life. They might believe they are fair, but it's cause in their pathological minds fair is them getting much more. That's how twisted and evil these siblings really are and one day you will find out this is so. In most cases you will get your final proof of their malicy when an older relative dies and they expect special favors. So I will let you read this blog post and then I will tell you some tales of my own to demonstrate how this works in a family, where a selected few are valued like princesses and princes and grew up to become ruling queens and kings:


Narcissistic Siblings Cause Psychological and Financial Family Ruptures

You have known this brother or sister all of your life -- at least you thought you did. This individual as far back as you can remember was demanding, self absorbed, highly competitive and didn't care about how you felt. Yet, mom and/or dad thought this budding narcissist was just fine -- even superior. (This post refers to male and female narcissistic siblings.) 

Teach a child the true values of life and not materialism.

You remember as you think back how intimidated you were by this sibling despite his birth order. In some families the oldest son is the Prince and King in waiting. In others it is the younger daughter who is so "adorable" and talented -- always taking center stage and demanding constant attention (which she gets.) These siblings were budding narcissists and now are full fledged. 

You have known the truth about them most of your life but were unable to put a name or description to the feelings of discomfort, emotional pain, betrayal, confusion, shame or inadequacy you experienced when compared with them. "Why can't you be more organized and disciplined like James?" "Why are you always daydreaming and not getting to your chores or homework like your brother?" "Your beautiful sister is so outgoing and has tons of friends -- Everyone likes her. Why can't you be more sociable and friendly?" These comments from parents echo in your memory down the years. You have been compared to certain siblings all of your life. 

No one accepted you for your true nature and priceless individuality, your creativity and spontaneity, your kindnesses and appreciation of beauty. These attributes were not prized in your family. No, it was the narcissistic traits that were rewarded -- like all A's in every class, becoming the top athlete in several sports, having the smoothest of social skills, etc., being an extrovert with driving confidence and total self entitlement. 

Narcissists will do anything for money, even sell their own mothers.

Throughout your lives narcissistic siblings cause psychological pain and often financial ruptures within a family. They take sides to get What They Want!! You are not part of their goal equation. They want much more than their fair share of the family assets both while the parents are living and afterwards. There are constant power plays that are instigated by the narcissistic sibling. If the family has financial assets the narcissistic sibling places himself in a position to control them and eventually seize them. Sometimes they choose a sibling who will align with them in these power plays. They use the weaker brother or sister as an ally. Actually the narcissist is exploiting everyone, including this hand picked "ally." 

The classic situation is the narcissist's plan to become indispensable to the parent who controls the financial assets. This sibling over time forms a special relationship of confidence with mother or father and makes sure that he will get the biggest piece of the family money and financial pie ultimately. Some of these cases go legal and become very ugly. Sometimes it becomes necessary follow the legal route with narcissistic siblings who demand everything and where there is a clear case that you are entitled to your fair share. 

Family ruptures can occur as a result of the greed and venality of narcissistic siblings. This is a very painful complex situation. First, recognize who you are as an individual and know that despite everything you know the truth about your family and its narcissistic members. 

You knew all the time something was not quite right, but it was not you.

Learn to value yourself and your talents and gifts and wonderful personal qualities. Take very good care of yourself and form alliances with friends that you trust and who are psychologically family to you. Protect yourself from the primitive projections of narcissistic brothers and sisters. Don't let them control your emotions. Remember they are ejecting their unconscious feelings of self loathing on to you. This is a sign of their psychopathology not your inadequacy, deficits, etc. You may need to cut off contact with them since narcissists do not have psychological boundaries and lack empathy. 

Take time each day to appreciate who you are. Spend moments quieting your body and mind through some form of meditation. This can be very short -- a couple of minutes or less. Try to be consistent. Be unjudgmental as you go on this journey. I have found some very good guided meditations on You Tube. One is by the Honest Guys called Guided Meditation - Blissful Relaxation. It is 18 minutes long. Listen as long or short as you wish. The Honest Guys are British and their meditations have good production values and I find their accents to be calming and relaxing. Find what appeals to you and works for you. 

Trust your intuition and the insights that come through to you during the day and the night. You will find others who share the truth with you. Sometimes we feel so alone and that no one understands us. There are a few individuals -- and I think a growing group who are seeking the truth that is inside of them and from whom you will find resonance and validation.

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD 

People showing no interest in you or the truth you need to get away from.

And this is how Linda ends her post about these selfish siblings, by giving us some advice how to now take care of ourselves as we are worth to be taken care of. We were not put here on earth to serve these selfish bastards, no matter what our mothers might have told us, and told us she has. My mother actually scoffed at her oldest son for not serving his younger brother more and better, despite the younger never lifting a finger to help his older one out, and despite all what the older already had done for him. It was never enough for mother. The older had two children before the younger even got around to marry. The older had a sick wife that had to spend months at hospital and needed special care to get well again. After the younger one had his only child he moved away to a foreign land from where his wife came from, and the older brother had a third child with his wife. What did our mother think the older brother should do? Move after the younger brother, as he was doing nothing of importance here in our country. That's what she said to me!

I'm not exactly sure what year she made this proclaimation, but it must had been three or four years after their youngest son was born, as at that time my oldest brother was having problems with work due to burn out syndromes, which I think he'd acheived as his wife became ill again. But I'm not sure as he's kept everything very secret due to the narcissists inclination to use any percieved weaknesses to their favor. What I think he failed to understand is that also hiding illness and weakness is an excelent weapon for narcissists to use, as they can sense that you are stressed out, even if they don't know the cause of it. So if you hide illness to others, they will tell everyone you are lazy and use it as a weapon to smear you, while you are too weak to do anything but take care of your own health or that of your family's and children's. That's what these nasty buggers do - use anything against you. So I'm sure it was not a tactical thing to do to hide to all of us the true nature of their health, as then mother could state that the oldest brother did nothing of importance, when in fact there was illness in the family and they still had to tend to the little son and other children.

Narcissists like to create drama and hurt others.

My guess is that the one behind all these tales of lazy people not wanting to help out and do things for others originate from this woman - the mother. I think she's the one filling our brother and sister with ideas that they are entitled to get help and that we are lazy and selfish for not providing it to them. I base this guess on opinions like the one I mentioned above, where mother straight out said it was our oldest brother's duty to move to another country and work for his younger brother, despite of him having a family and life here already. Mother didn't even concider what her daugther-in-law wanted and what I heard she didn't even intend that she and their three children should move with my brother. It was like they didn't exist to this woman, like they didn't matter. All that mattered to her was that her golden son wanted his brother to come and work for him, and screw the rest. I will never forget the look on that old hag's face when I told her that my oldest brother had a life of his own to live. She looked at me like I've just said the dumbest thing on earth.

The idea that her oldest son had a life, a family, children, a wife, friends, a job, which he still had at that time even if he was too ill to work full time, and that he had interests and goals of his own, was plain ridiculous to her. But I did know he had a life and things he wanted to do and work for, and none of that mattered to our mother, and nothing I said to her made her change her mind. Since her golden son wanted a santas little helper in his shop, his oldest brother should just drop all his dreams and leave all his duties and come running to his side. I believe not only mother thought this to be the only sane reaction, but that this was the way our other brother thought too. I bet he thought he was ever so generous and practical when he offered this "job" to his older brother. The job to be his slave and work under his rulership, full time. To be totally under the mercy of his cruel and selfish brother. Like I said, I'm sure none of the narcissists even stop to think about what the wife thought, or the children and most of all, what my oldest brother thought.


Take care of yourself cause you are a beautiful soul.

The reason you cannot make such people see sense, change their views, is cause they are set in their minds. They've decided long ago who's who in our family and those roles cannot be changed, no matter how reality looks like, no matter if there is proof of the opposite, will such set minds change their program. I compare them to really badly progammed AI's that can't adapt to reality, when it transforms from what the original programmer put into their software. I think that's a very good comparison as in my view they aren't fully human, but bots. You know the kind you find in computer games. Bots are there to pesture your life and you cannot control them as they are set on a course and will do just that, what their little program code tells them to do. They never evolve beyond this little program and therefore they will only keep on repeating the same believes and thinking they've always had. That said a bot can do many things in the program, like travel and organize events and all sorts of seemingly challenging things. But they will never go against their base program.

A living soul will adapt to new information about other people and will hear and understand that they've been wrong about certain matters. From this information they will ask people for forgiveness, if they've behaved badly due to the misinformation, and they will understand that things were not like they first believed. I call people able to draw such human conclusions for living souls as there must be some kind of substance to such a being, making them able to adapt their whole concept of relationsships and other people, due to new facts that arrives. A mechanical person will however ignore anything contradicting to their preset instructions, totally like a robot with very badly programmed AI, like I said. The likening with robots is something I've heard many times, that it does not matter how much you try and reason with a narcissist, as it's like nobody is home. Nothing goes through and they just keep on in their old set ways, believing what they've always believed. I think that's why narcissists like to blame their lack of time or that there is no right or wrong, as they just don't have the ability to de-program themselves. To update their thinking.

Judge others by their true actions and not by their pretty words.

If you've been deemed as a outspaced person, lacking social skills, who never do anything worthwhile, you might find yourself married with several children and working on high functioning jobs, being a boss even, and doing very well in the community. But all that will not matter to the narcissist who will keep on portraiting you like the outspaced person who have no friends and no future. This is what narcissism is really, in my opinion, and it will look like total disinterest for others, as no matter what you do in your life this person keeps painting you in their first opinion of you. Whenever things go wrong in your life, like for instance you get ill temporarily, the narcissist will try to push you back again from all your previous acheivments. If you have children they will try to sow discord between you and them, and even make them like the narcissist more. They will try to make your children see you in the same lights as the narcissist does. If you have a partner they might do the same, and try to cause a divorce. They might act to you like your spouce is not worthy of you, but behind your back smear you and how cruel you are to you spouce. There are too many ways to screw people to achieve this and I haven't seen them all.

All the time undermining you the narcissist might act like they only care for your best interests, and every little problem you have, how slight it might be, the narcissist will blow out of proportion. If you are already overburden with obligations, health problems, alot of work and all life's problems, this constant drama over every little thing in your life can get very tiresome. The narcissist will try to create conflicts in your life, but will hide it as concern. When you refuse to follow their advice they will scoff at your for not standing up for yourself, and when you do as they suggest you will be rewarded with appreciations, but not necessarily. Sometimes you'll still hear it was not good enough, or too little, but the end result will always be that you get alot of conflict with all people around you, as the narcissist will find faults with each and everyone, which you need to fix. To have a caring narcissist in your life might be the worst thing that could happen to you, as you will never see peace and quite. Every person around you will be set up against you and you will soon have no friends at all. That unless you refuse to do what the narcissist tells you, and take the insults instead of what a whimp you are.

Don't fall for this narcissistic trick when you are an adult.

If the narcsissist in your life is a parent they will most certainly use the parent card to make you think you have to do as you're told. To hear that you must do as your family says and you must be with your family and you must do this. That is typical. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do and you most certainly don't have to be with people you don't like, just cause they are related to you. If they are not nice to you, if they insult you constantly, and if they most certainly have been lying about you behind your back and you know they lie and smear people all the time, you would be quite stupid to let this relationship continue, just because it's your obligation according to the person you don't like. Compare it to a wifebeater. He might think that it's his wife's obligation to be humiliated and beaten now and then, as he fancies it, but just cause he thinks it's her duty to endure this hell, does not make it so. It's just his opinion that he should be able to do as he pleases, on the cost of someone elses freedom. Remember that the narcissist in your life most certainly never has done anything she or he didn't want to do, just cause it was expected of them. Then other rules aply and you might hear them complain over having to attend the christining of a child, or a wedding, or funeral. 

That is something I've seen myself, how the same person that use the family card to bait me back in the family, she refused to go to a funeral, cause she didn't feel like it. She didn't stop to think one second that the cousin had been to her sister's funeral not long ago, and that she always was a very nice cousin. No, it was all about herself and her own dramas, so she didn't want to go to the funeral as the cousin had died from cancer and right at that moment she had cancer fright. She didn't have cancer, only was fearful of the possibility she might have. I told her she most likely didn't have it, and that she shouldn't worry as the preliminary tests they do these days are too damn good. And as older people almost always have loads of cancer cells in their body those tests pick it up in way many more times then when it actually is any malignancies to care about. I told her that, but she still was so selfcentered she couldn't go. If that had been me I'd not even mention this preliminary result to my children, and I'd not been such a selfish cow that I didn't go and pay my respect to a kind and sweet cousin, whom I've known my whole life. 

Revolution begins when the meek says no more to the bullies.

Who's important and who are we supposed to dislike is another thing narcissists like to decide for all of her minions. It's all so very confusing as they have a war going against some relatives for awhile, and tell the most horrible things about them, then one day you find the same relatives invited over to the narcissist. Like as if nothing had happened. A time they particulary do this is when they are fighting over an inheritance. In my family it's mother who caused the big row in her family, where she declared her two brothers as enemies and she painted herself as the resonable one of them. According to her she phoned them to talk to them, but there was no point as they were totally unruly, emotional and obviously mourning so much they could not function. She had phoned the older brother apparently and then the younger must had contacted her and told her off, very sharply, as after that conversation she was going on and on about what a psychopath her youngest brother was. From the older brother's letters to my dad I've figured out that mother phoned him up and insulted him, he understood she was insulting him and his wife heard the insults too. He was a criminal detective, so he actually writes to dad that his wife can testify what foul things his sister, my mother, said to him.

From that I suspect that the youngest brother to mother had contacted her and told her to stop doing what she was doing, as she was insulting people and screwing things up in the settling of the estate. Mother was totally convinced she was right and in her mind she was trying to talk to crazy people, so she used alot of degrading psychological mumbo jumbo, when trying to convince her police brother he was the insane one. That is so typical of mother I can just picture the whole thing. She loves to meddle with other people, phoning them and causing distress. She's been telling me about her phoning even cousins of mine, even a very ill cousin, and insulting him, so his sister phoned mother back and had asked her to stop harassing her ill brother. Of course mother made my cousin sound like a real bitch, but I remember her as a lovely girl so I know she never would had done that unless mother was a total cow to her brother, and whatever she said to mother, I know that mother deserved it for meddling where her nose does not belong. This is a typical narcissistic trait, to stick their noses into things where they have no reason to stick them. They do this pretending everything is their concern and that they are only caring so much. Bullocks. They want to feed on the drama.

It's time to say no now and not wait for someone to save you.

There is an old saying that those that want to rule should not be allowed to. That is in my opinion cause those that want to rule want to oppress others, use others, and they are not good leaders as they are always doing everything for their own sake, no matter what they try to con others they are doing things for, it's always selfserving. Everytime we let someone rule that clearly wants to be our leader we will end up with being run over and loose our rights. That's why we come to a point where we must choose what kind of person we want to be. Someone who agrees to be treated badly, worth less and known for letting others run over us, or someone who said "no" and would not take shit from others. Listen to what others tell you and you will soon hear that all too many tell you to give up, to let the users and bulllies win. They will tell you there is no use in trying to fight them, and that they use so dirty tricks you cannot win. They will shift the blame unto you, making you into the problem for standing up for your rights, and refusing to be treated like shit. They will do that by telling you that if you want your fair share, you are thinking too much about money, so let them take all money and stop being such a materialist.

Actually, this is typical victim blame, although most telling you this will be quitters, those that didn't fight the bullies as they felt overwhelmed by their abuse and dirty tricks, so they just let them take everything. Many of those people I've heard speaking like this are now dirt poor, while those they let win, without even giving them a proper fight, all are rolling in the money that belonged to another. So let me be clear, that fighting for your share is not to be greedy, it's not to be a materialist, and it's not to be faulty. That is all narcissistic thinking, malignant thinking, the liars and bullies brainwash us to think so we will not even question their rights to take everything from us. Those choosing to not fight back have fallen for one of the narcissistic tricks they like to pull on us. It's the trick to make us feel that being materialistic one bit is a bad thing, while we live in a material world, so it's insane to not have some concept about materia. It's black-and-white thinking, that even asking for fairness, equality, is bad, as you are then a materialist. No, you are not. If you, like the narcissists themselves, only care for material benifits and give shit for other people, then you are a full fledge materialist.

The thieves are the ones creating war and famine on our planet.

These liars are those that create all the havoc on our planet, while pretending they are out to fix stuff. They are not out to fix anything, but benifits for themselves. All the rest is just a load of crap. Lies. They don't make war machines to create peace on earth. They make them to make money out of war, as if people don't use these machines and destroy them, they can't sell as many. The most peaceful country on this planet, with the most fake and narcissisticly phony image is one of the greatest producers of these machines. Unless others countries don't war, this country does not thrive like it used to. The closest country, to this country, is an oil nation, so they are now thriving from the black slure that ought to stay inside of the planet and not be taken out and used like it is. So these two countries have this facade of goodness and deep down they are both extremely corrupt countries. I'd say that there are rarely any countries more narcissistic then these two, as they portrait one face outwardly and to the people living in the countries, while they are in reality all fake. There is no democracy, no equality, no fairness in neither country. These are very cruel places where they use all the narcissistic tricks to oppress those that wont play along.

One thing that is also in common of both these countries is that they've slowly taken away all the religious moral ideals that once were and replaced them with extreme materialism. It only took a couple of generations to change all of this. Today it's hard to speak to people from any of these two nations as most people are so brainwashed it's like talking to zombies. They are braindead, in my opinion, but there are a few people in every country that are not, but who can see what is going on and feel something is very wrong. In my experience the most happy people in these countries are those born in the 30's and 40's, while those born in later years are all very depressed. Ask one of the older ones how they view the future and the older people believe in a bright future for their children and grandchildren. Ask the same question to someone born in the 50's and 60's and many are not so sure. They don't really seem to know why they feel this way, but it might be a worry for the whole world, health, or economy. Many feel like there wont be any money for them when they get too old to work and are to take out from their retirement fonds. Others might feel something is seriously wrong with the very nature and everyone's health.

Whatever you do now will affect everything in the future.

It's hard to know if this is feelings only found in countries like this, which are typically narcissistic by design, or if this is something you find all over the planet. But this is what I've found, that it's the older people that believe in a bright future, and not the younger. It's even like the younger people you talk to the less optimistic they are and at one point many go from deep negativity and just switch and ignore all the negative things they see and pretend they are not there. So this zombie reaction is actually something I've heard is typical of an endangered spieces. It looks crazy from the outside, as your natural reaction might be to want to identify the problem to be able to fix it, but the zombies just wont even go there. But if people feel on a deeper, not conscious level, that there is something very wrong, that they are under lethal threat, this ignoring is a typical reaction. You wont go into shock then, and you will continue to function, for as long as you live, and you wont feel fear and angst and life is much nicer, then if you let yourself understand the danger you are in. Think about pigs taken to slaughter, how much better it is if they are calm and not stressed. Meat will even taste different from stress, so it's actually prefered that the pigs are calm.

Now you might get why we are supposed to be zombies, as the plan is set what will happen and noone want us to panic and run around and make a mess of things. Unless the plan is that some of us will do that. I'm not knowledgable of the plans, or why things are like they are, so any guessing for any reasons behind details in the tapestry, is only guessing. I don't know why they are doing anything, more then that there might be very short sightedness behind it. Perhaps the chemtrailing is really only to create better wireless communications for the military, and maybe the environment excuse is nothing else but propaganda to make the majority believe that without the trails we'll die from the sun rays. It might be just to create more war and better tech and have nothing to do with anything else. Those doing it might not care for the effects on life as they don't care for life. It's all about money and power to them, so they don't care if everything and everyone might die. Including themselves. Perhaps they are that dumb. It goes for everything they do, like nuclear, as still after Chernobyl, Fukushima and everything, those loving nuclear power still do. Nothing changed for them, and nothing will make them change. Which is a sign of insanity.

It matters what you do in this life as it will choose your future lives.

So no wonder if there are alot of very depressed people out there, those that grew up with all this shit going on, who never seen anything else before this materialistic world came to be. Those older remember the war and the aftermaths and to them things got much better in their life. They are often very wealthy, while their parents where dirt poor. To them things are so much better and they have had long lives living with everything working and doing important things. And they know that they will soon die, so to them it really does not matter so much how the world will look in a few years. What might matter is that they have fun in their lives right now, for as long as they can. I don't even think many of that generation is specially spiritual, while the generation now loosing faith in their old days, already having health issues and many worrying over their income even before they are retired seem more open to what is behind the veil of this material world. The hope that there is something more, that this shithole of a life is not all there is I think in many ways play a much greater part in us born after our present world were created. This world was created during the 50's and 60's so anyone that arrived at this time have no clue what went on before these modern living was. Not really.

To live without electricity was only a weekend at the country cottage. To go to a outhouse to do your business in some hole was just a weird thing you did when on the farm. Your day to day life you had a bathroom and you watched TV. The life I've had my whole life is not that very different now. Of course we now like to sit alone by our computers for hours, when back then we sat together and watched TV for a few hours only. It's been a gradual change, but the big change was from no TV, no electrical stove, no fridge, no washing machine, no personal cars, no bathrooms and so on. We just changed the way of life so much in such a short time period I'd call it a revolution. The tech that came later on might had been swift in evolution, but it's nothing compared to the change that happened in the way people lived their lives back before my time. I honestly only see minor changes between the 70's and now, and that are our mobile phones and computers and how many channels there are on the TV. All the rest is so the same it hardly is not worth mentioning. The change has been to make people look into smaller and smaller boxes instead of looking into each others eyes. Which might be the major cause of all the zombies.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry