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torsdag 24 april 2014

Poor Little Me

Re-blogged from: http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/covert-narcissistic-sisters-play-and-deceive-with-poor-little-me/

The blog above is not long, but it is vital for me. As it's my much younger sister who's described there, more or less. She's considered the little baby in our family, who mother always defends, who we all quickly run to defend. Yes, indeed, she's been playing us all like violines her whole life. Whenever she could not get what she wanted, she manipulated, lied, cried, yelled, blamed to make us feel sorry for her and help her. She got so very good at it that nobody realized she was doing it. She could get away with anything from she was very small. I still feel totally sick from the memory of how she killed that poor kitty. It took me 45 years to start talking about it, while she's been talking about it ever since it happened. Only in her story it was all an accident and makes her out as a poor little innocent victim. But she was no victim. She killed that kitty on purpose and I know it for a fact. It makes me sick. So sick I haven't been able to talk about it, but who cares what I talk about or not so now I do. Kill me if you want to, I will still talk about it. 

She killed that poor kitty on purpose. Why? How could I even imagine why anybody would do such a horrible thing? I'm not a kitty killer, so how could I know? All I know is that she had her heart set on giving the kitty to the dog, and nothing I said or did would make her change her mind. I was watching her like a hawk the whole week she had the kitty. Still I remember the terrible angst I had that week, how I dared not leave her cause whenever I looked away she was taking the kitty to the dog. I know it sounds crazy and it was crazy. But I knew I had to protect the kitty or she'd do it, and when I left her a couple of minutes, far on the other side of the house from the dog, she immediately ran around the house with the kitty and gave her to the dog. Yes she did, and you can never make me say anything else. I came to the spot as the dog grabbed the kitty and tossed her in the air, killing her instantly. I felt so helpless, so useless, cause I had failed to save the kitty from the monster. No, not the dog. The dog was just being a dog. I'm talking about the fake innocent little girl. She was nothing like innocent, but she made everyone believe she was. Everyone said she was and kept saying this, even the kitties owner said it. Hearing the kitties owner shortly after this kitty murder tell how good and kind my sister was felt like a punch to my stomach. I remember saying to her that my sister was able to do less good things too, and was told I was so very nasty. No, I was TRUTHFUL. 

She fooled everyone and she still does. Well, not everyone, as many has told me they find her fake and phony. It's true people gets a bad feeling from her, but I know how that goes. You feel sorry for her for feeling that way! Indeed, that is the effect, you feel shame for not liking her, wanting to get away from her. I've felt that my whole life, increasingly ever since I realized she was only getting worse and worse. Still, I kept hoping she'd evolve and start caring for others for real, and not only faking it. I hoped she really cared for me, like I've always cared for her. I know it sounds like I must hate her, telling "lies" about her killing a poor kitty, but if I'd hated her and wanted her illwill I sure would not had kept silent about the poor kitty for decades, would I? I don't think that's logical to believe this, but then with people like this people rarely shows any form of logic whatsoever. She seems to make people into stupid flying monkeys, attacking her imaginary "enemies". She's so sweet talking, so sad cause of this person doing or saying this or that, while she tries so hard to help out. You just feel upset how unfair the other is acting towards her and tries to help her out. Again and again, truly thinking she loves you for helping her, but it was NEVER about your love for her - my love for her - it was only about what she wanted, and others, including me, were nothing but instruments to achieve this.

Here is the blog, hope you like it, short and sweet as it is:

Covert Narcissistic Sisters Play and Deceive with “Poor Little Me”

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

When the parents are gone, everything is left to her—a pittance or less to the other siblings.  Who’s saying “Poor Little Her” now!

Covert narcissistic sisters play the “poor little me” role in their families to psychologically unhinge and wreak havoc on their non-narcissistic brothers and sisters. They start very early telling lies to the parents about their siblings while playing the innocent role to the hilt.

As they grow older their sabotage escalates, causing great pain emotional and psychological pain. They plot and take boyfriends away from their sisters by telling lies or revealing secrets or conjuring up dirty secrets. They are believable; their lying skills are impeccable.

Parents often make excuses for them especially if this the Golden Child:”Oh, she is shy and dependent; she is not capable of lying; give her a chance; she’s unsure of herself; you have to be kind to her.”

As she grows older and her psychopathology deepens the CNS becomes even bolder. As the parents age, the CNS  becomes “indispensable” to them. In secret she plots and gains power and access to all of their financial assets—properties, investments, etc.

Covert narcissists are difficult to detect. Learn to recognize them. They are too “good” to be true. Always trust your Intuition, your Gut, that Sense of Knowing you have that is a great gift. 

As you could read in this blog these "poor little me" sisters will play their families to gain as much as possible. And that is what my sister did all her life. She made it out as if she was the one getting almost nothing, who never asked for anything, but if you look carefully at what she actually writes you will see what she actually does. She asks for money to a cottage she was supposed to take care of herself. She was supposed to paint it, fix it, herself, but asked for money. Not once, but often, during the 20+ years she had it for rent free. That is a benifit to have a free house, but in her words she has paid the house two times. How? Only her fantasy world knows, as no sane person does. She did try to make me greedy and angry with our brothers, telling me they'd gotten so much more, that I had gotten so much less, only she had almost gotten as little as me. No, she had gotten already more then a million MORE then me in worth as she has had a house rentfree for 20+ years. 

She was welcome to father's farm, she had a house to bring her only child to when she vitited. That is worth more then the money and I had neither, no house and no money and no feeling of being welcome. I am kind of over that, but it was for a very long time a big issue to me that neither me or my many children felt like we belonged at father's farm. He gave me no cottage for free and nobody felt that was wrong. Everyone felt it was right that my sister in her late teens got a house to live in on his farm, when visiting, while I and my family got none. I was married and that year I gave my father his first grandchild, and he gives a cottage to my teen sister. It sounds really odd now, but at the time I thought nothing of it. I was so used that she should have everything, as I loved her, as everyone loved her, as she was the entitled one, the special one. I was dirt under her feet. 

To gain the house without having to pay for it she made up the story she'd paid for it twice, though father had an agreement with her she had to take care of the cottage to have it rentfree, and then she'd get the house when he'd died as part of her fair share. This fact she hid from others, and I still don't know who knew this and who didn't as most act like they did know and stand behind her. If they knew they have ALL been lying to two of us siblings for all this time. If they've lied to us for so long, they are horrible people and I don't want to associate with horrible people like that as that is criminal. Mother has been phoning me time and time again telling me there were only a spoken agreement, and that the house was my sisters already. No, that was not true, as the WRITTEN agreement said she'd have it in her inheritance to the value it has NOW. When mother heard about the agreement being written she kept supporting my sister, like she always knew that. She did admit to never having read the agreement herself, but nothing about not knowing it was written. So yes, she's been lying to me ever since she found out it was written. As soon as I read it I told others it was written when the subject came up. Never once did I lie as soon as I knew the fact.

Another thing she did was to get control over all the inheritance, and by that control of all of us. She did that by getting in control of father's economy before he was dead. He'd written a document back in 2005 to make me into the one in control if he needed help, which was logical as I am the one having the right education and he knew I was an honest person for sure. I told my sister about father's plan doing this and then I forgot about it. I found that mail just a couple of months ago, so I wrote to the lawyer's office and found out that document was never given to them, as he had planned and even booked a time to do. Why? I have no idea, except the mail I sent to my sister about this plan of father's. If he'd followed thrue with this plan she could not had done what she'd done. She could not had forced us to sign her as the one helping him with his financials. Two of us didn't want to, but mother and the other brother bullied us until we gave up. Our sister didn't have to do anything as these two flying monkeys of hers did it for her.

After father's death she wanted to control the inheritance, as she already had been helping him out, as she put it. So that was the way she did it. Or what I know about it, as of course this was taking decades to plan. Already when she first got the cottage from father she'd told me it was a gift, nothing about the written agreement as she said there were none to me. She kept telling me for years there was no written agreement, and that the cottage was a gift from father. Another thing she started telling very early to me was also that she was so very worried someone would fight her on this when father died. That is, she worried already in her early 20's someone would fight her on her claim the house was a gift, and would not be drawn from her fair share of the inheritance. 

So to make the house disappeare she'd made a list of some of the gifts we'd gotten from father during the last 20 years. That is, from when she "got" the house. Many gifts were not in that list so it looked like I had gotten my car without a true reason. But father said he gave it as I had gotten so much LESS then my siblings, when he forced the car on me. He said that it was that car, or nothing. I wanted a bigger used car, much cheaper and with aircondition, but I had no say. I rather wanted cash to bail us out from a very bad place after the market collapsed shortly after we bought our house in the 90's. We've never been able to recover from that, though father helped all the others. I had four children and we had loans for university, while my sister had neither. So we could never be equal or even close to fair in anything as things has turned out. But did I ever never complain? No, never. Does she claim that? No, she claims I am greedy and only thinking about money. 

She's called me insane for talking about how she showed me her written agreement. She accused me in very convincing fake words that I am defaming and bullying her when pleading to her once to stop lying about showing it. That's also when her husband threatened me with the police if I did not stop talking about reading that agreement, shown by his wife. He most likely is very much part of all these lies and horrible actions towards me so he's a real piece of shit, it turns out. A real piece of shit. And as such a shit he'll reap what he sowed as I've never ever done anything nasty to him. On the opposite I've been VERY kind to him, so my guess is that he's a con artist, you know, one of those who act like your friend but only faking it. He's a salesperson, and they are known for their fake friendliness. I checked up his education as it's on the net and it's just as fake as him. He's never recieved a full university education as there was not even one full year there. He claims he knows almost everything, things I know he does not know as they all ask my husband or my oldest brother about those things. 

It's the same with the claimed educations my sister put on her CV about twelve years ago and showed me. When I told her she should not lie she said it was ok to do so, as you need to promote yourself to get a job. So whatever jobs she got she most likely got based on these fantasy lies of hers. She does not have years of university education, but small courses in leadership through the military, just like her husband. They have been taught how to BULLY others into submission! That is the skill they have. To bully and lie and strut around like peacocks. They are very clever at that. And to feel entitled and act like they are trustworthy and honest and they are nothing of that. My sister told me in 2012 she never drank wine anymore, and the whole year after that she bragged all over her FB about all the wine she bought and tested travelling all over the place. I don't have FB, so no harm lying to me? I have no idea why she lied, but perhaps cause she remembered me telling her a few years ago, when I was lethally ill, I did not drink wine. To bond with me she might had pretended she was the same? I don't know, just like I don't know why she lied to her husband and told him she didn't knew anything about my illness. Lies, lies, lies.

And everyone believes her without a thread of proof, while I'm not believed no matter how much proof I have. That is the trick of the covert narcissistic sister.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

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