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torsdag 24 april 2014

Poor Little Me

Re-blogged from: http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/covert-narcissistic-sisters-play-and-deceive-with-poor-little-me/

The blog above is not long, but it is vital for me. As it's my much younger sister who's described there, more or less. She's considered the little baby in our family, who mother always defends, who we all quickly run to defend. Yes, indeed, she's been playing us all like violines her whole life. Whenever she could not get what she wanted, she manipulated, lied, cried, yelled, blamed to make us feel sorry for her and help her. She got so very good at it that nobody realized she was doing it. She could get away with anything from she was very small. I still feel totally sick from the memory of how she killed that poor kitty. It took me 45 years to start talking about it, while she's been talking about it ever since it happened. Only in her story it was all an accident and makes her out as a poor little innocent victim. But she was no victim. She killed that kitty on purpose and I know it for a fact. It makes me sick. So sick I haven't been able to talk about it, but who cares what I talk about or not so now I do. Kill me if you want to, I will still talk about it. 

She killed that poor kitty on purpose. Why? How could I even imagine why anybody would do such a horrible thing? I'm not a kitty killer, so how could I know? All I know is that she had her heart set on giving the kitty to the dog, and nothing I said or did would make her change her mind. I was watching her like a hawk the whole week she had the kitty. Still I remember the terrible angst I had that week, how I dared not leave her cause whenever I looked away she was taking the kitty to the dog. I know it sounds crazy and it was crazy. But I knew I had to protect the kitty or she'd do it, and when I left her a couple of minutes, far on the other side of the house from the dog, she immediately ran around the house with the kitty and gave her to the dog. Yes she did, and you can never make me say anything else. I came to the spot as the dog grabbed the kitty and tossed her in the air, killing her instantly. I felt so helpless, so useless, cause I had failed to save the kitty from the monster. No, not the dog. The dog was just being a dog. I'm talking about the fake innocent little girl. She was nothing like innocent, but she made everyone believe she was. Everyone said she was and kept saying this, even the kitties owner said it. Hearing the kitties owner shortly after this kitty murder tell how good and kind my sister was felt like a punch to my stomach. I remember saying to her that my sister was able to do less good things too, and was told I was so very nasty. No, I was TRUTHFUL. 

She fooled everyone and she still does. Well, not everyone, as many has told me they find her fake and phony. It's true people gets a bad feeling from her, but I know how that goes. You feel sorry for her for feeling that way! Indeed, that is the effect, you feel shame for not liking her, wanting to get away from her. I've felt that my whole life, increasingly ever since I realized she was only getting worse and worse. Still, I kept hoping she'd evolve and start caring for others for real, and not only faking it. I hoped she really cared for me, like I've always cared for her. I know it sounds like I must hate her, telling "lies" about her killing a poor kitty, but if I'd hated her and wanted her illwill I sure would not had kept silent about the poor kitty for decades, would I? I don't think that's logical to believe this, but then with people like this people rarely shows any form of logic whatsoever. She seems to make people into stupid flying monkeys, attacking her imaginary "enemies". She's so sweet talking, so sad cause of this person doing or saying this or that, while she tries so hard to help out. You just feel upset how unfair the other is acting towards her and tries to help her out. Again and again, truly thinking she loves you for helping her, but it was NEVER about your love for her - my love for her - it was only about what she wanted, and others, including me, were nothing but instruments to achieve this.

Here is the blog, hope you like it, short and sweet as it is:

Covert Narcissistic Sisters Play and Deceive with “Poor Little Me”

by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

When the parents are gone, everything is left to her—a pittance or less to the other siblings.  Who’s saying “Poor Little Her” now!

Covert narcissistic sisters play the “poor little me” role in their families to psychologically unhinge and wreak havoc on their non-narcissistic brothers and sisters. They start very early telling lies to the parents about their siblings while playing the innocent role to the hilt.

As they grow older their sabotage escalates, causing great pain emotional and psychological pain. They plot and take boyfriends away from their sisters by telling lies or revealing secrets or conjuring up dirty secrets. They are believable; their lying skills are impeccable.

Parents often make excuses for them especially if this the Golden Child:”Oh, she is shy and dependent; she is not capable of lying; give her a chance; she’s unsure of herself; you have to be kind to her.”

As she grows older and her psychopathology deepens the CNS becomes even bolder. As the parents age, the CNS  becomes “indispensable” to them. In secret she plots and gains power and access to all of their financial assets—properties, investments, etc.

Covert narcissists are difficult to detect. Learn to recognize them. They are too “good” to be true. Always trust your Intuition, your Gut, that Sense of Knowing you have that is a great gift. 

As you could read in this blog these "poor little me" sisters will play their families to gain as much as possible. And that is what my sister did all her life. She made it out as if she was the one getting almost nothing, who never asked for anything, but if you look carefully at what she actually writes you will see what she actually does. She asks for money to a cottage she was supposed to take care of herself. She was supposed to paint it, fix it, herself, but asked for money. Not once, but often, during the 20+ years she had it for rent free. That is a benifit to have a free house, but in her words she has paid the house two times. How? Only her fantasy world knows, as no sane person does. She did try to make me greedy and angry with our brothers, telling me they'd gotten so much more, that I had gotten so much less, only she had almost gotten as little as me. No, she had gotten already more then a million MORE then me in worth as she has had a house rentfree for 20+ years. 

She was welcome to father's farm, she had a house to bring her only child to when she vitited. That is worth more then the money and I had neither, no house and no money and no feeling of being welcome. I am kind of over that, but it was for a very long time a big issue to me that neither me or my many children felt like we belonged at father's farm. He gave me no cottage for free and nobody felt that was wrong. Everyone felt it was right that my sister in her late teens got a house to live in on his farm, when visiting, while I and my family got none. I was married and that year I gave my father his first grandchild, and he gives a cottage to my teen sister. It sounds really odd now, but at the time I thought nothing of it. I was so used that she should have everything, as I loved her, as everyone loved her, as she was the entitled one, the special one. I was dirt under her feet. 

To gain the house without having to pay for it she made up the story she'd paid for it twice, though father had an agreement with her she had to take care of the cottage to have it rentfree, and then she'd get the house when he'd died as part of her fair share. This fact she hid from others, and I still don't know who knew this and who didn't as most act like they did know and stand behind her. If they knew they have ALL been lying to two of us siblings for all this time. If they've lied to us for so long, they are horrible people and I don't want to associate with horrible people like that as that is criminal. Mother has been phoning me time and time again telling me there were only a spoken agreement, and that the house was my sisters already. No, that was not true, as the WRITTEN agreement said she'd have it in her inheritance to the value it has NOW. When mother heard about the agreement being written she kept supporting my sister, like she always knew that. She did admit to never having read the agreement herself, but nothing about not knowing it was written. So yes, she's been lying to me ever since she found out it was written. As soon as I read it I told others it was written when the subject came up. Never once did I lie as soon as I knew the fact.

Another thing she did was to get control over all the inheritance, and by that control of all of us. She did that by getting in control of father's economy before he was dead. He'd written a document back in 2005 to make me into the one in control if he needed help, which was logical as I am the one having the right education and he knew I was an honest person for sure. I told my sister about father's plan doing this and then I forgot about it. I found that mail just a couple of months ago, so I wrote to the lawyer's office and found out that document was never given to them, as he had planned and even booked a time to do. Why? I have no idea, except the mail I sent to my sister about this plan of father's. If he'd followed thrue with this plan she could not had done what she'd done. She could not had forced us to sign her as the one helping him with his financials. Two of us didn't want to, but mother and the other brother bullied us until we gave up. Our sister didn't have to do anything as these two flying monkeys of hers did it for her.

After father's death she wanted to control the inheritance, as she already had been helping him out, as she put it. So that was the way she did it. Or what I know about it, as of course this was taking decades to plan. Already when she first got the cottage from father she'd told me it was a gift, nothing about the written agreement as she said there were none to me. She kept telling me for years there was no written agreement, and that the cottage was a gift from father. Another thing she started telling very early to me was also that she was so very worried someone would fight her on this when father died. That is, she worried already in her early 20's someone would fight her on her claim the house was a gift, and would not be drawn from her fair share of the inheritance. 

So to make the house disappeare she'd made a list of some of the gifts we'd gotten from father during the last 20 years. That is, from when she "got" the house. Many gifts were not in that list so it looked like I had gotten my car without a true reason. But father said he gave it as I had gotten so much LESS then my siblings, when he forced the car on me. He said that it was that car, or nothing. I wanted a bigger used car, much cheaper and with aircondition, but I had no say. I rather wanted cash to bail us out from a very bad place after the market collapsed shortly after we bought our house in the 90's. We've never been able to recover from that, though father helped all the others. I had four children and we had loans for university, while my sister had neither. So we could never be equal or even close to fair in anything as things has turned out. But did I ever never complain? No, never. Does she claim that? No, she claims I am greedy and only thinking about money. 

She's called me insane for talking about how she showed me her written agreement. She accused me in very convincing fake words that I am defaming and bullying her when pleading to her once to stop lying about showing it. That's also when her husband threatened me with the police if I did not stop talking about reading that agreement, shown by his wife. He most likely is very much part of all these lies and horrible actions towards me so he's a real piece of shit, it turns out. A real piece of shit. And as such a shit he'll reap what he sowed as I've never ever done anything nasty to him. On the opposite I've been VERY kind to him, so my guess is that he's a con artist, you know, one of those who act like your friend but only faking it. He's a salesperson, and they are known for their fake friendliness. I checked up his education as it's on the net and it's just as fake as him. He's never recieved a full university education as there was not even one full year there. He claims he knows almost everything, things I know he does not know as they all ask my husband or my oldest brother about those things. 

It's the same with the claimed educations my sister put on her CV about twelve years ago and showed me. When I told her she should not lie she said it was ok to do so, as you need to promote yourself to get a job. So whatever jobs she got she most likely got based on these fantasy lies of hers. She does not have years of university education, but small courses in leadership through the military, just like her husband. They have been taught how to BULLY others into submission! That is the skill they have. To bully and lie and strut around like peacocks. They are very clever at that. And to feel entitled and act like they are trustworthy and honest and they are nothing of that. My sister told me in 2012 she never drank wine anymore, and the whole year after that she bragged all over her FB about all the wine she bought and tested travelling all over the place. I don't have FB, so no harm lying to me? I have no idea why she lied, but perhaps cause she remembered me telling her a few years ago, when I was lethally ill, I did not drink wine. To bond with me she might had pretended she was the same? I don't know, just like I don't know why she lied to her husband and told him she didn't knew anything about my illness. Lies, lies, lies.

And everyone believes her without a thread of proof, while I'm not believed no matter how much proof I have. That is the trick of the covert narcissistic sister.

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry

lördag 5 april 2014

Siblings Steal Your Inheritance

Signs of psychopathy to be aware of.

Re-blogged from:

The article above struck right home, and as I write alot about laws here as that goes under our history and the power of the rings I wanted to re-post it. We give these laws power. Here all siblings have the lawful right to their fair share after our parents, which of course any selfish, entitled adult child hates. When I wrote that fact to my siblings I got the reply, in versals, from my entitled brother that I should stop insulting him. To him it was an insult that I should inherent the same as him. He got furious, as it to him is fair that he should have more, much more, like he's had his whole life. I calculated hastily how much rent a house would cost for twelve years, which he has had a house rent free, or for twenty two years, which my entitled sister has had a rent free house. It amounts to big money. I know personally a young couple who will rent a house from the young man's grandfather. He wants about 6 500 every month for the house, which is nothing extremly high. So, to be kind, I will half that rent for their small houses, and I ended up with a worth of 39 000 every year for each house. This means he's been given the worth of 429 000 by having access to this house and the sum for my sister is 780 000. 

At the same time as they've had access to these houses, rent free, they demand to have these houses for free, signed over to them for absolutely nothing, while producing no proof for this being our fathers will. Actually my sister showed proof to me father had no such intent, but contrary that the house was to be included in her fair share, to the amount it is worth now. Her story is that she never showed me that proof and that I made it all up cause she told me about her loosing the proof he'd given her the house. In her story I am a very evil person who could do such a horrible thing. Reading what nasty things our mother believes about me I conclude the sisters story includes that I am envious and hate her and that is the reason I behave so nasty to her. As I overheard her lying to her husband about not knowing about a serious health issue I had gone thrue, my other guess is that she's been tailoring the reality around me to suit this image of me for quite a long time. Mother she does not need to convince as she most likely never really liked me, as all evidence is there for that looking back through history. 

By this false picture of me I'm calculating, hateful and revengful. But in my reality I am not the psychopath here, as psychopaths are selfish, materialistic users, who have plenty of sex affairs while in a relationship, lie about their credits to get high paid jobs, feel superior and entitled, love to use violence on the weaker, bomb other nations back to the stone age, and other activities I never have taken any part of. Actually all those activities are abominal to me and I cannot understand how either of them can defend any of these things.

What I experienced when I caught some lies.

Already 20 years ago my sister told me "someone was going to fight her" about this house being hers after father had died. Why she was talking about our father dying when he was in good health and she a young thing about 20, is odd enough, but why was she worrying about this at all? She had a house, neither of her brothers or sister had, which was great and nothing to worry about. I was the only one then who had made a grandchild when father let my sister and her boyfriend use his old house, as he moved into his new house. (Note: Later on this sister said it was the next year she got the house, when also our oldest brother had gotten a child.) The logical thing to outsiders might be that I was mad as hell by this unfairness, so her story is believable to everyone "out of know", as I should had opposed this "gift", if I was raised in any way or form as an equal human being to my sister. But, then you do not know how families like ours work. I've been brainwashed since before she was born that she was entitled, special, and that I was unworthy, dirty, lower. So to me it was business as usual that she got what I could never dream of getting. 

All I wanted was that father looked at my child and said she was wonderful. He would hardly even hold her in his arms for a photo. He told me she was nothing compaired to another child a young female friend of his had. He loved that child, and looked at my cute little girl like she was made of poop. So no, I was not crazy enough to even imagine he would ever let me even borrow a house from him. The same goes with the very valuable painting my mother gave to my sister. It was a pretty scene which would had fitten me more then my sister, but even so mother rather gave the very expencive painting to my young sister. She hang it first in the kitchen, then later on stored it in a cold storage, out of sight. She really did not like the painting, but to mother it was very important my sister had this very beautiful painting. 

Mother had one more painting by this famous painter and a friend of ours took a nice photo of it, on mothers request. She was fine with this unknown man taking the photo, but then when I asked her if I could use this picture in graphics specially made for her, she forbade me to do any at all with it. Paintings used in graphics you can download from anywere, noone could even trace the original back to her, but she got furious even to think that I would have anything to do with this painting, making it a part of my website, no matter if I did it specially to her. This reaction shocked me, as my sister had her painting stored away like garbage, and I could not even play with a jpg-file of such a painting. 

This is the way of so very different treatments I've been raised with so no, I would never ever argue with my sister about that house or anything else our parents rather gave her then me. I never have and never will. So she needed to show me the proof she has been lying all these years to make me even talk about it. I never yelled, argued, or did anything she claims. I only told firmly I had read the proof about the house so there is such proof, and hence we need not rely on hearsay, as our sister has a paper stating exactly what father intended with the house. That is when my entitled brother wrote to me in BIG letters to stop insulting him. I wrote that we either follow this will of father or we follow the law and THAT insulted this brother. Only a criminal would be insulted with that. He had already testified that everything conserning our sisters house was equal to what conserned his house. Hence he has also no right to his house and this house should be included in his fair share aswell. 

Here is the article about how these bullying, entitled siblings behave when the smell of inheritance reach their greedy noses:  

Narcissistic Siblings Steal Your Psychological, Emotional and Financial Inheritance

One of the most painful familial situations is to be the brother or sister of a narcissistic sibling. From the beginning they “have it in” for you as the old saying goes. I have heard from so many of their victims. The stories told are hair raising. Even in early childhood there are memories of being pinched, squeezed, shamelessly slapped. All of this is perpetrated with impunity. The parent(s) of the victimized child is often a narcissist and gives the special , golden holy terror free reign in the household. There are no rules for this brat turned tyrant. The embattled child is always in fight or flight mode. There is no letting down, no relaxing of hypervigilence, no rest or freedom to express oneself authentically in this family constellation.

In some instances in adulthood the narcissistic sibling far in advance plots how he or she will deceive the parent (s) and gain full control over the family finances or trusts. This is shocking but it happens more often than one would think.

There are cases in which the golden narcissistic sibling intimidates brothers and sisters into taking his/her side against the scapegoated children. These battles become very ugly and can eventually rip families apart.

Rather than live in these dreadful circumstances many siblings break completely from their family of origin and move into a no contact mode. This is often painful since it is difficult for some to believe that a sibling with whom we share our DNA could be so treacherous. Coming to terms with this reality is essential to the healing process.

Learning about the psychological core and dynamics of the narcissistic personality recognizing their specific traits and the naked truth about them is the beginning of healing.

Acknowledging and appreciating your authenticity, the fact that you survived this series of hells is a huge step toward becoming whole. You went through these wars since childhood and have survived into adulthood. You deserve tremendous credit and acknowledgement for this achievement. So many of these survivors are among the kindest, most empathic and intuitive individuals I have every known. Here is to your continuing healing, your triumph as an individual and the unbounded use of all of your creative gifts.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

A brother to my grandmother on fathers side.

Back in 2005 my entitled brother and our mother wanted to have our father declared unfit to gain total control of his estate and money. I don't remember much about this now as I had my own life and their drama was the last thing I had energy for. I did try to help everyone, and reading old mails I've found out that father tried to stop them by writing me as the caretaker of his estate if something happened to him. I read in those mails that he'd shown me a paper he'd booked a time with the lawyer in that area handling cases like this, so she'd know this wish of his. The date for his visit with her was 30 Aug 2005, but after some research now there is no such paper and no trace of it at that office or in any records. What I see in my old mails is that I wrote and told father's plan to my entitled siblings, and an old mail shows my entitled sister had read my mail on this. I have no idea why father didn't fullfill this intent he had, but he had told me that "they were manipulating and lying" and I guess he ment my entitled brother and mother with that, though I don't remember today the conversation. But this is what I wrote in my mail just after the event. 

So I told atleast my sister father intended me to gain control and then he doesn't. (Note: Later I found a mail from my sister pre-dating this other mail, where she had been told about this intent to make me the caretaker, so she already knew it before I told her.) Reading that now was quite a shock as I didn't think he cared that much for me, but he did mention a few times at the end he did have the utmost respect for me and my husband. The few times he said that I had a feeling it came from himself. He also expressed that he felt I was the child most like him, which made me very angry and sad as I feel he missed out 25 wonderful years as a part of my big family cause he was brainwashed I was not good enough. Mother wrote to me last fall in very detoriating terms that I was like my father. And then she wrote horrible lies about father and horrible lies about me, and alot of projections that totally told me how she feels towards others in general, and me in particular, as all was a mirrage of who she was and had very little to do with me. She did tell a story, like a fairytale, from my toddler years, where I sound like Yoda, the wise one. So I started out like Yoda and devolved into a snarling lunatic? Yeah, right.

Shortly after this conversation in the mails from 2005 things happened to me which made me totally forget all about this. Mother was desperate to have father declared unfit and together with her two entitled children she kept badgering me for another year. Some time during all this I do remember telling mother very harshly to back off and stop harrassing me over this. I have no memory what happened first, second or third anymore. It's all a blur as can be understood in hinesight as I was suffering from lethal anemia from about this time and onward. I was a very ill person, but felt stressed by just about everything and after a few assurances from doctors I was well I let it slide. I thought I was just getting old and tired. I'm telling that cause I believe I have not enough to go on during this period to even guess what went on. So I will jump to a few mails from 2011, which clearly told me that both entitled siblings were still asking father for money to help them out. My sister wanted money for "her" house and the brother to get him over a rough spot. Neither cared for anything me and the other brother said about our situations. Only theirs were important.

Those not getting rentfree houses - ever.

One issue my sister brought up in 2011 was that she had already paid the house twice. This she later repeats after fathers death. This is the reason she wants the house for free. The sum she attribute to the house is 100 000 and twice then means she has spent 200 000 on the house. Like I said, only the rent, not the power included, would amount to over 1 million for the same period. Money she was never asked to pay. She also lies in these mails and says houses in this region has not changed worth in 20 years, while the true figures are they've raised 250% above inflation during that period. There are so many stupid things like this, which are easily checked, but in a family like ours you should never check facts. These two entitled siblings claim the most absurd things and then project onto us that we never check facts and are gullible, and when we do check the facts they proclaim "that is of no importance here" and shut down the discussion. If that is not frustrating I don't know what is.

How my sister gained total control of father's property and money is the thing here really. Like I said I wrote to her back in 2005 about father's intent of making me in control, as he had no trust in the "others", as he put it to me later on. I don't remember what he said in 2005, but according to the mail he was feeling under attack from liars and manipulators. In 2012 both entitled siblings wanted to put our sister as the caretaker of his property, but she said father would not agree to this, but still we voted her as an inoffical assistant to help him out. I didn't want to do that, but the bullying from the entitled brother and mother putting pressure on me, promissing that my sister now has evolved into a trustworthy, responsible person made me give in. Actually what did it was that my oldest brother gave in, as he'd volonteered for the job, but was bullied and got fed up and said she could do it. Mother said to me that this brother was not responsible enough to do it, which I knew was a lie, and also said the entitled brother was not realistic enough to do it. She's been saying really bad things about her entitled son behind his back, that he's like her youngest brother was after their mother died, and that he's a bully, instable and other demeaning things. 

True perhaps, but all she does is help her baby girl to manipulate all her older siblings against each other, while she sits in the middle like the innocent saint. That is the role our mother also loved to take, but she's too unstable to make it believable. My sister is very good at it and makes most people think she is a saint, the saviour. Only really emotionally detached people can act so cool and careless after all the turmoil and pain they have created for others. I've heard many react to this coolness of hers, who have seen what she has caused. She will claim to be mourning, while in reality she's partying, traveling. She will claim to be very ill, not being able to drink wine and such anymore, and then fill her facebook and blogs with pictures and stories showing a totally other reality. Very confusing, but with people like her you must try and shut down what she claims and tells you and try to look more what she really does, and says when she's not trying to mimic you and make you get all empathetic towards her. She's been mimicing me my whole life and do I feel foolish for thinking anything mattered to her. Now I doubt anything she's said to me, which I know she could had heard from mother, as I'd told mother many years before things she didn't seem to care about when I told her, and then the same story come back to me from my sister, like a thing she encountered and I took that as a confirmation she was like me and I bonded with her more closely. 

That is what these pathologicals do - they find things you can relate to from stories you tell about yourself, and they mimic it to make you bond to them. That knowledge made me think about events like this and now I doubt everything I know I've talked about long before my sister suddenly reveal something similar just "happened" to have happened to her too. She does it without me even mentioning my experience sometimes, but most times I bring something up and she starts telling about how much worse and horrible she had had it with much more difficulties then mine. Perhaps a few of those stories of hers were true, perhaps all were lies. I can never know and after catching mother in a few lies I have ended up doubting everything she's told me too. Only problem is, you can't remember who told you all you know. That is how these people can make people think they "know" things about you that are really not true. The damage is done even if the liar is caught. It's the curse of the people of the lie. They are the storytellers of our time, the charmers, trixters, jokers, the cunning scammers leading our society straight to hell. 

Queen Angelica - Fairyland Poetry